


mid-range denim

by mihaly



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:05:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 72,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihaly/pseuds/mihaly
Summary: Patrick didn't know what he expected, but he certainly wasn't prepared for David Rose.





	1. incorporation

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot get enough of David & Patrick. This fic tells their story but from Patrick's perspective. 
> 
> Season 3 Episode 8 "Motel Review" to the most recent episode, each chapter covering one episode.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Schitt's Creek. Majority of the dialogue belongs to the show and is not mine. I'm simply obsessed with the show and this couple.

“Patrick!”

Hearing his name broke Patrick out of his tax-filing haze. Ray had told him someone had called to make an appointment for 10am, but neglected to tell him who. In the four months he had been working with Ray’s, he had learned to tune out most of what Ray was saying. Photography was Ray’s latest business venture (an activity Patrick knew nothing about) and was taking up most of his time. He often forgot he had a primary job so all the business filings, town taxes, and civil paperwork naturally fell to Patrick. So he knew Ray calling out his name only meant one of two things: there was someone to file paperwork or he needed to hold a bounce.

Patrick turned the corner and there was Ray and a striking man standing in front of him. Based on his clothes and hair alone, the man clearly did not belong in Schitt’s Creek. Patrick had never seen him before and he would have definitely remembered if he did. None of the men his age looked like that.

“B13,” Ray said before returning quickly to his photo session. The man gingerly handed Patrick a small paper number.

“This is for you.”

“Patrick.” Patrick offered his hand.

“David.” This could only be one person. Shockingly there was only one David in town.

“Ah, David Rose,” Patrick said. He knew about the Rose family and had therefore heard about David Rose, the son of video magnate Johnny Rose of Rose Video.

Well, besides himself. But no one knew that.

“You bought the general store.”

“Leased,” David corrected him. “Leased the general store, yeah.”

“It’s a big deal.” Next to the Café Tropical, the general store was the only other point of interest in Schitt’s Creek that generated any kind of business. It was a shame when it closed.

“Is it?” David seemed unimpressed.

“Yeah, it’s pretty big.” Patrick smiled. “You wanna have a seat?” He gestured to his desk and they both took a seat. He picked up the incorporation papers he had ready to go. “So, why don’t we start with the name of the business?”

“Oh, I’m oscillating between two names at the moment, so if we can just leave that one blank, that’d be great,” David answered.

‘Oscillating’. Of course.

“Sure, sure,” he said. “Give you more time to ‘oscillate’. Um, business address?”

“Ok, so I'm working on that,” David replied. “I'm currently staying at a motel and I think it might be confusing if I gave you the address for another business.”

Patrick hadn’t heard that one before. It made sense, but this was going to be harder than he thought.

“Yup, for sure. We’ll leave that blank as well,” he said, then added flirtingly, “Battin’ a thousand here, David.”

“I don’t know what that means,” David said bluntly.

Patrick chuckles. Here he was with a gorgeous queer man in front of him and he goes with a baseball metaphor. Strike one.

“Hey, here’s an easy one,” he continues down the sheet. “Brief description of the business.”

“Well, it's a general store,” David began, “but it's also a very specific store.”

“Huh.”

“And it's also not just a store. It's like a place where people can come and get coffee or drinks but it's not a coffee shop nor is it a bar.” Patrick had never met anyone like David. He couldn’t help but smile he was so amused.

“Okay, so we’re pretty clear on what it’s not.”

“Yeah, it’s an environment.” Patrick’s smile grew wider as David continued. “And yes, we will be selling things, but it's more like… more like a branded immersive experience.”

“Right,” Patrick said. “I love the buzzwords, David. But I do need to put something down here.” As much as he could listen to David vaguely describe his store all day, he still had to do his job.

“Okay, you couldn’t use anything I just said?”

Patrick smiled in amusement.

“Tell you what,” he said, handing David the form, “why don’t you take these home with you and fill them out when you have a clearer idea of what you want to do with the business.”

“Okay, um, I do have a clear idea,” David retorted.

“Oh, so you’ve settled on a name, then,” Patrick replied cheekily.

“Okay, you’re either very impatient or extremely sure of yourself.”

“Threw you a bit of a change-up there, huh?” He couldn’t get over how cute David was, let alone that he was openly flirting with someone.

“Again, I don’t know what that means. I don’t play cricket.”

Patrick smiled and reached for his business card. He knew this was just part of the proceedings, but a little part of him thrilled at the fact he was giving David his number.

“Look, take this,” he said. “It’s my card and I feel like you will need it.”

“You know what? I think I’m good,” David said half-confidently as he took the card. “So thank you for this.” He meandered toward the door.

“Nice to meet you, David,” Patrick called out after him.

“Yeah.” It was a half-hearted response right before he left Ray’s house.

Patrick knew he’d see David again. He had to turn his incorporation paperwork back in at some point and he hoped that would be sooner rather than later. Even if David wasn’t entirely receptive to his flirting, he didn’t outright deny him. Wait, did it even register as flirting? God, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever flirted that openly anywhere other than that one fleeting moment at a small bar in Elmdale. In the end he figured the bartender was just overly friendly. But if it didn’t even come across as flirting, maybe he was more out of practice than he thought.

* * *

Patrick was fighting a losing battle. He couldn’t stop thinking about David. It was silly, considering their brief interaction, but he needed to prepare things to talk about. The battle was even harder when Bob was sitting right in front of him, prattling on about his bagel business. They had gone over it for months and despite Patrick telling him it was risky, Bob was insistent. So, every week, Patrick was treated to an hour of Bob waxing on about his hypothetical bagel shop.

“And so I was thinking pink and mint might be good colors for the display case—”

Brrrrrrng!

The egg timer on Patrick’s desk went off. It was the only way to keep their meetings to an hour.

“I guess I’ll see you next week?” Patrick asked. Despite the abrupt ending, Bob was all smiles.

“Yes you will, Patrick,” he said. “You made me really think about the whole toaster situation. Thank you.” Bob quickly gathered his things and headed out the door.

Patrick slumped back in his seat. It was exhausting trying to focus on anything except David. Ray finally emerged from the upstairs.

“Is he gone?” he asked.

“Yup.”

“Okay, good. I hadn’t finished planning his linen closet organization system yet and he was expecting it three days ago,” Ray explained as he started puttering around his camera equipment.

Patrick picked up his phone, hoping he at least had an interesting message from his cousin to distract him. Instead, he found 8 voicemails from an unknown number.

Could it be?

His heart leapt in his throat as he hit play on the first one.

“Hi David, it’s Patrick,” the message began. Patrick chuckled at David’s mistake. “I was just calling to run my business plan by you in a little more detail. So feel free to give me a call back and I will be happy to talk you through it. Okay. Ciao.”

“Oh, ‘ciao’!” Ray fawned. “I had a girlfriend in high school who would say ‘ciao’. She was abducted by a Mexican cartel.”

Patrick smiled broadly. It was a funny message, so he could only assume what the next ones could be.

“Hi Patrick. I-I think I called you David which – that’s not your name,” David said deprecatingly. “You can just delete that text – the – the voicemail I left you. Um, just thought it might be a good idea to give you some background information about the store. It’s basically a general store, um, that will support local artists under the brand of the store which would also be my brand—” The message cut off.

Patrick was in awe. It was a brilliant idea and something that could really unite the town and all the surrounding areas. Most of the residents of Schitt’s Creek lived so far from one another that they didn’t know of each others’ wares. And considering David was a man who enjoyed high quality – at least, as far as Patrick could tell in the 5 minutes they spent together – the general store would become something no one here had ever seen.

“This is boring,” Ray announced. “I’m going to lunch.” And with that, he left the house.

Sighing, Patrick gazed at his phone as he pressed the next one.

“Yeah, the text cut us off!” David huffed. “Anyway…” He then spent the next 6 voicemails explaining to Patrick his whole living situation (“You know, the only motel in town.”), the name he chose (“It just screams ‘organic’ and ‘locally-sourced’.”), and more about the products he’d get (“Mr. Alberts’ goat milk lip balm would sell, right?”). It was a clever idea that David had clearly thought a lot about, rambling for minutes on end.

All 8 messages totaled to 23 minutes. Patrick couldn’t help but smile the whole time. And after listening through all of them, he picked up a pen and hit play again on the first message.

“Hi David, it’s Patrick…” As it played, he wrote on a blank incorporation form. Applicant: David Rose. Business name: Rose Apothecary.

He played them all again and was able to fill out the entire form.

Then he played them one more time for good measure.

* * *

His once empty afternoon got very busy when Ray “suddenly found” a huge stack of tax-deductible receipts lurking in a closet. Patrick suspected he had finally cleaned out his car. Either way, there was a lot of sorting going on. He didn’t mind it. It gave him something to do other than watching Ray assemble a new closet unit in the back room or listen to David’s messages again. One more play through and he would’ve hit full creep level.

The front door opened and lo, there was David, form in hand.

“Hi,” he said sheepishly. “Um, so I messed up my form and I’m going to need another form from you.”

“Oh, okay,” Patrick replied. He couldn’t help but smile. David was here. In the same day!

“What?”

“Nothing,” he deflected. “I just—I’m just so glad you made good use of my business card.” He walked over to his desk, David following. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up. I was at a thing.”

“Well, best that you didn’t,” David chuckled.

“But I got all your messages.”

“Ah,” David said curtly. “And just listened to the first on and erased the rest?”

“No, no,” Patrick said teasingly. “I listened to all of them. I kinda had to to piece them together. Actually, I played them for a few friends of mine. I was at a birthday party. There were a lot of people weighing in.”

David looked mortified.

“Okay, um…”

“Just kidding,” he assured him. “I didn’t play them for anybody.”

“I found the first few were very humorous but then I lost interest,” Ray chimed in from the back room.

“I may have played them here on speakerphone,” he admitted.

“Okay,” David said, pushing forward. “Can I just get the paperwork and then I’ll just—”

“The good thing about the messages,” Patrick said confidently, “was that I was able to get enough information to fill out your forms.” He handed David his completed forms.

“Oh, wish I could remember,” David replied.

“It’s a good idea, your business,” Patrick said sincerely. “Rebranding local products and crafts. It’s very inventive.”

“Thanks.”

“And I like the name: Rose Apothecary,” he smirked. “You know, it’s just pretentious enough.”

“Would we call that pretentious or timeless?” David said, slightly defensive.

“So I’ll call you when I hear something,” Patrick said before adding, “And hey, if I don’t get ahold of you, I’ll just leave a message.”

“Okay. Thanks,” David said bitterly.

“Ciao!” Ray said cheerily from the back room. Patrick could tell David regretted saying that in the voicemail by his pursed lips. David slowly turned and exited the house without another word.

Patrick couldn’t stop smiling.


	2. the frame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Business licenses didn't come framed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during S03E09 "The Affair"

David’s business license came through in only a couple days, but it took Patrick nearly a week to gather the courage to go back to his store. That, and waiting for the frame he ordered online to arrive. Patrick couldn’t see David taping the license to the wall like the other businesses in Schitt’s Creek, so he bought a frame he thought would go with the aesthetic David described in one of his numerous voicemails.

He was more than a little excited to see David again. Sure, he was dropping off the license, but it was definitely a personal visit. He didn’t have to stay so buttoned-up as opposed to when Ray was around. It’s a little strange to have butterflies at work while your boss says insane things to his photography subjects.

License in hand, Patrick rounded the corner of the store and headed inside. There were boxes on boxes of product, a few tables, and a blonde woman standing amongst the inventory. No David in sight. That nervousness he felt at Ray’s was back.

“Wow, things are really coming together in here,” he said, glancing around the store. The walls had been wiped down, the cobwebs eliminated, and the floor swept. He imagined David cleaning up deep into the night to get all this done before moving product in. Hard to picture, David up on a ladder batting down cobwebs, but it was possible.

“Oh, um,” the young woman began. “We’re actually not open yet. But that’s so sweet. Thank you. We’ve been working very hard.”

“Well, I’m actually not here to shop,” he said. “I’m… I’m Patrick. I’m just dropping off David’s business license.” He held up the frame before placing it down on the counter. She took a step closer to him, maintaining fierce eye contact.

“Oh, isn’t that just the cutest thing! Um, David’s in the back. But I’m Alexis-“ She points to her large ‘A’ necklace. “-and I’m currently studying business and I’m David’s sister and life coach, so.”

She was sweet and _definitely_ David’s sister. The similarities were astounding.

“Well, it’s great to meet you, Alexis,” he said, holding out his hand to shake her hand. She put her hand in his then coyly placed the other on top.

“I’m sorry if my hands are too soft. I’ve just been sampling a lot of product. So… really soft.”

“They are,” Patrick chuckled as he withdrew his hand.

He glanced around at all the product that was scattered around store.

“Do you see anything you like?” Alexis asked with a coy smile. “I mean, besides me.”

He smiled uncomfortably.

“Uh, there are a lot of interesting products I’ve never seen before,” he said, ignoring what she said.

“There’s this… baggie,” she said, pulling a small brown bag out of a box. “It’s tea from a guy on this farm we went to this morning. He was _so_ weird. Kept yelling at a pig that did not exist.” He chuckled.

“Ah, yes, Mr. Hockley. He’s a pretty interesting guy.” Patrick remembered him. He lived on the edge of Schitt’s Creek. He didn’t know Mr. Hockley was growing tea. How did David find out about it?

“I’d love to have tea with you sometime,” she said flirtatiously. She gently touched his arm. “I love when things are hot and steamy.”

Patrick’s eyes went wide before he replied awkwardly, “Sure. Great.”

“Oh! And there there’s this.” Alexis unceremoniously dropped the bag of tea back into the box before drawing out a long scarf out of another. Without hesitating, she stepped into his space and wrapped it around his neck. “Isn’t it soft?”

“It is,” he answered. “Whoa, might be tying it a little too tight there.” She giggled, holding the end of the scarf against her chest, while he tried to loosen it slightly.

“Uh, that is actually cat hair,” David said, entering from the back room. “There’s a Himalayan breeder up the street that knits them for us. Hi.” Patrick felt his heart leap.

“Hi,” Patrick said warmly. “I’m just dropping off your business license. And activating my allergies.”

“Oh, in that case you should probably take that off. Like, now.” Patrick scrambled to take the scarf off and put it back in the box. David picked up the business license.

“Isn’t that the sweetest thing, that he framed it?” Alexis asked him.

“It is very sweet,” David answered. “Thank you, Patrick.”

“Actually, they… they all come framed,” he lied. It was one thing to have it framed. It was another for Alexis to point it out.

“Oh, thank God,” David exhaled. “Because I was just thinking that this frame is a little too corporate for my brand.” He placed it back down on the table and started unpacking a box of lotion.

Patrick’s heart sank.

“David, I was just about to sample the unisex Mennonite cologne on Patrick,” Alexis said, holding up a small perfume bottle.

Patrick took a moment to center himself. He reminded himself he was just there for business. Best not get his hopes too high.

“That’s not a sample,” David reminded her harshly. “And you’ve sampled half the store at this point. So we still need to sell all this stuff.”

“Okay, well, I flattened out the lip balm, so no one’s gonna notice,” she shot back. Patrick grabbed a bottle of the lotion David was unloading. It seemed high quality, but did he really need this many?

“There’s a lot of stuff in here, David,” he said. “You don’t wanna spend too much money up front.” He couldn’t help his business side coming out. He didn’t want David’s store to go belly-up.

“Yeah, that is not good, David,” Alexis agreed.

“You have to be prepared to survive a full year without making any profit.”

“Actually, the textbooks now say 18 months,” she corrected him.

“Well, what are the textbooks saying about curating a selection of products from local vendors and selling them on consignment in a one-stop-shop retail environment that benefits both the vendor and the customer?” David asked defensively, staring down Alexis.

“Well, I don’t have my textbook on me,” she said, wilting under his gaze.

“I stand corrected,” Patrick smiled. He wasn’t wrong when he said it was inventive. “Listen, if you need help, I’m happy to help.”

“Why? Alexis is here helping,” David answered quickly. Patrick was getting the feeling David’s to-do list didn’t get any shorter with Alexis here.

“Well, no,” Alexis said. “If Patrick has offered to move all the boxes, then I think we should let him.”

“Is that what I offered?” he asked in mock-incredulity.

“Okay, well, thank you, Patrick,” David said curtly.

“You’re welcome.” He gave Patrick an acknowledging smile before immediately going back to work, leaving Patrick with Alexis.

“Okay, so you can start by moving all those big things of hand cream,” she said, gesturing to the back room. Patrick had a feeling she was not going to be helping. He didn’t mind, since it gave him an excuse to stick around.

He very carefully stepped around David to get to the backroom. As he did, he could smell the spice of David’s cologne and his heart picked up its pace. Finding the hand cream gave him a little time to clear his head. He was here to help set up the store, not flirt with David. Professionalism.

He glanced around at the products that had been left in the backroom and it was even more diverse than those outside. Bath salts, juices, succulents, knitted hats… The best part was that Patrick had _seen_ all these products at the annual Elmdale craft fair. Now they’d be sold year-round and in Schitt’s Creek, giving the locals the exposure they needed. 

God, it was just so smart.

“Patrick, are you lost back there?” he heard Alexis call from the main room.

“Nope, I got it!” he said. He grabbed the box of hand cream and carried it out.

* * *

Patrick spent the better part of the day at Rose Apothecary. The three of them chatted, asking each other questions, getting to know one another. David and Alexis would bicker, but both were surprisingly interested in finding out more about him. He completed a MBA from Indiana University and needed a change of pace, so he took up a job at Ray’s when he saw a listing in the newspaper. He didn’t have nearly as many interesting stories as David and Alexis, but the conversation never stopped.

By the end of the day, the store was really starting to come together. It was astounding what two people could get done while a third pretended to work. They left just as the sun had started to set. He had missed actually doing physical labor in setting up businesses. In the last year it had been reduced to strictly paperwork and there was only so much he could do before his eyes would cross. Spending time with David was an added bonus.

The next day proved to be a challenge.

Patrick had offered to look over David’s financials and Ray was out doing an open house, which meant Patrick was tied to his desk another day. Normally, he loved poring over numbers and estimates but having David’s handwriting literally staring him in the face was making things difficult. He could still hear their conversations from yesterday, replaying over and over. What typically took him an hour was going on two and a half, and it was just a budget for the store. Inventory, bills, trajectories, vendor costs. All of it was easy, so why was he coming up short?

That’s when he realized it was the numbers not his daydreaming.

He had an idea and he needed to talk to David.

* * *

The shop was blissfully empty, sans the sole store owner in another black and white sweater, putting together the cash register. Patrick knew he had to keep it to business talk and try not to get sidetracked. 

“Uh oh,” David said with a lightness to his voice Patrick hadn’t heard before. “I take it you’re here to tell me my business license has been revoked?”

“No, no,” Patrick chuckled as he leaned one hand against the counter. “You’re all good.” Leave it to David to jump to the worst conclusion. He seemed to be more casual with Patrick today. The rigidity he had been met with up until now had seemed to have softened.

“Okay. Well, my sister isn’t here, so…”

“I’m not here for your sister,” he replied matter-of-factly. In no way, shape, or form was he there for Alexis.

“Okay,” David whispered.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about all this, and these product Alexis was showing me yesterday were actually really impressive,” he explained as David fiddled with the register. “I mean, the whole model is actually very sustainable.”

“Thank you.”

“But I think you’re gonna need more start-up money.”

“Oh, more start-up money,” David echoed. “Um… and where do you think I’ll get that money?”

“Well, when you’re supporting local businesses, there are grants that you can apply for. And I would be happy to assist you with those applications.” Ecstatic, really.

“Well, that is very, very generous.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be doing it for free,” Patrick said. David looked confused. “See, if these grants came through you’d have the money to start paying me.” Investing in David’s business was the best idea Patrick could have ever come up with. He loved the store concept and he had the business acumen that David lacked. Plus, he’d get to spend much more time with him.

“Okay,” David replied, surprised.

“I really think you have something here, David. You just… you just need some help,” he said honestly before adding, “You need a lot of help—“

“Okay!” David said, cutting him off. “Well, um, then yes… I am open to entertaining your investment offer.” A smile played at David’s lips that made Patrick’s heart yearn for him.

“Great.”

He had never seen David smile before and it wasn’t going away.

He had to say something.

“And in the interest of us potentially working together, I did want to come clean about something.”

“Okay.” David looked concerned. Patrick’s heart raced. He had never been so nervous to tell anyone his interest in them. Mind you, the options were few and far between. While he was in college and grad school, he mostly kept to his studies and pushed out all other distractions. David overwhelmed him. He was swimming in the deep end.

“I um…” he began, before panicking. He glanced at the wall where the business license hung. “I actually picked out that frame.”

His heart was in his throat.

“I see,” David smiled sweetly. “So, thank you for making it very clear that I will be making the creative decisions for the store. And I guess you can handle all the business stuff.”

“I’m very comfortable with that.”

“Okay,” David nodded. He fiddled with the register parts for a moment, then said, “And you do know that if the grant money doesn’t come through, I won’t—“

“Oh, I’m gonna get the money.” Hell or high water, Patrick was going to get the money for David. His confidence seemed to impress David.

“Okay,” he replied, softer than before.

They lingered there for a moment, taking in what just happened. Patrick was the first to speak, gesturing to the register parts in David’s hands.

“Would you like some help with that?”

“Oh, yes please,” David answered, passing the parts quickly to Patrick. He leaned against the counter as he watched Patrick assemble the register. “Are you able to stick around a little longer or do you have important business things back at Ray’s?”

“I can stay,” Patrick smiled. “What do you need help with?”

“Um, well, I was wondering if you could help me assemble this shelving unit…”

Patrick stayed there the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr @davidrosesboyfriend
> 
> The next chapter will be shorter since it's only one scene from the show itself, but I'll be adding more to it.


	3. body milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's milk. For your body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the one where I added a whole scene because 3x11 only has one scene with them together. And I added a few lines at the end. Honestly, if you're reading this, you know what's in the show and what I added. Soooo enjoy!
> 
> Set during S03E11 "Stop Saying Lice!"

Setting up any business was a slow process and Rose Apothecary was no different. Even with Patrick on board, it was still several weeks before they had enough products they both felt completed the store. It truly was a beautiful working relationship, one of the best Patrick had ever been part of. He would attain more information on other local vendors and David would choose which products to feature. David was generally receptive to everything and turned down very few items. (“Backscratchers, Patrick? What are we, the world’s largest truck stop?”) David even found some vendors of his own. However, he had a habit of convincing the vendors to give their products more high-end names, which worried Patrick.

“Body milk?” Patrick asked David, who was busy assembling small covered baskets for the lip balms. Bob had just dropped off several heavy boxes from Mrs. Goodall from far down Route 73. Inside were brown bottles of various sizes labeled with the stickers David had given her.

“Oh, good, they arrived,” David said, relieved. He stopped neatly sorting the lip balm to check out the bottles himself. He was standing very close to Patrick, something that was happening more and more lately. Patrick had started longing for the scent of David’s cologne. It didn’t waft very far so they had to be in close proximity and that delighted Patrick.

“Can you drink this?” As far as Patrick could tell, there weren’t any edible ingredients on the bottle, but then again, David was far more familiar with exotic food than he was.

David gave him a scrutinizing look.

“It’s body milk.”

“Oh, I can read, David. But _what is body milk?_ ”

“It’s like, a really smooth and creamy lotion that makes your skin super supple and soft. It was made with milk from Mrs. Goodall’s cows,” David explained as he took a small bottle out of the box. He opened it and poured some into his hands. “And it has a low viscosity, so it has a consistency that’s kinda like milk.”

The white liquid pooled in the palm of David’s hand. He massaged it quickly into his skin. Patrick couldn’t help but watch. With as much as David gestured, it was hard for Patrick to not think about his hands. He wanted to hold them, feel them on his face, running through his hair, anywhere on his body…

“Okay, this was a little too much,” David murmured. He glanced around before jutting his hands toward Patrick. “Give me your hands.”

Patrick put down the bottle he was holding and did as he was instructed. David enveloped Patrick’s calloused hands in his soft ones, massaging the lotion in. He looked up from their hands to catch David watching him with a small smirk on his lips.

“Guess a little goes a long way, huh?” Patrick said as he let out a nervous chuckle, releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“There you go,” David said warmly. “Now your hands are on their way to being pillowy dreams.” He lightly squeezed Patrick’s hands before letting go.

“Th-thank you,” Patrick replied. His hands were now soft and warm and his head was in the clouds. He picked up the now-opened bottle of body milk. “Does this need to be refrigerated?”

“It shouldn’t. I was very clear with Mrs. Goodall that I would not be selling sour milk at our store.”

“But don’t you think the label is a little misleading?” he asked. “You’ve got the cow on here and the ingredients kinda look like nutritional facts. I mean, not to mention you’ve got ‘milk’ right in the name. People are going to think it’s a drink.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no,” David retorted firmly. “It’s _body_ milk, so it’s a lotion. They’ll understand.”

“I’m not sure about that…”

“Well, anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that it’s not actually milk,” David said presumptuously.

Patrick raised his eyebrows.

“Well, I mean, _you_ have common sense. You were just asking for business reasons. Because refrigeration is an important thing to know,” he continued, obviously embarrassed. Watching David dig himself out of every hole he made was one of the things Patrick loved. It amused him far more than it probably should have.

“It’s okay,” Patrick assured him. “Just be ready for a bunch of people asking you if they can drink it.”

David waved a hand dismissively before walking back over to his baskets of lip balm.

* * *

A couple days later, once he had finished his work at Ray’s, Patrick headed over to the store. He was coming in to Ray’s earlier and working at home in the evenings so he could maximize his time with David at the store. They had picked a date to launch – May 15th – which was drawing nearer every day.

Patrick loved his life in this moment. The sun was shining, there was a light breeze in the air, and he was walking to the store he co-owned with a devastatingly gorgeous and fascinating man. He had few complaints.

Through the windows, he could clearly see David and a short dark-haired woman who Patrick assumed was Stevie.

“—you can’t drink them,” David finished telling her as she held up a bottle of body milk.

“Did you ask if you can drink it, too?” Patrick asked her.

“Okay, it says body milk on the label!” David said defensively from the rear of the store.

“You know, I told David that the label was gonna be misleading, but he insisted,” Patrick said cheekily as he grabbed a bottle from the box. “What was it you said? ‘Anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that it’s not actually milk?’”

“What do we think body milk is, if not milk for your body?” David gestured with his whole body, staring down both Patrick and Stevie.

“Exactly,” she said quietly to Patrick.

“Stevie, right?” He held out his hand. She took it firmly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you.” Nearly half of David’s stories from Schitt’s Creek included Stevie.

“None of it is true,” she said sarcastically.

“Oh, well, anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that,” he replied just as sarcastically, then looked straight at David, who – from what Patrick could tell – was wearing a shower cap?

“I like him,” Stevie said to David, then turned to Patrick, her eyes lit up. “I like you.”

“Okay, is this how this is gonna go?” David asked. “Because we have way too much work to do today for me to feel attacked by way of an imbalanced social dynamic.”

Patrick walked up to David, eying his headwear suspiciously.

“Are-are you wearing a shower cap?”

“Alexis has lice, and I’m taking preventative measures."

“By wearing one of our hats that we now can’t sell,” Patrick said incredulously.

“Oh, he doesn’t have it. I checked his head,” Stevie chimed in. “I think the shower cap is more of a fashion choice at this point.” David glared at her.

“Uh-huh. But you’re living with somebody who does have lice, so just ‘cause you don’t have it now doesn’t mean that you couldn’t get it tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever,” Patrick explained. His siblings had given him lice one too many times. The only easy way to avoid lice was to stay in a completely separate space until the lice were officially gone.

“It’s almost like you want me to get the lice,” David said accusingly.

“I don’t want you to get it,” Patrick assured him. “I just… I think you should be careful. You can crash at my place tonight if you need to.” The words were out of his mouth faster than he could realize what he was saying. Perhaps his subconscious knew more about what he wanted than he did. Not that anything would happen, but what he would give to have David back at his place, sitting in his room, sleeping in his bed, smelling that cologne first thing in the morning. It would be a chance to see David outside the business environment and less like a business partner and more like… a friend? A companion? A… who knows.

“Thank you,” David said quietly, then gestured to Stevie. “But Stevie offered her place this morning.”

“Oh.” He tried not to sound disappointed. He really did. But he needed to dial it back.

“So…”

“Can I crash at your place?” Stevie asked jokingly. She was very clearly not looking forward to dealing with a lice-fearing David all night and he couldn’t blame her. He laughed, imagining her staying at his place while David fended for himself at hers.

“This is really fun for me,” David said dryly. “I’m having a lot of fun.” Patrick couldn’t stop laughing. This seemed to be David’s nightmare: the two of the three people who tease him the most tag-teaming him.

“Can we get back to work now?” he asked Patrick and Stevie, obviously trying to get away from the current conversation. “There’s plenty to do that does not involve making fun of me.”

“Well, that’s what I came here to do,” Stevie said. “I don’t really want to do anything else.”

“Then I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” David said.

“Whoa, Stevie. Stevie,” Patrick intervened. “One thing I’ve found is that the key to working with David is multi-tasking. We can unbox things while we pick on David.”

“I’m so glad you two have found each other,” David said sharply before disappearing to the back room with a few flattened boxes. Patrick and Stevie couldn’t help but snicker. It was certainly going to be a long day for David.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Follow me on tumblr @davidrosesboyfriend


	4. twenty-five percent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Apothecary officially opens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! It's been a bit nuts over here (Los Angeles is kinda on fire rn) and I was out of town this weekend, but here it is. Flights are perfect writing times. :D
> 
> Set during S03E12 "Family and Friends"

Their grand opening was merely a week away and they were in crunch time. Patrick was still calculating appropriate prices and figuring out their final overhead cost while David was setting everything up. It was best this way, as the last time Patrick tried to set up a display David nearly had a heart attack from the ‘poor aesthetics’. It didn’t matter. They worked so well together that this was the best outcome that could have happened.

Patrick had been tasked with assembling a set of shelves while David folded practically every possible item of clothing in the store. They worked in companionable silence, both focused on getting everything done in time. As launch grew closer, their conversations became sparser and almost solely business-oriented. It made sense, but it was really hard to flirt with David when lights needed to be hung, the sign needed to be painted, the products still weren’t completely set up… There was so much to do.

David took a short break to go to the fridge and grab a juice. He took two gulps from it before placing it on the counter and heading back to the sweaters. Patrick had been avoiding taking anything from the fridge, seeing as they’d have to pay for it. But since David already took one out, he figured they could share and prevent as much loss as possible.

He grabbed the juice off the counter and gazed out at the workers setting up the sign. They were making fast work. Thankfully they settled on one of David’s simpler sign ideas—

“Um, is that your juice?”

“No,” Patrick answered immediately. “Technically it’s our juice because you just took it from the fridge and didn’t pay for it, so…”

“Mmhmm. Um… it’s just that I don’t normally share beverages with people,” David explained, being awkwardly polite.

“Really. That is shocking news,” he said dryly.

“Yeah, yeah. Fortunately, you look like you have a clean mouth, so…”

“Sorry,” David said. “A clean mouth?” He was genuinely surprised at how nonchalant David was saying the phrase ‘clean mouth’ – and surprised at the phrase itself, for that matter. He wasn’t even thinking of the meaning behind sharing one beverage. It was hot, he was thirsty, and the strawberry-orange-banana juice was right there, opened and waiting.

“Yeah. Some people have nice, clean mouths and some people have sloppy mouths.”

“I see,” he replied. It was just a fact in David’s world and Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. It was endearingly ridiculous.

Seeing as their silence was officially broken, Patrick wanted to talk business. He walked around the counter to be across from David and his folded sweaters.

“So, hey, I was thinking about our launch party, and I think we should take out like, a full page in the local news and just make it—make it a thing, you know?” He was really proud of their little endeavor and thought everyone should know about it. The newspaper reached to neighboring towns, so it would really have quite a draw.

“Hmm, well, do you not think people are gonna show?” David asked.

“No, no, I do. I just think if we’re going to go big, let’s go big.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I was thinking what if we did like a soft launch,” David suggested. “Uh, and you know, just test the store out on a small group of people. Did like an exclusive VIP guest list and offered, you know, a friends and family discount as incentive.”

“Huh, now it’s sounding like _you_ don’t think people will show,” Patrick said, eying him suspiciously.

“No, I do. I do think that people will come,” he elaborated. “It’s just, you know, I look to Gwyneth who soft-launched the Goop newsletter and now it’s a thriving lifestyle publication-slash-empire—“

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s up to you,” Patrick interrupted. He’d seen this in store owners before, this quiet anxiety lurking beneath the surface. Normally, they’d just go with his advice, but as this was David’s baby, he was going to let him make all the major decisions. He didn’t need to make an argument out of it. “Either way, you do need to call the electrician to hang these lights that were supposed to be up a week ago.”

“Yeah, yeah. I was waiting… I was waiting for a call back from him,” David lied. “Hmm. But you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna follow up.”

“Sure.” He took a swig of juice.

“Can I have my juice back, please?”

“No, you have a sloppy mouth,” Patrick said coolly. David froze.

Patrick wasn’t one to get angry, but he was getting a little frustrated that David wasn’t getting some of his tasks done on top of ignoring Patrick’s recommendation. Their disagreements weren’t ever explosive or difficult, but they often came at over-stepping into each other’s realm of the business. He had learned pretty early on to relinquish any creative decision to David, only tossing out ideas or suggestions that would help the business end. However, the same wasn’t necessarily returned in kind. Patrick constantly reminded himself that he joined onto David’s idea and that while he was a co-owner, the store was ultimately David’s.

“Oh, by the way, Patrick,” David called out. Patrick dropped the empty plastic bottle in the tiny trash can. David glared at him momentarily as it clattered against the wood. “If you could get me a list of like, 10 to 15 people you want at the grand opening by Monday, that’d be great. I want to make sure they’re the type of person who would give appropriate feedback on the store.”

“Right, okay,” Patrick reluctantly agreed before disappearing into the backroom to get more homemade soaps.

* * *

 

By Wednesday morning, the weird feelings in the store had dissipated and things were more-or-less back to normal. David was calmer today than previous days. The store was coming along nicely and they were back on track to open on time on top of just being downright happy to be there.

Putting on sticker prices was a pretty tedious activity, but it was certainly better working side-by-side and chatting aimlessly.

“Did you know I just learned how to ride a bike after moving here?” David said.

“Are you serious? Are there pictures?” Patrick asked, chuckling.

“Unfortunately, yes. I did not enjoy it. There was no part of this—“ David gestured to himself, “—that was going to break a sweat just to get somewhere. It was hard enough to go to SoulCycle once a fortnight. Unlike you who probably like, moves boulders for fitness.”

“I do not—“

“Oh please, are you going to convince me there’s a gym somewhere in this town?”

Patrick laughed.

“I… I do drive to that strip mall in Thornbridge for Crossfit three times a week,” he admitted. David gave him a cheeky grin.

“See? Only someone who moves boulders would have forearms like yours.” Patrick blushed as David flirtingly bumped his shoulder, giving Patrick a strong waft of his cologne.

God, that cologne. That scent was going to be the death of him.

One night after Crossfit, Patrick found himself in the perfumery section of the adjacent department store. He hadn’t meant to wander over there. He was specifically there to pick up a new pair of shoes and another blue button-down, not cologne. He felt a little embarrassed to be looking through the various scents because he secretly knew he wasn’t there for himself. Each one he smelled was pungent and distinct, yet none was at all like David’s. It was sharp like cinnamon, but sweet like orange. Patrick assumed it must be a holdover from his old life, something specially ordered from a boutique perfumery. Whatever it was, JCPenney’s did not carry it.

It was a scent that was specifically David and Patrick wanted to bury his face in it.

David glanced up at the clock.

“Our lunch should be ready for pick-up now,” he said.

“Let me—“

“No,” David said, placing a gentle hand on Patrick’s. “I’ll go. You picked it up yesterday.”

“Thank you, David,” Patrick said warmly. David smiled at him before heading out the door.

Patrick watched him cross the street and disappear into Café Tropical. He sighed happily. Everything was going so _well_. The air was so charged and The flirting was so good and it just made him want to… _do_ things to David, with David. He wanted to kiss him, hold him, take him on a date. He wanted to spend time behind closed doors that didn’t have giant windows to the outside world. Not that he wanted to hide, but Patrick was no exhibitionist. He just wanted to have David all to himself.

He leaned against the counter, surveying their work. How were there so many boxes yet to unpack? They seemed to be making good progress, but Patrick was so focused on David and David alone that the store had kind of faded to the background. But in taking stock of the store, they were going to have to do less flirting and more unpacking.

Not Patrick’s favorite option.

David returned with their lunch in hand, looking extremely frustrated. Probably an issue with the lunch order again.

“Uh, how many people did you tell about Friday?” David asked as he set the bag down on the table.

“Just the names on my pre-approved list. Why?” This was not what he expected.

“Because I have been approached by a lot of people who are not on the pre-approved list,” he explained.

Ah, yes.

“Well, you know,” Patrick said, trying not to sound smug, “sometimes when you tell everyone that it’s exclusive, then everyone just wants in. Like how many people are we talking about?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Twyla’s whole family. So like, 75?”

Patrick whistled. That was nearly the whole town.

“Should’ve ordered more food and wine,” he replied. There was probably a way they could bump up the order without going over-budget. He looked up at David.

“Looks like this soft launch is firming up a bit, huh,” he joked. The innuendo was too good to pass up.

“But it’s not supposed to be firm.”

“Well, with this many people it’s definitely at least semi-firm.”

“Okay. Well, as long as it doesn’t get hard!” David said resolutely. Then it hit him. “And that’s something… that’s what I just said to you, so…” He stared at Patrick dejectedly, like he broke their unspoken agreement.

Patrick gave him a sympathetic smile. They lingered there for a moment, silently acknowledging each other, before nodding to the take-out food and saying calmly, “I’m ready for some lunch.”

Except Patrick was everything but calm. He had been so good to not let his mind wander to filthy places, but knowing David was thinking about the innuendo as well opened the gates. It felt warm between them before David left for Café Tropical and now something seemed to vibrate beneath Patrick’s skin.

He took a deep breath as he took out his tuna melt. He smiled as he watched David lift the top slice to check the tuna underneath. David glanced up and caught Patrick’s gaze. He gave a bashful smile before delicately placing the slice to the side.

They were going to be alright.

* * *

 

They had worked late into the night setting up the store to make it grand-opening-ready. Patrick was in heaven. It was just him and David, working side-by-side for hours, chatting, teasing, and enjoying each other’s company.

Patrick was falling hard for David. He was happy if not downright excited to spend all day with him. When he’d remember that this would basically be every day, he needed someone to pinch him. He felt so blessed to be part of this incredible endeavor.

The sun had set hours ago and the store was virtually perfect. Patrick was so impressed with David’s eye for design. Seeing the store go from stripped bare to this elegant boutique shop was beautiful. It was certainly something Schitt’s Creek had never seen before.

They were hanging a large ‘A’ on the wall when David let out a long, loud yawn.

“Sorry, sorry,” he quickly apologized, shaking his head as if to wake himself up. Patrick smiled He was adorably sleepy, a state he had never seen David in.

“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep?” Patrick said as he climbed down from the ladder.

“There’s just…” David trailed off, glancing around the store. Patrick gently placed his hands on David’s shoulders.

“I can finish here,” he assured him. “It’s only some inventory and cleaning. Certainly things I can manage. No creativity needed.”

“That’s good,” David laughed softly. He stared at Patrick warmly. “Thank you so much, Patrick.”

“It’s no problem.”

“I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Well, we still have to open tomorrow. It’s not over yet.”

“This is true,” David said. He peered around his immediate vicinity. “Well, I’m going home now.”

“See you in the morning.”

David gave him a small wave before exiting the front door and disappearing into the darkness.

He was alone. Typically, the stillness of a space made him a little uncomfortable. It could have been a normal thing or something he developed since working at Ray’s, yet here he was alone in Rose Apothecary at 2:30am and he felt calm. Looking around the room to all the little design touches that adorned the shelves and walls, Patrick felt enveloped by David. It wasn’t the David most people saw; the David who was in his 30s and still shared a room with his adult sister in a motel after living an extremely privileged life. He saw the David who had great ideas, a critical eye, and a love of beauty. The nougat-y center, if you will.

His eyes trailed along the walls, admiring all of their hard work over the last couple months.

That is, until he saw the lights.

David still hadn’t called the electrician.

Guess he was putting them in himself.

He grabbed the toolbox from the back and set it on the counter. After clicking through a few links, he managed to find a series of YouTube videos on basic electrical work. They moved way too quickly, transitioning from step to step without much hesitation. It was frustrating to say the least.

Patrick wished he could have ignored the lights, but they were right behind the register, a location literally every customer would have to see. Aesthetics were very important to David and exposed wiring was not in his design plan. (He had a binder with color swatches.)

It was getting later and later, and around 3:45am Patrick finished the first light. He really had to give it up to electricians. This was not easy work. Luckily, he’d only shocked himself once and that was enough.

He wanted to say he was doing this strictly for the store, that it was just completing the list of things that needed to get done. But around 4:15am when he was about finished with the second light, Patrick’s motives changed. He wanted David to notice. He wanted to show him how dedicated he was to the store. …yes, the store.

At 4:36am, the lights were finished. Well, they were good enough. Patrick was delirious and certain he was going to electrocute himself if he worked on it any longer. Thankfully, they had agreed on a grand opening at 1pm so he had some time to sleep.

David better notice the lights.

* * *

 

The next morning – well, later that morning – Patrick was unlocking the front door to Rose Apothecary. The store was still and quiet. It looked beautiful. It was all going to change in an hour when they finally opened the doors to their families and friends… and all their families and friends – okay, really, the whole town and then some.

He was understandably exhausted, running on 5 hours of sleep, having to run a few errands before the opening. He tried not to let it show having purchased a cold brew from the gas station on his way over to the store. There wasn’t much else to do at the store to set up but to turn everything on and make final adjustments.

And, of course, wait for David. He knew he’d be coming in as close to opening as possible. They had decided it was best for Patrick to be at the register in case any prices or numbers got weird and for David to be on the floor explaining products to customers. It was also a chance for David to really show off his creation.

He’d seen quite a few people walk past the store – more than usual. It filled him with excitement. There were _people_ waiting for their store.

David came around the corner and entered the store with a shocked look.

“Uh, so I was just verbally assaulted by a very off-brand customer in line outside.”

“Well, David, I have really underestimated you,” Patrick said, glancing out the windows where more people were gathering.

“How so?” David asked, side-eying him.

“Who knew you had so many friends?” he replied dryly. “Or family members, for that matter.”

“Okay, what do we do?” David was not in the mood for jokes. “I for one blame Gwyneth.”

Patrick smiled and tried to exhibit the calm that David should have.

“David, relax. It’s going to be fine.”

David looked up and behind Patrick, panic still set in his face.

“Oh my god, the lights! I didn’t call the electrician.”

Patrick reached back and flicked on the light switch. The lights turned on, their delicate glow bouncing off the white tiles.

“I watched a lot of YouTube tutorials,” he tried to say nonchalantly.

“This is very impressive,” David said, giving Patrick a smile that warmed him.

“Well, there is a good chance I didn’t wire that properly,” he said before lightly jabbing, “so that’s why I also got the insurance that you forgot to get.”

“Okay,” David bantered, “Ah, there is only so much that I can do in a day.” Patrick could already tell he was much calmer than when he first came in. He was there to be David’s safety net and he was more than happy to be his emotional support.

“So… um… are we ready to do this?” David asked him. His eyes were lit up with excitement as they should be.

“Open the doors.”

“Okay.”

David stepped over to the doors before Patrick teased in a loud whisper, “Softly.”

“Okay,” he replied, slightly annoyed at this joke that Patrick will never give up. He flipped over the ‘Open’ sign and opened the door.

* * *

 

What a _rush_.

They were slammed from open to close. Patrick barely ever had a chance to touch base with David and check in. The minute David got even close to the register, someone else would pull him aside for another question about a product. David would give him an apologetic smile and go willingly.

He’d occasionally get breaks at the register and look up to watch David. Admittedly, Patrick was surprised at how easy this was for David and how good he was with customers. He was accommodating but firm and very patient. Patrick would get snippets of his conversations with customers, all of them asking about the 25% discount at some point. At around 7pm, he thought David was going to crack from that question being asked so many times, but he treated the sixtieth customer like the first.

A few times David caught Patrick watching him. He’d give a shy smile before getting pulled away again. Those brief moments were thrilling. They were so in sync as business partners that he wondered what it’d be like to be, well, _partners_. To own the store as a couple would mean so much to the town. Flirting was fun: the glances, the teasing, the light touches. But it was stressful. He wanted to say so much to him yet refrained because it was easier to say nothing. It was also far, far too early to be having these thoughts. They hadn't even gone on a date.

He’d find the courage. He always did.

The last customers were ushered out the door around 9:30pm, about half an hour later than they had planned. They had purchased their items and were lingering as they asked David a flurry of insightful questions about the store. He appeared to be enjoying the conversation and was no rush to end it. Patrick had already closed out the register and was hanging out in front of the counter, sipping on leftover wine while he watched the object of his affection flourish under the praise and attention.

With a gentle nudge, David got them out the door and into the night. He flipped the sign to ‘Closed’ before turning back to Patrick.

“Well, this was a success,” he said as he stepped closer.

“I would say so, yeah,” Patrick replied, glancing at the emptied shelves and tables. “Although you know we’d be 25 percent richer if we had just done a hard launch, but hey, I’m just the numbers guy.”

“Uh, but had we not done the soft launch, we wouldn’t have lured all those people.” Patrick set his cup down on the counter.

“Well, you know, the best thing is that we never have to talk about it again because we’re officially open.”

“That is true,” David said, smiling.

“Congratulations, man,” Patrick said, holding out his arms for a hug.

“Congratulations to you,” David responded as he wrapped his arms around him.

They lingered there for a moment and Patrick’s head was swimming. He felt David’s hair against his cheek. His hands were searing through his thin button-down shirt. _His cologne_. It all felt so right and so comfortable. Despite all his eccentricities, David was the best business partner or co-worker Patrick had ever had. He loved working with him. And after a hard day at work, this is exactly what he longed to come home to: being with David as a friend and a partner. It wasn’t enough to just flirt anymore. Patrick needed to take action.

The lights flickered.

Those damn lights.

“I can fix that,” he said, withdrawing from David.

“Okay, yeah, I was just gonna say…”

He glanced up at the lights. Maybe he did need to call an electrician.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Follow me on tumblr @davidrosesboyfriend


	5. birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's David's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, but you expected that, didn't you?
> 
> WARNING: Overuse of italics.
> 
> Also, I figured out Patrick drives a 2015 Hyundai Sonata, in case you were wondering just how far down this rabbit hole I am.
> 
> Set during S03E13 "Grad Night"
> 
> Enjoy!

The days following their grand opening were pure bliss. It was certainly one thing to be setting up the business, but it was another to finally be _doing_ it. This is what Patrick went to school for. He loved the intricacies and the challenges owning a business provided, and to be selling products that were locally sourced? Good for the community _and_ their bottom line.

It was Friday and Patrick was in a great mood. They had sold a whole case of lavender-honey lotion the previous night which put the numbers up for the week and they were in great shape for the weekend. It also didn’t hurt that his business partner made all the butterflies in his stomach go nuts.

He felt so silly to say David was the reason he got out of bed a little bit quicker in the morning, but it was true. He wanted to spend all his time with his business partner and talk to him and listen to his stories and… _everything_. He promised himself that he would ask David on a date before the end of the month which was rapidly approaching. That hug after their grand opening and feeling David so solidly against his body made Patrick itch for more. He had a romantic streak that was dying to come out.

It had been a very, _very_ long time since Patrick had had a crush that knocked him over like this. He stopped caring that David made him feel like a schoolboy. It was fun. There was a pull between them that he was happily leaning into, and from the looks of it, David felt the same.

Well, he figured David felt the same way. Many mornings started with so much playful banter and flirting that it made Patrick’s heart want to explode. But today David didn’t seem interested in that. In fact, he came in without so much of a smile or anything and went straight to work. There was always at least a solid 20 minutes of playful banter and flirting before any actual work was done.

A customer came in soon after they opened. David took to the register while Patrick tended to their plants for sale.

“Oh, can I get a gift receipt for that? It’s for an anniversary,” the customer asked.

“Oh, well isn’t that thoughtful,” David replied bitterly. “I wish everyone remembered special days like that, but alas, that’s not what the world is anymore.”

“I’ll just take that gift receipt.”

“You’re a good person.” Patrick watched the customer head toward the door, then glanced at David who immediately went back to restocking lotion without another word.

“Is everything okay?” he asked him.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” David said brusquely.

“Alright.” If he didn’t want to talk, they didn’t have to talk about it. It looked like it was going to be a long day if that was the case.

“Here’s a question,” David said after a moment. “Um, has your family ever forgotten your birthday? Like, your parents and your sister, collectively, as a whole?” He thought about it for a second.

“That would be a no,” he answered. “No, we’ve always had some kind of party.” Birthdays were kind of a big deal in his home growing up.

“Oh.”

“In fact, sometimes two parties. One before school ended with my friends. And then another with family, with my cousins who were kinda more like siblings—“ David started squirming as he kept talking. “—But they, they’ve forgotten other things.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Yeah.” Another curt reply. This really wasn’t a conversation about birthday party traditions.

“I’m kinda piecing together that it might be your birthday,” Patrick said. He could put two and two together.

And he had an idea.

“Yes, it is,” David confirmed, slightly defeated.

“Well, happy birthday!” he said warmly before jokingly asking, “How old are we?”

That question earned him the _dirtiest_ look.

“Do you have any plans for today, or…?” he asked David. He was going for some playful banter before asking David on a date, but that was not happening.

“I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early. So just a regular weeknight.”

Patrick chuckled. At least David never lost his humor even when he was upset.

“That sounds like fun.”

“It is.”

“You ever tried the Café Tropical?” Patrick asked sarcastically. “I’ve heard people raving about how moderately edible the food is there.” His heart started beating a bit faster, thumping against in his chest. He had planned and practiced this all week in his car but of course, he’s still nervous.

“Well, yes,” David answered, cracking a smile.

“We could-we could go for a birthday dinner,” he suggested, trying for casual and confident but with his heart pounding, he tripped over his words.

“You don’t have to do that.” David thought he pitied him when it could not be further from the truth.

“No, I-I’d like to.”

Patrick watched David consider his offer.

“Sure.”

“Should we say eight o’clock?”

“Okay,” David said with a small smile.

“Okay,” Patrick echoed with the same smile.

He was trying his best to not grin like a lunatic as he spritzed the plants, but fireworks were going off in his head. He did it! They were going on their first date tonight! They were going to have to close a little early so he could run home and get ready. He needed to figure out a gift because there was no way he was showing up without one. But what to get the man who buys everything? Not clothes or anything normal people would consider fancy. Not anything that dies, so animals and plants are out—

That’s when he remembers what he’s doing, coming back down to Earth. He stared at the box of soaked ferns.

“Those are wet now.”

“That’s a lot of spritzing,” David commented.

“I’m gonna dry those off,” Patrick said, heading to the back room for a towel.

“Okay.”

Once he was alone, he let himself smile as big as his face would allow him. He was going on his first date with a man and it was with _David_. This could not be more perfect.

* * *

 It was possibly _too_ perfect.

The rest of Patrick’s day was spent in his own head figuring out what to get David. He hoped he didn’t think he was being weird when his answers were a little stilted or he was staring a little too long.

Five o’clock rolled around and they locked their doors. Patrick posted a small sign in the window saying, “Sorry for the inconvenience – it’s David’s birthday and we’re out celebrating!”

“I don’t know why you needed to put that on the sign,” David said as he printed out their sales total receipt.

“It’s an exciting day!” he replied as he came over to the counter. David gave him a small smile.

“Well, I have everything set out for you to close out the register, so I’m, um, gonna head out so I can get ready.”

“I’m gonna get you to do math one of these days.”

“But it’s my birthday,” David whined jokingly. Patrick chuckled.

“That’s fair,” he said. David stepped away from the register and headed toward the door.

“See you at eight o’clock.” He gave Patrick a shy wave before finally exiting.

Patrick exhaled heavily. The whole day had gone by and he had yet to figure out what to get David. Had this been literally any other friend he would have gone with a gift card or tie or whatever. But this was David, the man he’d been crushing on for months. It had to be better than a gift card to the Olive Garden in Elmdale. (As if he’d ever see David stepping a foot into an Olive Garden either.)

He opened the cash door and quickly counted everything in there, reconciling it with the slip David had printed. Thankfully there were no problems; it would have killed him to stay later to resolve them. He lifted the drawer to toss the receipt in there to file in the morning and saw it.

The receipt from their first sale. The culmination of their work together. Really, their baby.

He hadn’t told David he saved it.

This was definitely something he couldn’t buy at JCPenney.

* * *

Patrick had a plan.

  1. Shower and change at home.
  2. Buy a frame at the craft store.
  3. Woo David at dinner.
  4. Gift him his gift.
  5. Drive David home and, if everything has gone well, kiss him.



That last one had every emotion in Patrick’s brain swirling. Nothing dirty, of course. They didn’t need to make-out in the backseat like teenagers. Just… kiss him.

The butterflies in his stomach took flight every time he thought about what that would be like.

The stop at the craft store could not have gone better. The woman working there was thrilled to help him. She helped him select a quality frame, set the receipt inside, and then gift wrapped it for free. Normally meticulous, Patrick was certain he would have torn any wrapping paper or bag if he’d done it himself.

He had the right to be nervous. This wasn’t some store-bought present. Sentimental gifts _meant_ _something_. He so desperately wanted this to go well. If it didn’t, things were going to be very awkward at the store.

He arrived at the restaurant a little early to scope out a table. David was going to be there soon, so he needed to get his nerves a moment or two to settle down.

“Ooh, who’s the present for?” Twyla asked with a big smile, nodding to the gift gently tucked in the corner of the booth.

“Oh, David Rose,” Patrick answered. “It’s his birthday today.”

“Wow! How exciting!” she said as she slid two menus onto the table. “I love birthdays. Our carrot cake isn’t the freshest so it’ll hold candles pretty well—“

“I’m not sure we’re going to do cake tonight,” Patrick interrupted. He could practically feel the dryness of the cake in his mouth. “But I’ll definitely let you know.”

“I’ve been known to lead a very rousing chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’—“

“That, I’m pretty sure David won’t want.”

“Gotcha,” Twyla said, deflated. She slid her hands into her apron. “Well, keep me posted. I’m on a break in like, 20 minutes, so don’t take too long, ‘kay?” She gave him another brilliant smile before bouncing to the next table.

Patrick took another deep breath, laying his hands in his lap. This was going to go well. He and David worked so well when they were alone. This was going to be nothing.

Then David came through the door.

He had changed to another sweater and this one Patrick wanted to rub his face in it. He had felt how soft some of David’s sweaters were the times they had hugged and the lightning bolt sweater was by far one of the softest.

“I almost didn’t see you there through the mad rush of the Friday night dinner crowd,” David joked as he approached the table.

“I’m just so relieved that I made a reservation,” Patrick answered.

“Yes, well, you look very nice.”

“Oh, thanks,” he said, faking nonchalance. “Well, you know, I assumed the café would have a dinner jacket policy and I didn’t want to wear one of theirs.”

Joking with David was so natural. This was going to be easy.

“Mhm. Well, the amazing thing about this place,” David said wryly as he opened his menu, “is that they’ve done such a wonderful job of editing down their menu to a very concise, world-class selection of international cuisine.” Patrick chuckled when David opened the menu even further. It was truly absurd how many cuisines Café Tropical tried to fit on the menu. Even more ironic was the fact they didn’t even _do_ tropical food.

“Agreed, agreed,” he said, then pointed to the menu. “Dare we try the deep-fried mozzarella stick platter?”

“Mm. They do a lovely wine pairing with that, so…”

“Sorry, I’m late!” a voice said.

Stevie was standing at the end of their table.

“Is everybody here or are other people coming?” she asked.

Never had Patrick felt this off-balance.

“I don’t know. I-Is anyone else coming?” He hoped David couldn’t read the panic in his eyes.

“No. This is, um, this is it,” David answered. “In case you didn't know, I'm wildly popular. Some might even venture to call me beloved.”

“That’s a bit of a stretch,” Patrick said sarcastically.

David gave him one of his favorite smiles and it made Patrick wish even more they were alone.

“Welcome, Stevie,” he said, hiding his nervousness poorly. “I-I-I’m sorry. If I’d known you were coming I would’ve had them set, uh, three places, but uh—“

“Oh!”

“Did I not tell you?” David asked uncomfortably.

“But you know, hey, the more the merrier,“ he said as he watched all his plans crumble to the ground. “I'm just going to hit the restroom real quick. And then I'll come back.” He slid out of the booth and raced to the bathroom.

Quickly locking the door and leaning against it, Patrick needed to regroup. He wasn’t prepared to flirt with David in front of other people while they actively looked on. He liked Stevie, he really did, but her and David were best friends. They had their own banter that dominated conversation and sure, Patrick was well versed in David pile-ons, but that’s not how he wanted to spend his first date with him.

This was salvageable. He could still give David a ride home and then give him his gift. Yes, then in the stillness of the car, David could see just how much Patrick cared about him. Eh, then they run the risk of David’s family coming outside if they’re there too long.

Maybe this wasn’t his night after all.

He may as well make the best of it.

After another couple deep breaths, Patrick emerged from the bathroom and saw David’s gift out in the open.

“Oh, I see you found my present,” he said, trying for cool.

“Um, yeah,” David said awkwardly. “We didn’t want anything to spill on it.” His eyes kept darting to Stevie.

“So you put it on the table?”

“Yeah.” David nodded bashfully. Clearly something happened before he got back.

“Open it, David!” Stevie suddenly declared. Panic immediately set in. This was officially not fun for him.

“Oh, no, no, no, no. You can open it later,” he argued as Stevie kept chanting ‘Open it!’. He tried pulling the bag away but David was tugging on the other side. “It’s really not a big deal. It’s not—“ He let David win, sliding the bag across the table.

“This is the first gift I haven’t bought myself in a very long time,” David told them. “So thank you.” He immediately started pulling the tissue paper off the top. Patrick’s heart was in his throat but he couldn’t let them know.

“You’re going to be so underwhelmed when you open it. Trust me, it’s not—“

And there it was. The frame with the receipt in David’s hands.

“See? It’s nothing.”

“What is it?” Stevie asked, leaning over the table to see.

David was silent.

“Oh, it’s just the receipt from our first sale at the store,” Patrick explained. His heart pounded in his chest.

But then he looked at David who was staring at him curiously, fondly.

“Um, this is not nothing,” David said tenderly. “So thank you.”

His thanks settled in Patrick’s stomach. Its honesty warmed him. In all the time he had spent with David, he was rarely serious. The world narrowed to just the two of them in this moment. Patrick wished he was alone with David so he could follow one romantic gesture with another. But it would have to wait.

The clatter of ceramic plate and the smell of plastic-y cheese brought Patrick back to the table.

“I overheard someone wanted mozzarella sticks for their birthday,” Twyla said smugly. “Pretty sure I scraped off all the freezer burn.”

“Wow, look at those…” he said. He had never seen a sadder plate of deep fried cheese.

“You guys need anything else?” she asked as she removed her apron. “’Cause I’m heading out, so…”

“You know what? I have to go too,” Stevie said, gathering her things. Patrick stood up to let her out of the booth. She nabbed a fistful of mozzarella sticks. “I’m gonna take some to go—”

“Okay, I should warn you, those don’t travel well,” Twyla said. “Even coming from the kitchen they lost a lot of shape.” She quickly left them alone. A ten-minute break was only so long.

They truly were the saddest mozzarella sticks he had ever seen. He needed to make a list of all the restaurants he wanted to take David to. He deserved better than this.

“This is a very solid frame,” David said. He seemed calmer, more at ease which soothed Patrick. His nerves were settling while the normal butterflies took flight.

“Thank you. I’m learning.” He’d have to thank the woman at the craft store later.

David gently placed the frame on the tissue paper.

As much as Patrick wanted to live in this quiet moment, the mozzarella sticks weren’t going to be warm for much longer.

“Shall we?”

They each picked up a mozzarella stick and ‘clinked’ them together.

The rest of dinner went exactly as expected. Conversation flowed so easily and naturally. He found out all about all of David’s previous birthdays and how they were disappointing in one way or another. He talked about his own problem with having a birthday near the holidays and getting the dreaded birthday-Christmas gifts. As he talked, David watched him with a small smile constantly tugging at his lips.

There was nowhere else Patrick wanted to be.

* * *

With the bill settled, Patrick and David departed for the motel in Patrick’s Sonata.

While the dinner was lively and comfortable, the drive was silent.

All Patrick could focus on was kissing David before the night was over.

Electricity thrummed through his body. Earlier, he envisioned himself giving some smooth line he had rehearsed in his head, then taking David’s face in his hands and kissing him within an inch of his life. Instead, his heart felt enlarged. He had to do it. He would regret it every minute he would see David from now until eternity if he didn’t.

David didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were closed, taking in the cool breeze from the open window.

They pulled up to the motel and parked.

“Well that was a fun night,” David said with a delicate smile as he turned to Patrick.

“I’m really glad I decided to invest in your business, David,” he said seriously. He meant it. If he hadn’t, he would not be in his car right now thinking about how much he desperately wanted the man in the passenger seat.

“That is a really lovely thing to say,” David replied.

“‘And I’m so glad you did, Patrick, because you’ve really turned it into the success that it is,’” Patrick said sardonically.

“Mm! A bold claim,” David said, playfully nodding. Patrick couldn’t help but smile. He knew David wasn’t the best at expressing gratitude with words, but he knew the gratitude was there.

David’s gaze grew serious as the silence between them lengthened. Patrick started to panic. What was the next part of his script?

Then David leaned very purposefully, nearly imperceptibly, toward him.

His breath caught and his heart leapt to his throat.

David leaned further over the console and Patrick met him halfway as their lips connected. David took control and he was certainly not shy about kissing him. His lips were unbelievably soft and Patrick could taste the sweetness of the cream cheese frosting from the carrot cake Twyla surprised them with, sans candle and singing. He could feel the sandpapery burn of David’s 5 o’clock shadow brush his chin. The aroma of his cologne was completely intoxicating this close. His hand cupped Patrick’s cheek, his wide palm like a brand on his skin.

He had kissed a few girls in high school, trying to fit in. It never felt right. Everything always felt off.

But right now, in his Hyundai Sonata, there was absolutely no doubt Patrick was kissing a _man_.

Better yet, it was a man he was crazy about. It was _David_.

Almost as quickly as it started, David shyly withdrew and sat back in his seat without a word. Patrick was stunned. It confirmed everything he had been feeling for years – and for specifically David – in only a couple seconds. Few moments in his life had been so clear as this one. And he was so relieved _someone_ in the car had it together enough to do it.

“Thank you,” Patrick finally said.

“For what?”

“I’ve never done that before… with a guy,” he explained. He was embarrassed to admit that to David, but he had to be honest.

David’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Okay…” he said.

“Yeah,” Patrick continued as his heart sped up. “And uh, I was getting a little scared that I was going to let you leave here without us having done that. So, um, thank you for, uh, making that happen for us.” David’s face softened with an adoring smile.

“Well,” David said, then paused as if to gather his words. “Fortunately, I am a very generous person. So…”

Patrick chuckled. It was such a relief that nothing was going to change between them, that their relationship was only going to grow and develop from this point. Everything they had before tonight was just as real as it was right here. David wasn’t going to stop being himself after this and Patrick couldn’t be more grateful.

He was hesitant to say he was falling in love, but he was prepared for the dive.

“Can we talk tomorrow?” he asked David. Sure, they were going to be at the store, but there was a difference between talking and _talking_.

David nodded emphatically.

“We can talk whenever you’d like,” he said before adding dryly, “Just preferably not before 10am because I’m not really a morning person.”

“Mhm.” David was ridiculous.

They were both all smiles as David unbuckled his seatbelt and exited the car with his gift.

“Goodnight, David.” David leaned through the car window.

“Goodnight, Patrick,” he answered softly. He walked up to the motel room door and glanced back at Patrick with the same contained, excited smile Patrick knew he himself was wearing. Then he watched David slide into the room, gently shutting the door behind him.

Patrick fell back against his seat, beaming. Everything was swirling in his head: nervousness, relief, excitement, yearning, desire, unbridled joy. He couldn’t think of a time when he was this happy. To have his first kiss with a man be with the one he had been crushing on since basically the first time they met was unimaginable, yet here he was. And he wanted to do it again and again and again.

He pulled out onto the road and started the journey home, the cool night air whipping through the open windows. The radio played softly as he drove down the country highway. That is, until Patrick heard the dulcet tones of Boyz II Men. He laughed. Never once had he related to love song dedications but tonight it was exactly what he wanted.

He cranked the dial and sang the whole way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, the Boyz II Men song is "I'll Make Love to You". (Assume the other songs are Savage Garden, Sixpence None the Richer, and Whitney Houston.)
> 
> Thanks for reading! I've got more plans for this pairing, so stay tuned.
> 
> UPDATE 01/12/18: I am adding all of season 4 to this!


	6. morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the light of morning, there is much to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am continuing here with this fic! I'll be updating this along with the Canadian broadcasts (which have already been happening).
> 
> I have to admit: I had actually already seen this episode back in November at Vulture Fest in LA! So I knew things weren't gonna be awkward starting season 4. Now it's unchartered territory so forgive me if I have to retcon some of my personal writing. 
> 
> Set during S04E01 "Dead Guy in Room 4"
> 
> Enjoy!

_Wow._

Patrick’s skin was buzzing, his lips still tingling from when David kissed him. It had been hours since it happened, but he couldn’t fall asleep. The moment kept playing over and over in his head. Each time he’d remember other little things from the evening: David’s smile at his gift, his cologne, his palm against Patrick’s cheek. It was all so clear.

With the door finally open, his imagination was swirling with possibilities. He thought about David and him kissing in the store, holding hands while walking through town, and having a home-cooked dinner together. He could picture them watching a movie together at his place, curled up on the couch. At some point during the film, they’d start kissing, slowly and tenderly. Then David would straddle his lap and they’d really be making out, David’s hands in his hair, his hands running up David’s back. And then David would unbutton Patrick’s shirt before tugging at his belt…

Patrick threw off the covers for the fourth time that night thanks to that scenario and many, many others like it. He was going to torture himself if he kept letting his mind go wild. He knew he wasn’t ready to go there yet as much as he wanted to touch and keep touching. This was the first romance in which he was one hundred percent emotionally present. He wanted to take things slowly to savor each and every precious minute.

But he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t want David in his bed. _God_ , did he want that. He wanted _David_ to want _him_ like that.

So here he was, staring at the ceiling with the covers strewn aside, grinning like an idiot. Tenderly, Patrick ran his fingers over his lips as if he could still feel the kiss.

_They did that._

He glanced over at his bedside clock: 5:04am. Good a time as any to start the day if he wasn’t going sleep anyway.

* * *

 

Dawn was just breaking as Patrick unlocked the front doors to the store. The whole place was aglow from the warmth of the sun. He’d never seen the store at sunrise. He took a moment to lean against the counter, silently sipping from his insulated coffee mug, watching the products become illuminated from the sunlight peeking over the trees. Despite his lack of sleep, Patrick had never felt more awake.

For the next couple hours, he reorganized the products on the tables, put labels on newly arrived products, checked all the testers, and swept. He was in the midst of rearranging the baskets on the wall when he heard the door open.

His breath caught in his throat and he couldn’t help but smile, seeing him in the doorway.

“Hi,” David said softly.

“Hi,” Patrick echoed. He let out a quiet laugh. The joy he felt in his chest was enormous.

David cautiously approached him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, his hand on Patrick’s shoulder. It was a familiar greeting he’d never done before and it was one Patrick could get used to.

“So someone’s been busy,” David remarked as he glanced around the store.

“Oh yeah. Yeah. Been up since 5. Could not sleep. Been thinking about… stuff. You know, last night.” Why was he getting shy now? David knew what they did last night.

“Regrets?” David asked, wincing.

“What? No. Why would I have regrets?” He was so confused. Did David have regrets?

“I don’t know. I think it’s a habit to ask.”

“Oh, no. No regrets,” Patrick assured him. “No, I feel good. I feel like a weight’s been sort of lifted off my shoulders. It’s all very new and it’s a lot to process.” He still couldn’t believe that happened last night. With every minute, it felt more and more surreal.

“Well, here’s something fun: what if I stayed at your place tonight?” David asked playfully.

Oh. Oh boy.

“Huh.”

He was not prepared for that question. Patrick had seen movies where gay men have sex immediately, and figured that was only in the movies. David wanted him this much to dive off the deep end from the very start…

“It’s just that there are some things happening at the motel and I—“ He cut David off.

“Yeah, uh, sorry, David. Maybe I haven’t been clear,” he said seriously. “But I’m gonna have to take this a lot slower than a sleepover tonight.” The tangled emotions in his chest made it so hard to say no. While he _wanted_ to, he _needed_ to go at his own pace to process everything happening.

“Oh, okay, no, not like a sleepover-sleepover—“

“I think that it’s important that I be honest with you about how I’m feeling ‘cause I know you have a lot of experience in this area,” he said. He couldn’t believe they were having this conversation this soon. “But for me—“

“Oh my god, no.” David said defensively. “I mean, yes, I do, but that’s not what I’m implying—“

Just then, the doorbell chimed and in walked David’s mother, Mrs. Rose. Patrick had met her at the store opening. She’d come in a couple times after and never remembered his name. David turned to look behind him.

“A ding-a-ding,” she said cheerfully.

“Oh, hey Mrs. Rose,” Patrick answered. He picked up a box and said to David, “Just taking this to the back. Maybe we’ll talk about this later?” He made a beeline to the back of the store where he could finally breathe.

He wasn’t upset, just bewildered. David seemed so understanding last night when he disclosed his greenness. If that was miscommunicated, there were going to be bigger issues.

“Yeah, but it’s some crossed wires—“ David called after him before presumably turning to his mother. “May I help you?”

“It’s startlingly quiet in here, David. Is that a good sign?”

“I thought you were booked up all day and that’s why you couldn’t help Dad with the dea—with that thing at the motel.”

So there really was an issue at the motel.

“I am booked up, David. You should see my schedule. I’m positively bedeviled with meetings, et cetera,” she explained.

“What are you doing here?!” David asked, exasperated.

Patrick grabbed another box of products and went back out into the main room where David and Mrs. Rose were still speaking.

“You know what I’d love? A tea.”

“We don’t sell tea!”

“You know, I was gonna go make a run to the café. I could get you a tea if you want,” Patrick offered. He could tell she wanted private time with David, and he was ready for some fresh air.

“No, that’s not necessary,” David said to him.

“How serendipitous,” she said. “Thank you, Peter.”

“It’s Patrick,” he corrected her. It wasn’t the first time she’d forgotten his name. “Anything else?”

“Nothing else for me, thank you, just the scone,” Mrs. Rose called after him. He stopped.

“You mean the tea?”

“Why not? Thank you.”

Patrick made eye contact with David who was clearly displeased with his mother making demands of him. He hated to leave him when they had so much to discuss, but now was not the time.

He looked back at David before exiting the store and into the warm sunlight. The tension in his shoulders diminished with each step toward the café. He hadn’t realized how charged that room was given how little they had said.

Once inside Café Tropical, Twyla greeted him at the counter.

“Good morning! Back so soon?” she asked, referring to last night.

“That I am,” he said. “But I’m just here for some drinks to take back to the store.”  
  
“Gotcha. You get the black coffee, nothing added, and David gets the…” She trailed off as she moved toward the coffee machine.

“Caramel macchiato with skim,” Patrick finished for her, then added, “Oh, and can you put the two sweeteners at the bottom of the cup before you pour in the milk? He always forgets to tell you then complains later about the grittiness when he has to add it himself. And the sprinkle of cocoa powder on top, too.”

“Sure thing,” Twyla replied, giving him her thousand-watt smile.

“And a tea, whatever you’ve got, and that scone.” He pointed to a blueberry scone on the pastry dish.

“Got it.”

Twyla was getting so fast with her drink-making skills. The first time David ordered a caramel macchiato, Twyla had to dust off the espresso machine. Now, she had the skill of a seasoned barista. At least, when it came to caramel macchiatos, given the frequency at which she had to make them.

In mere minutes, he had three drinks in a tray and a scone in a bag, and was headed back to the store. Hopefully David and Mrs. Rose were able to discuss whatever important family business while he was out.

The pair were silent and watching him when he reentered the store, presumably so he wouldn’t hear their conversation.

“One tea for you,” Patrick said, handing Mrs. Rose her drink. He turned to David with his cup, “One caramel macchiato with skim, two sweeteners, and a sprinkle of cocoa powder for you.”

“Thank you,” David whispered as he watched him curiously. He was with David every morning when they ordered coffee. Of course he knew his coffee order.

“You’re very speedy,” Mrs. Rose commented.

“Thanks,” he said. He held up the small paper bag. “I wasn’t sure about the scone, so I got one just to be safe.” She gave him a befuddled look.

“There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself, dear.” Patrick was very certain she had asked for a scone, but he wasn’t going to argue the point if she didn’t remember.

He quickly ducked to the back of the store again to stay out of their conversation. There wasn’t much left to do since he did most of it this morning before David even got there. Maybe he could start preparing their bills for the month?

“...refused the man and the next thing I know, he turns up dead!” Patrick could hear them murmuring before, but after Mrs. Rose’s exclamation, he couldn’t help but eavesdrop.

“Well, why didn’t you just give him the pill?”

“Because, David! … Killing a man! Over a complimentary bolus!”

 _That’s_ what was happening at the motel. David wasn’t using an excuse.

“Okay, well, are you even sure that the pill would’ve saved his life?”

“We’ll have to let the courts decide!”

“The courts?! Well, now that you’ve unloaded this on me, what am I? An accomplice?”

“David! I came here to be talked off a ledge, not pushed!”

This was getting ridiculous. He knew David only had a cursory knowledge of business and Mrs. Rose had even less. Patrick left the back room to confront the two of them with the truth.

“Can you imagine this,” David said to his mother, gesturing to his body, “In prison?!”

“Can I interject?” Patrick said loudly as he stepped behind Mrs. Rose. She turned to look at him. “I know I wasn’t supposed to be listening to this conversation, but it’s a small space and your voice carries so beautifully. Mrs. Rose, I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that you have nothing to worry about.”

“Well, that’s very kind of you, but now is not the time for well-intended placations,” she said dismissively, turning away from him.

He continued, “You’re legally prohibited from supplying medication to your guests. So by not giving him anything, you’ve actually avoided any potential liability in his death.” His hospitality business class was so long ago, but the rule was basically the same across all businesses.

Mrs. Rose gave him a pleased smile.

“Well, there we have it then. Thank god you’re here, Pa…”

“—trick,” David supplied.

“—trick,” she finished. “You know how David can get carried away, I’m sure.”

“Oh, I do,” he said lovingly. He adored that about David. There was never a dull moment and now he could certainly see where he got his flair for the dramatic.

“Well, I suppose I’ll head back to the scene of the crime of which I had nothing to do!” Mrs. Rose said before picking up a tub of clay mask cream and stuffing it in her bag. Was she seriously shoplifting from her own son’s store? In front of both of them, nonetheless?

“Can I ring that up for you?” Patrick asked awkwardly.

“I paid way too much for a wedge of brie last week, so let’s call it even.”

“I don’t think it works like that,” David corrected her.

She turned to David and said very quietly, “Alexis was right. He’s a button.”

David waited, clearly frustrated, as she left the store. Patrick guessed he wasn’t supposed to know David had talked to his mother about him. He gave David an awkward smile in return.

“Thanks,” David murmured as he picked up his drink. “This isn’t gritty.”

“I had her add the sweetener before milk,” Patrick explained sheepishly. David gazed at him with adoring eyes. He loved it when David gave him that look. It made his heart skip a beat.

But they really needed to talk.

“David—“

Just then, a customer came in looking for a face cream that worked for both dry and oily skin, and the moment was gone. David did what he does best and assisted the customer with ease and grace in finding the perfect product.

Patrick let himself drift back to the back room. He didn’t need to be hovering around waiting for David to finish.

Once he heard the bell chime and the shop go quiet, Patrick knew it would be safe to emerge to talk. David was leaning on one of the back tables, staring off in the distance, his hands pressed into the homespun sweaters.

“So you told your mom about us?” he asked.

“No,” David said after a moment. “I told Alexis about us and she likely told my mom.”

“Ah.”

There was so much he wanted to say to David. He wanted to apologize for jumping to conclusions. He wanted to tell him how much he did want to sleep with him, but just not yet. He wanted to tell him how much he felt for him, how much he meant to him. But they needed to finish their conversation from earlier, especially now that Patrick had the whole story.

“’Kay, listen, David—“

“No, you listen,” David said, brusquely cutting Patrick off. “Sorry, that came off way harsher than I wanted it to.

“I know how this looks, especially considering that you just told me you wanted to take things slow. But me wanting to stay at your place… It was more about what was happening at the—“

He was flustered, trying to apologize for something that he didn’t need to apologize for. Patrick was the one who felt foolish, immediately thinking that’s what was going to happen, that he assumed that was what David wanted.

“I know that now,” Patrick said calmly, “and I’m sorry for assuming you just wanted to stay at my house to sleep with me, or whatever.” He grew shy and awkward as he admitted to his assumptions. As much as he knew it was wrong and wanted to take it slow, he was a bit saddened that the reason _wasn’t_ to sleep with him. It was really difficult to want it both ways.

There was a long pause before David responded, “No, it was purely circumstantial. You know, because of the dead body at the…”

“Right,” Patrick chuckled. Okay, maybe there was a little ulterior motive. That made his skin prickle with excitement. The fantasies from last night had refreshed and moved to the forefront of his mind, reminding him of something that is right within his grasp.

Guess it was his turn now. There was so much he wanted to tell him before his mother showed up and Patrick just needed to find that bravery again. He turned to David.

“You know, when you kissed me, that—that felt like my first time,” he confessed. “All the things you’re supposed to feel, I felt them last night.” His first kiss was with a girl in high school, and he remembered feeling disappointed. People in the movies described their first kisses like fireworks, but there were none with her. Last night, there was a full fireworks display.

David smiled at him, before saying, “Well, if we’re being honest with each other, this is sort of like my first time too.”

Patrick was confused. Hadn’t David…?

“I mean, it’s not. I’ve kissed like, a thousand people,” David corrected, making Patrick laugh. Then he got serious. “But nobody that I cared about. Or respected. Or thought was nice…? So in a way, it’s like we’re both starting something new.”

Patrick’s heart was thrumming a little faster. He thought he was going to be lightyears behind David in terms of experience in all realms, but here they were on equal footing. He already knew David cared about him yet to hear him say it aloud was something else. There was always a joke to guard him from any heartfelt admissions. His feelings for Patrick were instead spoken in their purest form.

“Thank you, David,” Patrick whispered. Then, jokingly added, “And hey, for the record, I also respect you and think that you’re a good person.” David nodded in understanding and Patrick waited for the volley.

“It’s just that I said nice person—”

“I know.”

“Oh.”

Patrick closed the gap between them. He wrapped his arms around David’s waist and kissed him tenderly. Warmth blossomed in his chest, flowing out like molten gold and filling his body with a yearning sensation. Second kisses were better than firsts.

“Just need you to say ‘nice’ person,” David said bluntly after breaking their kiss.

“You’re a good person,” Patrick repeated with a smirk. It was going to drive David nuts.

“That’s not nice,” he replied, smiling.

Patrick leaned back in and kissed David again, long and languidly. David draped his arms over Patrick’s shoulders as they gently swayed, trading sweet kisses that made Patrick dizzy. There was nothing else he'd rather do.


	7. privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Patrick can't seem to find any privacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright everyone. Strap yourselves in.
> 
> Episode 4x02 "Pregnancy Test"
> 
> I've just bumped up the rating for this fic thanks to this chapter. I'm trying very hard to not let this drift into the Explicit camp, but given that I'm best known for my Hamilton erotica, I can't promise anything. I also don't know what a 'short chapter' is.
> 
> Warning for light sexual content.
> 
> Enjoy!

Patrick was drunk on David.

He couldn’t stop thinking about his legs, his ass, his chest, his shoulders, his arms, his hands, his neck, his hair, his eyes, his voice, his lips…

Oh god, his _lips_.

David was a _great_ kisser. He was soft and tender, determined and dominant. Every kiss made Patrick want more.

Their first kiss was cute compared to the amount of making out he and David had done in the last week.

…which would have been more if they could just find some damn privacy.

It seemed like they had tried just about everywhere.

At the motel, David had to bribe Alexis to leave their room. It only ever bought them around 15 minutes before either of David’s parents came barging through the adjoining door or Alexis realized she forgot something.

The room Patrick was renting at Ray’s wasn’t good either. Every time they went over there, Ray would greet them and start talking, following them upstairs, and still speaking to them through the closed door. There was once when they got a solid 7 minutes in before Ray found them. It was a new record.

Making out in the backseat of Patrick’s car was challenging mostly because they were two grown men attempting to be as small and limber as two teenage boys. The backseat of a Hyundai Sonata was only so big.

They seemingly always ended up back at the store, which was fine for the time being. They could close the doors at night and get some quality time together. But seeing as there was only so much they could do standing up and David understandably refused to lay down on the floor, the store was turning into an equally bad location. Plus, customers kept coming in? Thankfully Patrick was able to break away to do his job when it was necessary. Business was second nature to him, after all.

A new routine started to emerge from their necessity to spend at least a little time alone together. They would both arrive about an hour before open and get their opening tasks done right away. Once everything was ready, they’d spend the rest of the time kissing until their first customer walked in the door.

They had truly reverted to their teenage selves.

This morning, David was late.

Patrick opened the store without him, as he had done many times before, but he couldn’t help yearning for David to be there for their new routine. He itched to feel David’s sweater under his fingertips and his soft lips against his own.

Patrick didn’t have a problem, no sir.

Around 10:15am, the bell chimed. He looked up from organizing the facial moisturizers and there was David striding right for him.

“Morning, David. I was worried you—” David cut him off with a kiss. “—weren’t coming in.”

David didn’t answer, just kissed him again, his arms wrapping around Patrick’s waist.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“Just wanted to catch us up since my family ruined my life,” David answered.

“What happened?”

“Well, for starters, Alexis is pregnant.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“Exactly,” David said judgingly. He turned them so he could sit down on one of the tables with Patrick between his legs. David leaned over to one of the small jars of something on the table next to him. He pressed the plastic jar into Patrick’s palm.

“Would you be so kind as to rub this under my eyes for me?” David asked, then kissed Patrick with equal sweetness.

Patrick wasn’t going to say no to that. He unscrewed it and took out a small dollop to apply to David’s beautiful face.

“I always knew this was going to happen eventually,” David said. “Our room is already too small with both of us in there and our parents barging in whenever. Now there’s going to be a baby. I’m not prepared to be an uncle and Alexis sure is not ready to be a mom. This is horrible news. I’m so upset, and I really need kisses to make me feel better.”

Patrick chuckled. He leaned down and gave David a lingering kiss.

“You don’t seem too upset.”

“Okay, I just think I’m in a state of shock, you know? The news is very numbing and I’m feeling very alone.”

“Mhm.”

He kissed him again.

“Imagine how Alexis must feel,” he said to David.

“Yeah, I haven’t spoken to her.”

“Huh.”

If he hadn’t talked to Alexis, how did he know she was pregnant? Actually, Patrick didn’t want to know. Any answer came with a deep invasion of privacy. David was probably assuming something from some outlandish “pregnancy sign” he had read online or in a magazine.

He had finished gently smoothing the cream under David’s eyes and looked at the container. He vaguely remembered ordering this.

“Remind me, what is this again?” he asked.

“That is a eucalyptus under-eye serum,” David explained.

Patrick gave him another kiss, resting his hands on David’s thighs.

“And remind me why you can’t apply it yourself?”

“Because it requires a steady hand and I’m going through a lot right now,” David said flirtatiously.

“Right.” Patrick was such a sucker for David flirting with him. Sometimes it was teasing, sometimes it was a helpless charade, sometimes it was silent stares. Any way you slice it, he was powerless to it.

David smiled as Patrick kissed him again. God, he wanted him so much—

_Ding!_

A customer. Of course.

They quickly pulled apart, trying to awkwardly play the part of two business partners who were not just making out. The customer didn’t look bothered in the slightest by the sight in front of her.

“Hey, I was looking for some—”

“We don’t sell that,” David interrupted.

“—bath salts,” she finished.

“We actually _do_ sell those,” Patrick corrected. “They’re on the middle shelf, just over there. I’ll be over to help you in a second.” He turned back to David.

“Okay,” David said, bothered. “Between Alexis getting knocked up and us not having enough privacy to connect, I’m feeling very shaken.” Patrick rested his hands on David’s thighs again and leaned in close.

“Do you think you’re gonna make it, though?” he asked teasingly.

“Unclear,” he answered, holding back a grin. “Unclear on whether I’m gonna make it through or not.”

“Hang in there,” Patrick whispered. He so badly wanted to kiss David again, but he knew if he did, he’d never go help that customer.

Much to his chagrin, the customer had a _lot_ of questions about bath salts: What were they made of? Why did they smell different? How did they smell different? What happens when you put bath salts in a bird bath? Can you use it on dogs? Did he think her dad would like some? Was it the same bath salts that guy took then ate that other guy’s face? Would they make her want to eat someone’s face off?

Normally, he could handle all of the weird questions the denizens of Schitt’s Creek threw at him, but when David was across the store giving him super flirtatious glances, Patrick could hardly focus. He knew he asked David if they could go slow, but that didn’t mean the sexual frustration wasn’t there. Far from it.

Once the customer had finally purchased her selections (over $120 worth, thank God), Patrick let out a sigh of relief. The store was blissfully empty again, but David wasn’t anywhere in sight.

Then he felt warm hands slide around his waist and stop right above his belt buckle, David pressed right up against him, his lips brushing Patrick’s ear.

“I need your help with something in the back,” David whispered.

Patrick didn’t need to be told twice.

He quickly followed him behind the curtain and was immediately pushed up against the nearest wall. David wasn’t often aggressive with him, but holy shit did it turn him on when he took control. What started as a simple kiss turned _filthy_. David’s tongue gently touched Patrick’s and any semblance of thought prior to this instant was gone.

David crowded him against the wall, his thigh slotted between Patrick’s legs, pressing deliciously against his groin. He could feel David’s interest pressed against his hip and he groaned. He wrapped his arms around David’s waist, one hand sliding under his sweater and t-shirt to press hotly against the skin, his fingertips just barely dipping under David’s waistband.

It was all the encouragement David needed to roll his hips, grinding his clothed erection into Patrick and _holy shit_. Stars exploded behind Patrick’s eyelids. He lightly pushed David’s lower back and he rolled his hips. Patrick tried it a second time, and David followed. He was basically guiding David to hump him, and he had never felt so alive.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” he moaned as he tipped his head back against the wall. David kissed his way down Patrick’s neck.

If this was any indication of what sex with David was going to be like, Patrick shivered with anticipation. He knew going slow was the best plan for the long-run. That didn’t mean he couldn’t imagine what it would be like. David was so well practiced and Patrick was an amateur. Sometimes it was difficult to think about all the people David had previously been with, but in this moment, Patrick was ready to send them each a fruit basket with a handwritten thank-you note.

Then he heard it.

That damn bell.

“David,” he murmured. “David, someone’s here.” David kissed back up his neck to his lips, seemingly ignoring him.

“They can take whatever they want,” he replied.

“No, we need to get out there.”

Then he heard Stevie from the main room say, “Ding ding!”

“You have to be kidding me,” David groaned quietly. He detangled himself from Patrick and disappeared behind the curtain. Cool air hit Patrick’s chest and he shivered.

“Hi, we’re actually closed today,” David said to Stevie.

“It’s 1 o’clock on a Friday,” she retorted.

Patrick had to get himself together if he was going to go out there at some point.

“Okay, is there something I can help you with?”

“Do you give all your customers this kind of VIP treatment?”

Patrick pressed the heel of his hand against the bulge in his jeans. Stevie already knew what they were doing, but he didn’t need to give her evidence of just how desperate things had gotten.

“Actually, I do. And I would love to keep chatting, it’s just that Patrick and I were working on fixing a lightbulb in the back, so…”

With another deep breath, he went out to join David and Stevie at the counter.

“Hey, Stevie.”

“Hi.”

“David and I were just in the back doing some inventory,” he lied.

“Yeah, it seems like you guys are really busy… at work…” she said sarcastically.

He was still so worked up that he needed to focus on literally anything other than David’s warm body next to him. He glanced out the window to check for any customers approaching the store.

“Oh, what’s that?” Stevie asked curiously, pointing between him and David.

“What’s what?” Patrick said.

“You got a little red, um, is that a bug bite? Or a little mouth-shaped sunburn?” she said, amusedly. “Looks like a hickey, actually.”

Patrick’s stomach dropped. He touched two fingers to his neck and pressed lightly. Dull pain prickled under his skin.

“It’s not,” he denied before turning to stare at David who was too happy about this for Patrick’s liking. “It’s not a hickey, right? Because that would be disgusting and wildly unprofessional. David, did you give me a hickey?”

“Okay, no, I didn’t,” David defended. “I gave you a half-hickey because we haven’t had the time or the privacy for me to give you a full hickey.”

Patrick picked up the mirror on the counter to examine David’s handiwork. He would have appreciated it more if it weren’t out there for everyone to see.

“If you give me 50 bucks, I’ll stand outside and tell people you’re on lunch,” Stevie offered.

“I’ll give you 50 cents to stand outside and never come back,” David shot back.

This was so mortifying. It was one thing to make-out when customers weren’t there but it was another to leave marks _proving_ they were making out when customers weren’t there.

“You see, this is why we can’t do this here,” Patrick said firmly before buttoning his collar all the way up. He looked ridiculous.

“Desperate times, huh?” she asked with a smirk.

“ _Trying_ times,” David corrected her. “Nothing about this is desperate. It’s just there’s a lot of people at the motel and Patrick is renting a room from Ray—”

“Who really likes to chat,” Patrick added.

“—So there has literally been zero privacy.”

“Well, if you want, I’m happy to offer you guys my apartment for the night,” Stevie said seriously.

“Why? Why would you do that?” David asked. He was oddly suspicious.

“Because I care about you two?"

“Okay, and where will you be?”

“Uh, if you must know, work’s been really stressful, so I’m going to take a little me time at a spa in Elmdale.” Seeing a dead body was a good enough explanation for the stress.

“That is super generous,” Patrick said. Though he was a little unsure if that was a good idea. David had told him about the incredibly brief fling he had with Stevie. “But wouldn’t it be a little bit weird us having alone time at your place? Especially ‘cause you guys have—"

“Oh god, we never—”

“Ugh, never—"

“We never did that there—”

“I still live there.”

Thank god, he wouldn’t have to be haunted by that thought if they took her up on it.

“We could consider it,” he said, looking to David who clearly had reservations on Stevie’s motive.

“What exactly is the catch?” he asked her.

“No catch.”

David hesitated, not knowing what to do with his hands. He must not have been expecting that answer. Why wasn’t he just saying ‘yes’ and ‘thank you’?

“David!” Patrick scolded him.

“What?!”

“We’ll take the place,” he said to Stevie.

“Okay, we’ll take the place,” David echoed.

“Great,” she said. “And I’ll take this.” Stevie grabbed the bag of strawberries she had dropped on the counter and quickly exited the store without paying. A couple customers came in as she left.

“So, there’s a bit of a catch,” David called after her.

“Why are you being weird?” Patrick said, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.

“She’s hiding something,” he said. “She would have asked for more if there wasn’t something.”

“Or she could just be a nice person, David. Not everyone has ulterior motives,” he said as he leaned in, placing his hands on David’s waist. “Can you talk to her and set it up for tonight?”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” He gave David a quick chaste kiss before departing to help the customers.

They just had to keep their hands to themselves the rest of the day and then they were home free. In a few short hours, they were going to have privacy and alone time they had never truly experienced in their entire relationship, even just as business partners. What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

Stevie’s apartment was located in one of the more populated areas of Schitt’s Creek, near the police station and the library. It was only one of three apartment buildings in town, so it was fairly easy to find.

“Are you ready for tonight?” David asked with a mischievous grin as they approached the front door of the building.

“So ready,” Patrick replied. He was elated to have alone time with David, even if it was at David’s ex’s apartment.

David led him upstairs to apartment #4 where he quickly rapped on the door. It opened and there was Stevie, her bag already slung across her body, ready to go as soon as she passed the keys off.

“Please, come in, come in. Welcome,” she greeted, ushering them into the apartment. “Um, make yourselves at home.” Both David and Patrick dropped their bags near the front table and entered, looking around.

The apartment was surprisingly decorated for a woman David had previously asserted lived underground. It was a simple little studio with a hodge-podge of furniture, including a large Queen-size bed taking up most of the space. The kitchen was rather spacious with a fridge Patrick hadn’t seen in years.

“Oh, and I marked the booze, so I know if you touch it,” she said, pointing to a bottle sitting on a shelf above the stove.

“I noticed the line is a couple inches above where the whiskey starts,” Patrick said as he leaned against the fridge. Clearly she didn’t care that much if they did.

“I am stunned by your generosity,” David said sarcastically. Stevie handed him the keys. “Where exactly are you going tonight?”

“Out to a spa.”

“Which she already told us, so maybe just say thank you,” Patrick said. He thought he had gotten David off this suspicion on the drive over, but there was no stopping him and Patrick knew that.

“Oh no, I did. I did say thank you multiple times,” David told him, resting his elbow on Patrick’s shoulder, before turning to Stevie and inquiring, “What is the name of the spa?”

“David, just let her go,” he scolded him.

“Okay, okay.”

There was a knock on the door. That was weird.

“Are we expecting company, or…?” David asked.

“No, I wasn’t,” Stevie replied.

Just then, a tall man in a white and olive Henley entered. Stevie turned to look at him and David seemed to take extreme interest as well.

Guess David was right about the lack of true altruism.

“Hey Pony,” he called, “you ready to go?”

“What are you doing? I said I would meet you outside,” she said, annoyed.

“I thought I’d help you with your bags,” he said to her. Then the man looked up and made eye contact with David, who was looking mighty smug. “David. Wow. It’s been a while.”

“Pony,” David said, presumably to Stevie, but Patrick was more thrown when this man _stepped right up and kissed David on the lips._

What?!

Patrick didn’t think he had a jealous or possessive bone in his body, yet suddenly all he wanted to do was make his territory. David was _his_.

“Wow, you look good,” the guy said to David who had taken to attaching himself to Patrick. “Who’s this guy?” He pointed to Patrick.

“This is… my…” David tried to answer. They never had to explain their relationship to anyone new before. everyone who knew they were together just knew they were together. They hadn’t needed to have the relationship label conversation yet. “That’s…”

Patrick extended his hand toward the man.

“Patrick.”

“That’s Patrick,” David helpfully supplied.

“And you are?” Patrick asked.

“Picking up Stevie,” the guy answered. That was… not helpful.

“Yeah, we’re gonna go, so…” Stevie said.

“So, not getting a name, then,” Patrick said defensively. He was mildly bothered that this man wouldn’t give him his name after he just _kissed his partner_.

“So you and Pony,” David said pointedly, “what do you have planned for tonight?”

“Well, it’s date night. So we thought we’d spend it in the woods.” The man was so casual even when the tension in the room clearly indicated otherwise.

“Yeah, just galloping around the woods, huh? With your Pony? Not at a spa, so.” David was clearly bitter. “I take it you two are still—”

“Seeing each other, yes,” Steven interrupted. “As it turns out, we are.”

“After we all broke up…” the man began. He said more words after that, but Patrick was very much stuck on that: ‘we all’? What did that _mean_?

“Yeah, yeah. No, it didn’t stick, did it,” David said, staring right at Stevie.

Patrick wanted an explanation to this bizarre statement. “When you say ‘we all broke up’—”

“So you offering your apartment had nothing to do with any guilt you felt about harboring a little secret,” David said to Stevie, ignoring Patrick’s question.

She paused, then gave the tiniest ‘nope’. She was very clearly embarrassed to be caught in her lie. “Just trying to be a good person. So. We’re going to go. Leave you two lovebirds—”

“Unless you two wanna come?” the guy asked.

“Nope, I don’t think so,” David said as he once again glommed onto Patrick’s arm. He was being incredibly weird about this, which was understandable because ‘we all broke up’???

“You do you,” the guy said before following Stevie out.

“Good to meet you… man,” Patrick called back lamely.

The door finally closed, and they were alone. David began nervously petting at Patrick’s arm in anticipation of what Patrick was going to say next.

“So we’re gonna talk about this, right?” he asked bluntly.

“Yup,” David immediately replied. “Just gonna grab that bottle of—”

“Whiskey?”

“Yeah, the whiskey.”

Patrick paced a little bit as David looked for two clean glasses.

“Who was that, David?” he asked, sounding a little angrier than he intended.

“That,” David said, “is my ex, Jake.”

“Huh. Okay. And what did he mean by ‘when we all broke up’? That’s the part I can’t seem to wrap my head around…”

Did Jake mean they were all dating each other? Like, a throuple? He thought David and Stevie were forever ago but maybe it was more recent than that. Maybe David wished they hadn’t broken up. Was David polyamorous as well as pansexual? Would he want to date more people than just Patrick? He didn’t think he could handle having to share David with anyone. They had a hard-enough time finding time to themselves and to lose some of that time to someone else would kill him. Perhaps he was more possessive than previously believed.

David set down two tumblers next to the bottle of whiskey with a dull thud. Patrick stood across the counter from him, trying to slow his racing thoughts.

“It was a while ago, before I met you. Before I even bought the general store,” David explained as he poured. “And I met him—”

“Jake.”

“Yes, Jake, at a party. We were seeing each other for all of like, 12 hours before I discovered he was also dating Stevie without telling either of us. Then we all sat down and decided that none of us were going to date. Or at least, I thought that was what happened.”

“That doesn’t clear anything up.”

“Can we not talk about this?” David asked as he screwed the lid back on the whiskey bottle. “I want tonight to be about us and not them.”

Patrick sat down on the bench at the end of Stevie’s bed. He was shaken. The difference between their dating histories was vast. He didn’t have nearly as many skeletons in his closet as David did and David’s skeletons scared the shit out of him.

“So this is for you.” David handed him a glass of whiskey, then sat down beside him.

“Cheers to privacy,” David said as he leaned in for a kiss. Patrick turned his head away. He couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened.

“Sorry, just gotta go through that one more time,” he said. “So, you dated Jake, and then Stevie dated Jake. And at one point, you all—”

“No! See, that’s where you’re wrong,” he said defensively. “We almost all, but I said no.”

“Ah.”

“Because Stevie and I agreed that it would be a bad idea. But it appears that I’m the only one that held up my end of that agreement,” David explained bitterly.

Patrick took a sip of his whiskey. Nothing David was saying was comforting. Stevie was still dating the guy they had both decided to break up with and David had wanted to also stay with him. Skeletons, man.

“And you’re upset about this because you still—"

“No! I’m not upset. I don’t want any of that,” he said firmly. “It’s a principle thing. And we are getting side-tracked right now, okay? So, who is feeling sexy?” David shimmied his shoulders as he leaned in to kiss Patrick, who turned away again. David pressed his face into Patrick’s shoulder.

“Getting there for sure,” he said, trying to not let his insecurities of not being enough for David bubble up to the surface. “You know, I knew you had a rich dating history, David. I just didn’t expect to be graced by the presence of two of your exes tonight.”

David had lived and experienced so much more than he had. There were bound to be things that Patrick couldn’t be for him. He was asking David to take it slow when it was clear that he didn’t do that with Jake or Stevie. The last thing he wanted to be was inadequate because he cared about David so very, very much.

“Yeah, funny thing: neither did I, so…” David agreed, staring at Patrick, asking him to believe him. And he had to believe him. Trust was important. David hadn’t done anything that would have otherwise indicated he wanted Jake back. It was believable that he was upset his friend broke a promise and lied about it as opposed to wanting his ex back.

“But,” Patrick finally said.

“Mhm.”

“Given that we only have the apartment for one night, maybe it’s best if we lock that box back up for now?” he suggested. They wanted to be alone and allowing ghosts of David’s dating past in was the antithesis to that.

“I think that’s a good idea,” David nodded, leaning in to kiss Patrick. It was a relief to feel David’s lips against his.

“You know what? We didn’t even get into your history—” David interjected.

“Lock it up, David. Lock it up.”

“Oh, okay,” he grinned as Patrick kissed him. Patrick curled his fingers around David’s head, holding him close. The position was a little uncomfortable, but they were right next to a bed…

Patrick slowly leaned them back as they kissed, laying David down on his back onto the soft mattress. They shifted to get further on the bed. Patrick straddled one of David’s thighs, mirroring the position they were in at the store earlier before they were so rudely interrupted.

His heart was beating faster. He knew they weren’t going to go all the way (‘all the way’ – what was he, 16 years old?), but he had David underneath him, who was beaming with a radiant smile. His hands edged beneath Patrick’s sweater and he was seemingly waiting for Patrick to make the first move.

“Did you want to pick up where we left off earlier?” he asked David, his voice thick and husky.

“Please,” David whispered.

Patrick experimentally rolled his hips like David did earlier, pressing his hardening erection into David’s thigh while simultaneously applying the same pressure to David with his own. David gasped, his hands sliding completely under Patrick’s sweater to press hotly against his skin. Patrick watched David with each slow roll of his hips, each hitch in his breath was intoxicating.

He leaned down and caught David in a searing kiss that made his heart skip a beat. He threaded his fingers through David’s thick hair which encouraged David to move with Patrick. His skin prickled from excitement, showing this beautiful and wonderful man just how much he wanted him and feeling that want in return.

“If we’re picking up where we left off,” David murmured hotly against Patrick’s lips, “does that mean I can finish giving you a hickey?”

“Only if I can give you one as well,” Patrick replied.

“Please,” he whined, punctuating the affirmation with a particularly hard thrust of his hips, giving Patrick a clear indication of how excited that made him. Patrick kissed his way across David’s cheek, down his neck, tilting his head back by his hair, and started a bruising kiss on David’s collarbone. David gasped, rutting his hips harder against Patrick’s thigh.

* * *

In the morning, Patrick checked himself in Stevie’s bathroom mirror as he dressed for the day. David had given him an impressive three hickeys, all able to be hidden by his button-down shirts. He pressed one of them, feeling the bright pain spike beneath his fingertips.

David appeared behind him, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s torso, his warm palms against his stomach. He hooked his chin over Patrick’s shoulder, admiring his work.

“Are those hickeys appropriate for work, or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Let me know if y'all want the explicit stuff put in this fic or posted separately.


	8. teenagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick hates teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, everyone! I got weirdly busy this week and this was the chapter that wouldn't end. My plan was to at least get this chapter up before I saw this week's episode and I accomplished that. Hooray!
> 
> Set during S04E03 "Asbestos Fest"

Teenagers were the _worst_.

All Patrick wanted was to run his store, make out with his business partner, and as of two hours ago, tutoring his business partner’s sister in business.

But he couldn’t do any of that because he had to deal with _teenagers_.

For the last week, a small horde of teen boys had decided to loiter outside the store. Their sales had noticeably dipped since they showed up and for a fledgling store, it was crippling. If they continued to be there for any longer, they’d have to start making cuts in the budget.

Why couldn’t Patrick just oust them from the stoop?

David.

One of the boys had taken to complimenting David every time they saw him, and it made him blush and stumble over his words. As if the frustration he felt toward the teenagers wasn’t enough, he was starting to get _jealous_ that David was falling prey to their compliments. Teenagers! He was jealous of teenagers! Sure, he didn’t compliment everything in David’s wardrobe since 90% of the time he didn’t understand David’s fashion choice. Couldn’t wanting who was under the clothes be flattering enough?

So while business was down and David was finding ego boosts elsewhere, Alexis asking him for homework help was a downright relief. It was nice chatting with someone who was genuinely interested in his expertise. Not that David wasn’t, but he was more interested in Patrick for other reasons. (And Patrick was not complaining about _that_.)

“Can you go over that again?” Alexis asked. She was perched up on the counter with her notebook in her lap. It was kind of amazing to see her transforming from a woman who comfortable stealing product from her brother to one who was inquiring about ROIs.

“Of course,” Patrick said warmly as he finished counting out the cash drawer. “Let’s say we have a $20 product that costs us $10 to make. Our profit percentage – profit divided by cost – would be 100% since we’re making back all the money we spent on making the product, but nothing else.”

“But that’s a bad return on investment since we’d make no profit,” Alexis said.

“Right.”

“And to increase our return on investment, we’d want to lower our production costs...”

The bell chimed and in walked David who was looking rather bashful after having to walk through his little fan club out front.

“And we mark up the retail price.”

“Okay.”

“What are you doing here?” David asked cattily to his sister.

“Um, Patrick has offered to help me with this school assignment,” she explained. “I told you that, David.”

David came around the counter to Patrick.

“Hi,” he said softly, touching Patrick’s shoulder and giving him a kiss hello, before turning to Alexis and saying, “You did not tell me that.”

“Hey, how are your friends doing outside?” Patrick asked David sarcastically. He had asked David yesterday to say something to them when he came in today, but clearly that did not happen.

“They’re harmless, thanks,” David replied.

“Are they? Cool.” Patrick had resorted to passive-aggressive comments since asking politely wasn’t working.

David disappeared into the back room to drop off his bag.

“Um, we’re actually in the middle of something,” Alexis called. “So if you wouldn’t mind—”

“I would mind,” David responded as he emerged from the back with a spray bottle in hand. He then went to work spritzing their succulents for sale.

“Okay,” she said, ignoring him. She tapped Patrick on the arm. “So. Profit Margins.”

“Mhm.”

Was David seriously not going to take the hint and do anything?

“How do you get more of those?”

As much as Patrick was willing to help Alexis on her homework, this was certainly more pressing.

“You could start by telling the group of teens that hang outside your store every afternoon to leave because they’re scaring off actual customers,” Patrick answered pointedly, staring right at David. Literally no one liked teenagers, including teenagers themselves. Teenagers were one of the worst pests there were, right after rats and cochroaches.

“Mkay,” David said. “They’re not ‘scaring off’ customers. There was one that looked meth-y, and I don’t know where he went.” He was apparently not seeing the uncomfortable expressions on people’s faces upon seeing the teens. And sure, the meth-y one was particularly heinous, but the other four weren’t much better!

“See, your brother doesn’t want to tell them off,” Patrick explained to Alexis. “Which is – and you can write this down – a _financial_ _liability_.”

“…liability,” she said, writing it down.

“Incorrect!” David retorted. “The fact that we have youths minding their own business in front of our store builds – and you can write this down—”

“No,” Alexis said curtly.

“—street cred,” he finished. Where was this ‘street cred’? There were about four major streets in Schitt’s Creek and they weren’t the type you’d need ‘cred’ for. The last thing they wanted was attracting more teenagers.

“’Kay, are they actually buying anything?” Alexis asked. Patrick was so glad he had back-up for this. David was a big personality to handle sometimes, especially when he got into these types of ruts. Having someone who could get under his skin much faster was a godsend.

“Yes! They’re coming in, and they’re buying gum.”

“And what else are they doing, David?” Patrick asked. They both knew exactly what they were doing but he needed David to say it aloud and admit it.

“They’re coming in, they’re looking around, and they’re buying gum,” David repeated, then quietly added, “…and maybe complimenting my outfits.”

“There it is!” Patrick exclaimed smugly, slapping his hand down on the counter.

“There what is?!” David said defensively. “I’m sorry that you connect with the more mature clientele, whereas I vibe with a much younger crowd.”

“Oh,” he replied. He didn’t care what kind of mud David was going to try to throw back at him because he got David to fully admit he was basking in the attention of four 16 year olds.

Speak of the devil.

The doorbell jingled and in walked the four scummy teenagers much to Patrick’s chagrin. While three of them immediately went to start looking around without buying anything, the one with the red shirt stopped.

“Nice sweater, bro,” Red Shirt said to David who immediately got _very_ flustered.

“Um, god, this is so old, and I can’t even remember where I got—” David rambled before turning to Patrick and Alexis. “Do you guys remember – sorry – where I got this sweater?” By the time David finished his question, Red Shirt had left to join his friends in the back of the store.

“What just happened to you?” Patrick asked him. How could this strong, bold, brash man Patrick adored so much just melt into a pile of goo when a _teenager complimented him?_

“Huh?”

“Breathe it out,” Alexis suggested jokingly to David.

“Hey, man, do you have this in a larger size?” one of the teens asked as he held up a knitted hoodie.

“What size is that?” Patrick asked.

“Medium?”

“Let me check.” He gave David an annoyed glance as he ducked into the back. He knew they had a limited supply and folks in Schitt’s Creek tended to run larger, but maybe he still had one or two larges available.

“Hey bro, your cuticle game is tight,” he could hear one of the teens say.

“Oh, um, wow, I’m so glad you noticed,” David replied. “I use this hand cream and a little bit of exfoliant then a different hand cream…” Patrick rolled his eyes. It was as if David was making up for the lack of attention he received from boys while he was in high school. The only difference is that now it was _so desperately weird_.

Should he be complimenting David more? Is that something he wanted and didn’t say anything? That seemed incorrect, given that David never had a problem telling Patrick what he was thinking, but perhaps this was different. Did he need more external validation than what Patrick was giving him?

…was he seriously getting jealous from teenage boys?! This was getting absurd.

Patrick heard Alexis jump down off the counter to allow Red Shirt to buy _another_ pack of gum.

What was taking David so long to ring them up? …was he gift-wrapping the gum? He had to be kidding.

“Thanks, bro,” David said, perhaps the most awkward thing Patrick had ever heard come out of his mouth. “Come back again soon, guys.” Patrick came back into the main room just as they were finally leaving. Thank God.

But Patrick was _very_ frustrated with David.

“Great sale, bro,” he said sardonically. “Four teens, one pack of gum – which you gift-wrapped. Hey, why don’t we just close the store up and celebrate for the rest of the day?” David gently laid his hands on Patrick’s shoulder.

“I’ll have you know, it was one pack of gum _and_ one lip balm,” he corrected him.

“Oh.” He was not impressed in the slightest.

“Well that’ll make up for all the stuff they’ve been stealing,” Alexis said nonchalantly.

Patrick’s stomach dropped.

“I’m sorry?” David asked.

“What do you mean, stealing?”

They were _stealing?_

“Those kids are 100% stealing from you,” she reiterated.

“I don’t think so,” David refuted.

“’Kay,” she began. “They split up into four different directions. One takes the back left corner, one takes the right. One of them asks you—” She looked at Patrick. “—if you have those wool hoodies in a different size, while the last one compliments you—” She looked to David. “—on your cuticle game. And while you’re lapping all that up, the two in the back corner are filling their backpacks full of facial cleanser. It’s the exact same move I used with my klepto friends in the Hamptons.”

Patrick felt sick.

“I-I feel like I would’ve seen that,” he said shakily.

“Yeah, maybe that’s what you and your burn-out friends did at the Miss 60’s store,” David argued. “But that’s not what’s happening here.”

“Mmkay. Why don’t you go check then?” She was unnervingly confident.

Patrick bolted out from behind the counter to the back table of product, David following right behind. Sure as day, the table was empty.

“Can’t tell if there’s product missing or if we just haven’t replenished,” Patrick said uneasily. He swallowed the fear and said, “I feel like, if someone were robbing our store, we would know about it.”

“Uh, yeah, we would know,” David agreed.

Patrick knew business. He knew how to handle business and account for this. He’d always caught the perpetrator red-handed when they’d been stealing product. It was always super obvious when there were thieves lurking about.

How could they have been so blind? Apparently, it was easy. The green jacket kid would ask him about the sweater to get him out of the room, and the red shirt kid…

“Though this would explain the compliments,” he said, turning to David.

The jealousy he felt earlier was being replaced by self-righteousness which was _still utterly ridiculous._

“That’s…” David glanced down at his outfit.

“What?” Patrick was okay that David’s ego was going to take the hit if it meant he was the only one allowed to get him flustered. (Once again: teenagers!)

“Give it an hour. They’ll be back,” Alexis explained. “They only took the toner and the cleanser, and if they’re not selling it on the black market, they’ll need to come back and get the moisturizer or their T-zones are going to be like, super effed.” She smiled and shrugged before grabbing her homework from under the counter and getting herself settled sitting on the counter again. “So, Patrick. Profit margins.”

Patrick and David were both stunned. He had never felt so violated. Just when he thought he didn’t have anything else to learn…

“Can we pick up in just a minute, Alexis?” he asked as he walked to the back room.

“Sure, no problem,” she said cheerfully, the theft clearly having no effect on her.

Patrick quickly excused himself through the rear doorway to the back room. He needed to breathe.

He was so foolish to even consider for a moment that those teenagers’ intentions were pure when they came in here. He was a teenager once, and while he never shoplifted, he did grow up in a small town and underage drinking was one of the only things a 16-year-old could do. There weren’t many thrills for them in Schitt’s Creek so Patrick, on one level, understood the desire to shoplift.

Yet he had asked David repeatedly to get them to leave. Not only had they lost business from paying customers being driven away, but they lost the profit from the stolen product. He should have been more domineering and just shooed them away without David’s consent and been fine with David being mad at him for a little. They wouldn’t be in this situation and he wouldn’t feel so sick—

“Hey,” David said softly as he touched his shoulder. Patrick stopped. He hadn’t realized he’d been pacing.

“Hey.”

“So that was pretty humiliating,” David said as he ran his hands down Patrick’s back to his waist. “Especially to be told that by a girl who just got her high school diploma like, 5 weeks ago.”

“Salt in the wound, David.”

“Yeah.” David drew him in a little closer. He took a breath before continuing, “I should have told them off when you asked me the first time.” Patrick raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Thank you.”

“And now that I think about it, accepting compliments from teenagers is a little creepy,” he said with a chuckle.

“A little bit,” he laughed as well. Patrick paused. “Do you want more compliments like that? About what you’re wearing? Because I can—”

“Oh, no,” David interrupted. “No, no, no. You don’t have to. While you’re smart and wonderful and great at business, I’d know you would have no idea what you’re talking about.” Now Patrick really laughed.

“You’re right about that.”

David gently kissed him, a sweet and reassuring kiss that finally let Patrick exhale.

Just then, Alexis burst into the back room, yelling, “David! Stop making out with Patrick! You have a customer!”

“We weren’t making out!” David shouted back. He gave Patrick one last peck before disappearing through the doorway.

Patrick took another minute alone to shake out his arms and get the gross feeling of being robbed out of his system. They were gonna get the little shits who stole from them… in an hour. A very, very long hour.

* * *

 

Thankfully, they had a handful of customers after the thieves were there which made the time pass a little quicker. It should have made Patrick happy to sell one of the expensive wooden chests, but all he could think about was what other products they could have hidden in there. (He made sure to open it and check before they left.)

It was nearing one hour later – when Alexis said they’d be back – and the three of them were clustered in front of the counter, waiting.

“Are you sure they’re coming back?” David asked after a long stretch of silence.

Then, as if the question itself summoned them, the four awful no-good teenagers came around the corner.

“Like clockwork, David,” Alexis said smugly.

The boys came in the store and Alexis gestured for them to split up in the pattern they discussed. Patrick headed to the back while Alexis and David stayed near the register.

“Hey, can I help you guys with anything, or…?” Alexis asked casually.

“No, we’re just looking,” the one who always complimented David said, as he lingered near the front. The other boys had immediately rushed the store, going to their planned positions. One of the boys brushed past Alexis who, through some impressive slight of hand, picked the wallet off Sweater Kid.

“Okay cool, cool. Yeah, yeah. Look around. You do you,” she said, watching them disperse.

“Uh, hey, do you have this in a larger size, maybe?”

It really was a pattern. How did they miss this?

“I don’t know,” Patrick replied blandly. “I’d have to go all the way in the back to check.”

He turned to go to the back room, making brief eye contact with David. He couldn’t believe Alexis was so spot on because within seconds of him disappearing to the back, he could hear the Complimenter say to David, “Hey man! I like your shoes. Where’d you get them?”

“Oh!” David exclaimed. “These? I got these at a boutique in Prague that’s only open on Sunday nights.” He wasn’t at all flustered like he was before they figured it out. (Good.)

Patrick came back out from the back room and stood behind the counter, watching the scene in front of him unfold.

“Cool,” Complimenter replied.

“Is it?” David asked critically.

“Hey, I think we’re gonna head,” Sweater Kid said, gesturing toward the door.

“Oh! Um, wait, wait,” Alexis said, stopping them from leaving. “You forgot something.”

Like some magical ability, she produced Sweater Kid’s wallet from her pocket, dangling it between her fingers. The panic that set into the four boys was glorious.

“What?! Please don’t do anything crazy,” Sweater Kid pled. “It took me so long to make that.”

“I’ll be happy to give it back when you and your skidmark friends give back all of the product that you’ve stolen,” Alexis smiled. She was clearly getting far too much joy out of torturing them. “And if I’m being honest, someone with your combination skin should really be using a product with tea tree oil in it.”

The guilty looks on all their faces was a pure Kodak moment. David walked right up to them, hands out, and simply said, “Hand it over.”

They unloaded their pockets, handing David all sorts of moisturizers and cleansers. It wasn’t all of it, but it was everything they’d stolen that day. He wasn’t sure if they’d see the rest of the products, but this was a good start.

“I thought she was too cool to work here,” Sweater Kid muttered as he placed another container of eye cream in David’s hand.

“I don’t work here and I’m really cool,” Alexis corrected him. “So, don’t do it again and I won’t call the po-po.” She smugly shrugged her shoulder at the boys who looked at oddly.

“Did she just say ‘po-po’?” Complimenter asked.

“Okay, okay! I think we’re done here,” she replied as she shooed them toward the door.

“I just have one more question,” David chimed in. Patrick took a deep breath. “All those compliments and fist pumps—”

“Bumps.”

“Shut up,” he said coldly. “Was that just part of the big scheme?”

Oh, David.

“No, you have cool style,” Complimenter said half-heartedly.

“I like your shoes,” Sweater Kid added.

“They’re lying to you, David,” Alexis muttered to him. “They’re lying, they’re lying.”

“Okay, get out,” David demanded.

The teens immediately filed out the door and the tension in the store released. Patrick exhaled, glad he’d never have to deal with those terrors again. David shivered, shaking out his arms. Alexis, meanwhile, cockily flipped her hair in David’s face, then in Patrick’s face?

“What? Why me?” Patrick asked Alexis.

“I just feel real gross,” David said.

“Why did I get one?” he asked again as she disappeared to the back room. He was on board with kicking out the teenagers from the very beginning. She didn’t prove anything to him, just confirm that teenagers are terrible and should never be allowed anywhere ever.

“Well, as I’ve done my good deed for the day,” Alexis said while she stuffed her homework in her bag. “I’m going to head out. Have to prepare for the festival tonight.”

“It’s 3 o’clock,” David remarked bluntly.

“Yes, David, and I have a lot to do between now and then.”

“Like what?”

“Thank you for the help, Patrick,” she said, completely ignoring David. “We’ll talk price margins tomorrow?”

“Sure,” he replied.

With that, she disappeared out the front door.

Silence hung between David and Patrick as they stood side by side in front of the counter.

“So, no more teenagers in the store?” Patrick asked.

“I literally never want to see another teenager again.”

* * *

 

The annual Asbestos Fest was that evening. It was essentially a glorified pageant/talent show, but any sort of live entertainment was a rarity in Schitt’s Creek, save for tonight.

Originally, Patrick and David were going together. After closing early, Patrick was going to pick David up at the motel and they were going to treat it like a date of sorts, despite David’s family and the whole town being there. He was excited to hold David’s hand during the show, or put a hand on his knee. Sure, they were little things, but Patrick had never done those things before and he wanted to do them now.

Around 7 o’clock, David texted him saying he was performing with his mother and that he didn’t need a ride. That text was quickly followed by another asking him to not think differently of him after tonight. Patrick wasn’t sure how that was possible. His life was work and David, two things that made him so incredibly happy. There was no way any talent show would ruin his opinion of David.

Patrick’s phone buzzed with a text from Alexis. She was saving him a seat near the front.

He arrived at town hall just as the children’s choir finished singing. After putting on his blazer, he carefully opened the door and saw Jocelyn Schitt onstage in front of a silvery streamer backdrop. He hadn’t missed it.

“…because she certainly surprised me when she told me just moments ago that she has switched her entire act,” Jocelyn explained. “Even though somebody put down a really hefty deposit on a wall of mirrors.” She let out a pained laugh.

Patrick managed to find Alexis before Jocelyn was finished. She moved her purse to let him sit to her left and her father sitting on the right. It was kind of nice to be sitting with Alexis and Johnny. He felt like part of the family.

“Okay, anyways, without further ado: the main event.” Jocelyn left the stage and passed David the mic as he emerged from the rear door and oh my god what did he do to his hair?

“Oh, thank you so much,” David said to Jocelyn.

“Is this The Number? It’s the middle of summer,” he heard Alexis whisper to Johnny. What was The Number?

“Brr! It’s awfully cold out there,” David said stiffly. Patrick was surprised to see that David was not that great of an actor. Alexis leaned over to him.

“They used to do this act every year at our Christmas party,” she whispered. “And you can’t unsee something like this.” Patrick chuckled. It couldn’t be that bad.

There was a knock on the door, and David said, “Oh, hello. I wonder who that could be?”

Moira entered with gusto – as if there were any other way for her to enter.

“It’s television’s Moira Rose!” David exclaimed.

“That’s television’s Mom to you!” she replied cheekily. David let out the fakest laugh Patrick had ever heard and it was deeply unsettling. “You know, nothing’s colder than the chill I get when I think of the dangers of asbestos poisoning.”

Alexis lightly smacked Patrick on the arm. She was obviously very excited to see what Patrick thought. And already he had a lot of them.

“Luckily, a little birdie told me that with enough funds raised,” Moira continued, “this town could be asbestos-free by…” She paused, unsure how to finish.

“...Christmas!” David supplied.

The chords to an out-of-tune rendition of “Jingle Bells” began and David and Moira began singing.

Patrick shifted in his seat.

This was… not great.

There were so many pieces to this that were bad: David’s hair, both of their costumes, David’s acting, Moira’s overacting, the untuned piano, the singing, the dancing… all of it. In any other situation, Patrick would have happily left his seat and conveniently been in the bathroom for the whole performance. But this was David, the man whom he deeply cared about, doing this for his mother. It was more about supporting David as he supported his mother. Patrick just hoped he didn’t ask what he thought of the performance.

They were singing ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’ when David spoke the line, “Yes, I said faithful. Which rules out all of you.” He gestured to the entire audience, and okay, that was pretty funny. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.

* * *

 

30 minutes later, David and Moira finally took their bows. There was uproarious applause, which was certainly out of gratitude that it was finally over. Alexis whooped next to him, which earned her a glare from David. Patrick copied her and he got the same look. Oh, David wasn’t going to live this down.

Jocelyn quickly got onstage and grabbed the microphone from David.

“Thank you everyone for coming,” she said desperately. “Potluck is right over here. We have some lasagna that Ronnie made that may or may not be still warm, so we’ve rolled out the microwave if you need it. Don’t forget to buy items from the bake sale to support making Schitt’s Creek asbestos-free!”

The audience shifted to the long tables of homemade dishes, but Patrick and the Rose family lingered behind.

“That was a stunning performance, you two,” Johnny said warmly. “Moira, it was a tour-de-force performance as usual.”

“Thank you, John,” she said. “My scene partner was a little rusty and flat, but he was great in a pinch.”

“Thanks,” David said sarcastically.

“Now if you excuse me, I must greet my fans,” Moira said before drifting over to the crowd of folks stuffing their faces. Johnny followed her.

“Best one yet,” Alexis said with the most shit-eating grin.

“Kill yourself,” David shot back bitterly. Patrick put his hand on David’s waist.

“It was wonderful, David,” Patrick interjected.

Alexis looked between them and silently excused herself to join the crowd.

“What was your favorite part?” David asked with a challenging smirk. Patrick laughed.

“Why do you have to do this to me?”

“Because I want to know.”

Patrick took David’s hands in his.

“My favorite part was that you supported your mother in what was clearly a time of need,” he said honestly. He leaned forward and gave David a quick kiss. “Honestly.”

“Mm.” His eyes sparkled with contained laughter. “So you didn’t have an actual favorite part?”

“We should get over there before all the food is gone,” Patrick said jokingly ignoring David’s question. He laced their fingers together and led a smiling David to the potluck.


	9. compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevie and Patrick teach David a lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right down to the wire! I haven't seen this week's episode yet, but here's last week's. Once again, took some liberties to write some filler scenes that I hope you'll like. 
> 
> Boyfriend!!!!
> 
> Set during S04E04 "Girls' Night". The Haribo review is real and thank you to flynnieg on tumblr for helping me confirm Patrick's first line!!
> 
> Enjoy!

It was morning, and Patrick was leaving the Café Tropical with his daily coffee when he saw there was a large cardboard box sitting on their front stoop, neatly tied with twine.

“Oh, _fantastic_ ,” Patrick said to himself as he approached the store. He crouched down to check the return address. Yup, this was the shipment he was impatiently waiting for.

“Whatcha got there?” a familiar voice said behind him.

“Oh, hey Stevie,” he said, smiling at her. “New product for the store. I saw them when I was at the lavender festival in Elmdale. Can you hold this?” Stevie took his coffee cup, so he could unlock the store and bring the box inside.

“What are you doing over here? No one at the motel?” Patrick set the box on the counter and, with his trusty box-cutter, made quick work opening the shipment.

“Roland started working there, so Johnny said I could take the day and he’d train him,” she explained. “You know, ‘man to man’.” Stevie set his coffee on the counter and reached into the box, pulling out a small tin. “Are these breath mints?”

“ _Lavender_ breath mints.”

He unpacked a handful of the breath mints and hid the large box behind the curtain.

“I didn’t know lavender could give you fresh breath.”

“Well, it might not,” Patrick admitted as he shifted the lip balms across the counter to put the mints in front of the register. “But it was either these or the lavender gummy bears, which even the creator said had a sugar-free Haribo effect.”

“What’s a ‘sugar-free Haribo effect’?” Stevie asked.

“ _What?!_ ” he exclaimed. “Of all people, I would’ve expected you to know about this. Okay, I have to show this to you. Can you stack these in front of the cash so I can pull this up?” He pulled out his phone and immediately went to Amazon reviews. Stevie watched him curiously as she moved the small tins.

“Okay, okay,” Patrick said, trying not to laugh as he scrolled through the pages of comments. “So Haribo makes these sugar-free gummy bears that people have reported are the worst laxatives they’ve ever accidentally had.”

“What?! How have I not heard about this?!”

“Lemme pull up a good one for you…”

He spent the next 20 minutes reading the insane reviews on Amazon aloud to Stevie. The last time he saw her laugh this hard it was when she showed him the video of Alexis teaching David how to ride a bike.

“‘When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live,” Patrick read, choking back laughter.

“These are all so weirdly poetic for something that destroys your butthole,” Stevie said through her tears.

“Hold on, they’re not done.”

“Oh no!”

“‘After three hours of pelvis-shaking misery, I was spongy, weak, and amazed that I had any bones left,’” he barely managed to get out. “‘I cursed those bears with the little strength I could muster.’” They both burst out laughing again.

Just then, David strolled into the store, looking very glamorous with his large white sunglasses.

“Hi,” he said suspiciously as he approached the counter where Patrick and Stevie were congregated. “We’re all just hanging out before work. Was there a text chain that I wasn’t on, or…?”

“Well, it’s not exactly before work if the store opened about 25 minutes ago, so…” Patrick quipped in return.

“But yes, there is a text chain, and no, you’re not on it,” Stevie added.

“You’re kind,” David said to her dismissively, then turned immediately to Patrick. “I noticed we moved the lip balms.”

“Yeah, because we got these new breath mints and I wanted to give them a fighting chance by putting them up near the cash,” he explained. It was a very common retail psychology move: put inexpensive items that people absently think to themselves they need right before they make their purchase. If you put something new there, it catches the customer’s eye more than the usual product.

“Huh.”

“Uh-oh,” Stevie said as David reached across her and grabbed some mints.

“What is—is something wrong?” Patrick asked. They had been over this a few times and he thought David understood.

“No,” David said curtly. “They’re just new mints that haven’t been sampled yet. So for all we know they could be poison. And we’re moving the lip balms – the best-sellers – all the way in the corner here.” He gestured to his beloved lip balms that were now relegated to the other side of the counter.

“Okay, well, I don’t think the mints are poison,” Patrick said as he watched David pop one in his mouth.

“They are very delicious,” he admitted before getting back on his soapbox. “Point is, these are a staple of the store. They’re at the cash. People come to the cash, expecting the lip balm.”

“Mhm.”

“I just wish I would have been consulted before they were moved,” David said chidingly.

Patrick couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“David, you move things without consulting me all the time!” he argued. “Like the brooms!”

They had received these beautiful hand-crafted brooms from a couple up the road, so Patrick put them near the front to let customers know they had these brooms available. But the same day they received them, David moved all of the brooms to the back while Patrick was out grabbing their lunch. The decision was rash and irritating, but Patrick knew better than to push it.

“Yeah, well, they were fugly brooms with big red handles!” David said. “They didn’t match our sand and stone color palette.” …which was the dumbest excuse David could give. They needed to sell things, not make an art exhibit.

“Well, this is clearly a high stakes situation, so maybe you want to close the store down and figure it out,” Stevie said wryly, earning a look from David. At least Patrick had Stevie on his side. Over the year, they had really bonded over getting under David’s skin.

“You know David,” Patrick said calmly, “one of the fundamental pillars of any successful business person is their ability to compromise.” He took a long sip of his coffee as if to punctuate his point.

“Mm, I have to agree with Patrick on this one,” Stevie said.

“I don’t think there’s anything you have to do,” David shot back at Stevie, then said, “And I compromise all the time.”

Patrick and Stevie both burst out laughing. David? _Compromise?_ They both knew him way better than to believe in that lie.

“What?!”

“Nothing! I just, um, was remembering all those times you compromised,” Stevie said through her laughter.

“I was just thinking about the same things,” Patrick agreed, “because there are just so many to flip through—"

“Okay!” David cut him off, pointing a finger directly in Patrick’s face. “Last week, I let you pick the movie we watched.”

Oh no. Not this again.

“You made me pick between _two_ Sandra Bullock vehicles,” Patrick pointed out. It’s not that Patrick had anything against Sandra Bullock. It was that there were literally thousands of other movies he would have rather watched.

“And you picked _The Lakehouse_ , which was the correct choice.” And since it was a film David had already seen and Patrick had no interest in seeing, he thought it was more of a Netflix-and-Chill situation. Instead, David watched intently and scolded him any time he wasn’t actually paying attention to the film.

“Just so that you know, making someone choose between two things that you like is not exactly a compromise.”

Patrick kept stealing glances at Stevie who, while extremely amused by the conversation at hand, was very clearly on his team.

“I am fine with compromise!” David said defensively. “It’s just this situation that’s bothering me. So why don’t we just put everything back exactly as it was and start again.”

“So in that case, I know that you were planning to go pick up the tote bags later this afternoon even though I asked you to do that two days ago,” Patrick said. “So maybe in the interest of compromise, you can go and do that now.” One could smell the passive-aggressiveness from a mile away.

“Fine,” David said, putting on his sunglasses. “Stevie, would you care to join me?”

“No.”

“Fair enough.” David made his way over to the door. “So you guys are gonna stay behind and talk about me after I’ve left. Swap stories about how I don’t compromise.”

Patrick and Stevie looked at each other.

“Yeah, mhm.”

“Yup, pretty much.”

David was definitely glaring at them from behind his sunglasses as he exited the store.

“ _Wow_ ,” Patrick said in disbelief. “He honestly thinks he compromises on everything.”

“It’s remarkable,” Stevie agreed, then asked, “What was the other Sandy Bullock movie?”

“ _Two Weeks Notice_.” Stevie sucked in a breath.

“That is a no-win scenario,” she said.

Patrick looked around the store, mentally checking all the things he’d had to give in to David even though business-wise it wasn’t the best move. It was a long list. Stevie leaned against the opposing table facing Patrick.

“Do you want to do something about it?” Stevie asked, a wicked smile on her lips. “You know, since David is fine with compromise?”

Patrick smiled. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Absolutely,” he said.

Stevie started walking around the store, appraising the wares. Patrick walked out from behind the counter to join her.

“We have to find something that would drive David nuts,” she said as she picked up an odd-looking candleholder.

“But it’s also gotta be something that he can’t necessarily refute is a good idea,” Patrick said, glancing in the baskets on the wall. They had so many products that David had hand-picked himself that weren’t necessarily the best for a general store, but they did carry some basic items residents would ask for.

Patrick stepped back to think. This was a lot harder than he imagined. Did he want to move the brooms? They didn’t have a great price margin, so it wouldn’t be the best option. His eyes trailed toward the back room when the idea hit him. He quickly entered the back room and saw them.

Plungers.

He took three in each hand and brought them out into the main room. Stevie craned to see what Patrick was carrying.

“What do you have there—Oh my god,” she laughed.

“People are always asking for more basic items and the plungers were deemed ‘unsightly’, despite their demand and practicality,” Patrick explained as he set them up right in front next to the vegetable boxes. “They immediately got put in the back room and we haven’t sold one despite getting them a month ago.”

“I was gonna say I’ve never seen these before, even though they fit in the sand-and-stone aesthetic,” she said, examining one. “These are pretty nice. The motel needs a new one.”

“You can take one on the way out, my treat.”

“Awesome.” She took in the sight of the plungers right in the middle of all the fancy products. “Your boyfriend is going to have a conniption.”

Patrick sighed as a delicate mix of patience and sadness crept in.

“We actually haven’t defined the relationship yet,” he said, his voice distant.

“Oh! Oh, I’m so sorry for saying that,” Stevie apologized quickly. “I just assumed that given how attached at the hip you were that you…”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know,” he said. “I told him I wanted to take things slow so we’re taking things slow, including that conversation.” He was having a hard time making eye contact with Stevie.

A customer entered the store, so Patrick headed back to the register. Stevie casually followed.

“It sounds like someone wants to have the conversation sooner rather than later,” she said as she fiddled with the lip balms. Patrick let out a small chuckle.

“Yes, but I’m kind of taking cues from David—”

“You should never do that,” Stevie said, shaking her head. He laughed again.

“Heard,” he said. “I just don’t know how he feels about it. He’s got a history and I don’t. He might not want to do that, and I don’t want to pressure him with anything like that.”

“Yes, but what do _you_ what?”

Patrick felt heat rise to his cheeks.

“I would love it,” he said quietly.

“Sounds like there’s a conversation that has to happen.” The customer came up to the register to pay and Stevie drifted over to peruse the products.

Stevie was right. He needed to talk to David about it. It was something he wanted. He wanted to claim David as his boyfriend – and wow, he got giddy thinking about it. His _boyfriend._ But what if during the conversation, David said he didn’t do boyfriends anymore? Like, he had casually seen both Stevie and Jake and never used that level of word with them, so maybe he was over the word and didn’t want to put labels on relationships anymore? Maybe he found the word ‘boyfriend’ childish?

Any way he sliced it, Patrick still longed to call David his boyfriend, even if David was against it.

He handed the customer his receipt and as he exited the store, David reappeared with the bags.

And immediately spotted the plungers.

Patrick quickly glanced at Stevie who looked more than excited for this to play out. She struggled to hide a smile, but Patrick needed to make a point. He put on his best poker face and waited for David’s reaction. 

“Hi,” David said to Patrick with an irritated grin. He set the box down on the counter and went straight for the plungers. Patrick circled around the counter to lean against the front. There was no way he was missing any of this. David picked up one of the plungers gingerly between two fingers as if it were already used.

“I notice one of our more discreet back room items is now in the front of the store,” David said, still wearing an uncomfortable smile. “That would have nothing to do with the conversation we just had before we left, would it?”

"Well, people have been asking for plungers and you insist on keeping them hidden away in the back room because you find them offensive,” Patrick explained calmly. “So I thought given the demand for some more basic items, this could be a good opportunity for you to… make a compromise.”

“Okay, if assaulting customers with the sight of a toilet plunger the minute they walk in the door is something you consider to be an effective business strategy, then that is a compromise that I am willing to make,” David said, losing confidence with every word. His discomfort was entertaining and proving Patrick’s point.

“You sure?” he asked him.

David then stared into a middle-distance between Patrick and himself, his eyes going slightly crossed as if there was literally something short-circuiting in his brain.

“Look at his face,” Stevie finally remarked.

“Look at your face,” David snapped, then finally said to Patrick, “Yes, yes.”

“Okay, great. Then obviously you’ll have no problem if I get the toilet brushes out here too,” Patrick said as he watched David’s brain fizzle right before him.

“Is something wrong, David?” Stevie asked with fake concern.

After shaking his head silently for a moment, David then let out the tiniest “Nope.” He gave Patrick a smile as if to say he was totally fine with this, but Patrick knew better. He then quickly put the plunger back where he found it and casually wiped his hand on his pants.

“Stevie, can you grab the brushes?” Patrick asked her. “I think they’ll look perfect on this side of the vegetables. You know, to balance out the plungers.” He heard David inhale sharply beside him.

“Oh, of course,” Stevie said with a small smile, her eyes looking between Patrick and David, taking extreme delight in David’s discomfort. She turned on her heel and went to the back room to retrieve the toilet brushes.

Patrick grinned. He didn’t like having to teach David a lesson in compromise, but he was definitely going to have fun doing it. And the passive-aggressive tactics seemed to unnerve David more than anything else, so it was totally worth it.

David awkwardly came over to lean next to Patrick at the counter.

“Are those shoes new?” he choked out, gesturing uncomfortably to Patrick’s hiking boots. Patrick looked down.

“They’re not, actually,” Patrick explained calmly. “I needed to get my dress shoes cobbled, and these are comfortable and rugged, you know? A more relatable look than leather, don’t you think?”

Stevie emerged from the back with an armful of toilet brushes and placed them right where Patrick said.

David’s eyes darted between Patrick’s shoes and the toilet brushes, the two items only mere feet apart from each other. And without another word, David numbly walked around the counter and through the curtain to the back. As he did, Stevie doubled over in silent laughter and Patrick smiled wide.

“Oh my god, he’s dying,” she whispered through her laughter. “Oh, this is the greatest thing.”

* * *

The rest of the day was… interesting, to say the least. It was amazing how little David spoke when he couldn’t say what was bothering him.

Stevie took great joy in his displeasure. She would intentionally loudly ask customers in if they’d considered getting a new plunger or toilet brush. David would give her a bitter grin and occasionally mutter, “Die please.” Which would only prompt Stevie to ask him if there were any sales techniques he’d prefer her use. He wouldn’t answer, which would make her turn to Patrick with the same question who would then tell her she was doing great as if she were playing in a little league game.

It was driving David _nuts_.

By store close, David wasn’t speaking to either of them, which was fair. He had the two people who cared about him the most giving him the most shit. The only thing that could have possibly been worse was if Alexis showed up. David would have properly exploded.

“Anybody want a drink?” Patrick pulled out a bottle of bourbon he’d been keeping in the back along with two snifters from their tiny kitchenette.

“Absolutely!” Stevie said before turning to David who was silently straightening the candles. “What do you think, David? Doesn’t a drink sound great?”

“I’m good,” he replied, his voice cracking from nonuse.

“Excellent,” Patrick said as he poured the two glasses. Stevie nabbed the two chairs from the back and placed them right near the offensive plungers. She moved a small crate to put between them. David slid over the one from the front corner and sat down quietly.

Patrick walked over and handed Stevie her glass of bourbon before easing into the chair across from David. He propped his foot up on the crate between them and lounged back to make sure David could see his shoes.

He felt good – cocky, really. Their point seemed to have gotten through to David, who was positively miserable. Compromise was necessary to any good relationship – business or otherwise. And just telling David was not nearly as satisfying as proving it to him.

With his bourbon in one hand, Patrick fiddled with the handle of one of the plungers. He lifted it up in the air, the rubber high above his head.

“You know, I have to say, if we hadn’t put these babies out there, there’s a strong possibility we wouldn’t have sold two of ‘em today,” he said, now pointing the plunger at David who was giving him a very curious look.

“And a brush!” Stevie added, raising her glass.

“But at what cost, you know?” David asked, his discomfort evident.

“You know, the mark-up on the plungers is actually very good,” Patrick answered. Stevie made an interested sound. “Makes me think we should be taking more products from the back and actually just putting them… out here.”

David started rocking in his seat, nodding his head.

Here it was.

“Okay, no!” he said firmly as he jumped out of his seat to pace the floor. “No, no, no, no, no no no no. No.” He gestured at the plungers and finally took a stance in front of Patrick and Stevie. “Fine! I’m terrible at compromise! There, I said it!”

Stevie laughed, and Patrick had to smile. It was way too easy.

“Like Beyoncé,” David continued. “I excel as a solo artist and I was also dressed by my mother well into my teens, okay?!”

“Let it out, David! Let it out!” Stevie encouraged before taking a sip of bourbon. Oh, she was loving this so much.

“I’m sorry that I just know what looks correct. And this situation—” He gestured to the plungers. “—is not correct! Toilet plungers on display at the front of the store is incorrect! Breath mints—” He gestured toward the counter. “—where the lip balms should be: not correct!”

“Not correct,” Stevie whispered.

“These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing—”

Patrick’s breath caught in his throat and time seemed to stop. He couldn’t hear the rest of what David was saying, what with the words ‘my boyfriend’ ringing in Patrick’s ears.

His heart was soaring.

It was one thing to want David to call him that. It was something far more incredible to hear him say it aloud.

“—incorrect!”

 _Boyfriend_. David called him his _boyfriend_. David wanted him to officially be his _boyfriend_.

It tumbled out of his mouth so casually, as if it were something decided long ago. The word was so effortlessly sewn into David’s speech that it made Patrick dizzy to consider how long David has thought of him as his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” he asked. He wanted to hear him say it again. He needed to hear him say it again to make sure it was real.

David paused before responding breathlessly, “I said, the breath mints need to move.”

Patrick wasn’t hallucinating. David realized what he said and tried to push past it, but it was finally out there. It wasn’t a Freudian slip; it was how David thought of him and their relationship.

God, he didn’t even mean to say it! And he knew he wasn’t supposed to say it. In the middle of a lesson on compromise, David had essentially labeled their relationship without asking him. Patrick could not have been happier about a lack of compromise.

“I think it was something about your boyfriend’s shoes?” Patrick pried. Now _he_ was saying it and it made his stomach flutter.

“Um, I don’t remember saying that,” David deflected again. He was never one for overtly sentimental gestures – that was Patrick’s expertise – and he wasn’t going to admit to saying it especially with Stevie here.

“Yeah, no, that’s what I heard,” Stevie said, smiling.

“Well, hey, my boyfriend doesn’t like the shoes,” Patrick said to Stevie, then he looked to David who wouldn’t stop fidgeting. “I could, I could take the shoes off.” He bent down to tug at the laces of his boots.

“Or not,” David said. “I don’t remember saying… So, you can do whatever you’d like.”

Patrick watched David carefully as he floundered. Then he realized that David was trying to play it cool with Stevie there, but he was just as giddy as Patrick was.

Thankfully, Stevie knew how to read a room. She stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder.

“I think my work here is done,” she said to Patrick with an understanding smile. She grabbed her promised plunger as she walked between them.

“And what work is that, exactly?” David asked her.

Stevie slowly swung the plunger over her shoulder and exited the store, leaving Patrick alone with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend!

His eyes drifted back to David. The giddiness inside him was welling up.

“My boyfriend doesn’t like the shoes,” he said playfully, bending down to untie them further. “I’m going to take the shoes off.”

“Mmkay. Before you do that,” David said as he stepped over to Patrick. He gently lowered himself to sit on Patrick’s lap, curling his arm around his shoulders. “I just want to let you know that sock feet in a public place is also incorrect.”

Patrick couldn’t think straight when David was this close to him. He felt drunk, but he’d only had a couple sips of bourbon.

“We’ll do what we have to do,” he said as he leaned in to kiss David. He could feel David smiling against his lips. When they broke apart, David let out an uncharacteristic giggle which made Patrick break into a huge smile.

“Boyfriend, huh?” Patrick said. “I thought we were supposed to talk about that.”

“Um, we were, but as you demonstrated today, I’m terrible at compromise,” David said, smirking. He took the snifter out of Patrick’s hand and placed it on the table.

“Mhm, so terrible,” he echoed.

They stared at each other for a moment, taking in what just happened, what changed. David kept glancing down at Patrick’s lips which was more than enough for Patrick to lean in and kiss him again. It was soft and tender, the kind filled with so much more than words could convey. This was his _boyfriend_ , a word that had meaning and weight, and he wanted to show David how much he appreciated him and what he’d done. He was officially David Rose’s boyfriend, the person he wanted more than anyone else.

Then David let out a shuddering sigh and something _snapped_ in Patrick. He kissed him harder, pressing his hand against David’s lower back, causing him to arch and place his hand against Patrick’s cheek. Patrick grabbed at David’s thigh, drawing him closer, his fingers gripping firm muscle. David’s mouth opened and the kiss turned dirty.

He couldn’t get David close enough. The chair he was sitting in was too small for two grown men to be making out in.

“Stand up,” Patrick murmured hotly against David’s lips. David stood up without complaint, his lips never leaving Patrick’s, drawing him up with him. Patrick pulled him close, their bodies pressed together from thigh to chest. He could feel David’s growing erection against his own as he pushed David back against the table, slotting his leg between his. With his hands on David’s back, Patrick ground his erection into David’s thigh. David whined and dug his fingers into Patrick’s shoulders.

To his surprise, it was David who pulled back first.

“Patrick…” he said warmly.

And that’s when he remembered where they were, and he chuckled to himself.

In his right mind, Patrick knew the more they did this, the harder it was to go slow in their relationship. He wanted to take it easy because he knew when they finally did have sex, it was going to be beautiful and meaningful and loving and gentle. But any time David was under his fingertips – even with all their clothes on – all he wanted to do was to make David feel good. He wanted to impart any of the joy and happiness he felt for David into everything he gave him and he felt _so much_ that it was growing more difficult to draw the line and stop.

“Sorry,” he said, blushing.

“Oh, don’t apologize to me,” David said. “This, this is great. I’m very into this.” He slid his hands down to Patrick’s biceps. “But I’m getting to the point where we’re gonna either have to stop or change locations because as much as I want this—” He ever so slightly pressed his erection into Patrick’s thigh. “—I’m not that much of an exhibitionist.”

Patrick laughed. Though it was nighttime, the big windows at the front would provide a rather spectacular show for anyone watching, one that would probably completely change their clientele.

“That’s a good idea,” he agreed. He rested his forehead against David’s. He gave David a light peck on the lips.

“The word ‘boyfriend’ really got you going there,” David remarked cheekily.

“Hey now,” Patrick jokingly scolded him. “Don’t say that word unless you want me to kiss you again.”

“What a threat,” David said with a chuckle. “I can’t believe it’s only been 15 minutes and my boyfriend is already threatening me.” Patrick shook his head with a grin and stayed true to his ‘threat’ and kissed David again.

“Boyfriend,” David murmured. Another kiss.

“Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.” Kiss, kiss, kiss.

“I could do this all night,” Patrick warned. David tilted his head back in consideration before looking back at Patrick, his eyes sparkling with joy.

“I’m okay with that.”


	10. the best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David isn't so sure about the open mic night. Patrick sets out to prove him wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right under the wire! Here's this chapter which, let me tell you, was very intimidating to write. Like all of you, I had a lot of emotions during the episode and wanted to do it justice. I think I succeeded.
> 
> Also, the Word document where this fic lives is officially over 100 pages.
> 
> Set during season 4, episode 6 "Open Mic"
> 
> Lyrics belong to Tina Turner.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Having a boyfriend was _awesome_.

First: Patrick was able to officially change his phone contact for David to “Boyfriend” and a heart. Every time David called or texted him, his heart would skip upon seeing the word. And David called and texted him a _lot_. Their conversations were mostly mundane: decisions about the store, whatever ridiculous thing David’s family had just done, videos from Patrick’s CrossFit gym. (David had once said he joined a gym just to watch all the pretty people lift weights and Patrick saw this as an opening.)

Second: He was able to refer to David as his boyfriend and not just business partner when he would be talking to someone else. It was rare that someone didn’t know who David was, but sometimes he would just lead with it instead of David’s name, which would then force them to ask who his boyfriend was. During a meeting with a potential supplier, Patrick had slipped when discussing David and said boyfriend instead of business partner, and he was pretty certain that helped him seal the deal.

Third: He had a _boyfriend_. His 15-year-old self never dreamt that would happen. And it was someone he truly, madly, deeply cared about. He thought about David all the time already and having that label seemingly gave him permission to not feel a bit shameful about it, especially because he liked to imagine what a month, a year, ten years from now would look like with David. Sure, they had just defined the relationship, but he wanted to spend every minute with David.

Unfortunately, his excitement over finally having a boyfriend wasn’t enough to prevent him from focusing on their bottom line.

The business wasn’t suffering, per se, but it did need some help. Over the last week or so, their profits had dwindled to zero. It was really disheartening.

This morning Patrick found himself trying to find busywork, but when no one had touched any of the product in days, there wasn’t much else to do. He finally perched himself up on the counter and watched David pace the front of the store.

“I’m gonna say it,” Patrick said with a sigh. “We’ve been open for 3 hours now and not a single customer has walked through that door.” David stopped in front of him.

“Well, I mean, I heard there was a storm warning for today,” David said, which was definitely a lie.

“Oh. How do you explain yesterday?”

“Maybe the storm warning was for yesterday…”

“So then how do you explain today?”

Patrick could do this all day, especially since _no one was coming in the store_.

“You know what? I don’t have all the answers,” David snapped. “Um, have we checked to see if the door’s unlocked?” He looked nervous.

“Think that we need to be a little more proactive about this,” he said soothingly, placing a hand on David’s shoulder. “We can’t just wait for people to come in. We have to find better ways to engage with the community. Or hey, just like _a_ way. Just _one_ way to engage with the community.” In the last week, he had been encouraging David to come up with ideas on how to connect with the community. He already had a couple ideas, but only wanted to bring them up after David had exhausted himself. And that was tragically very quickly.

“Hey there’s someone!” David said, avoiding Patrick’s point. “That… is going to the café.”

He didn’t blame them. They both enjoyed going to the café. Twyla taking orders, Andre in the back making the food, everyone in town always seemed to be there. It wasn’t hard to become a regular and to feel welcomed, like you belonged.

“You know why people are always in the café? ‘Cause they feel at home there. It feels… comfortable,” he pointed out.

“Okay, are you saying that I don’t make people feel at home?” David asked defensively.

“Um…” As much as David felt like home to him, not everyone felt the same.

“Okay.”

“You remember our opening day here?” Patrick asked. He remembered it clearly. The store was full. People were excited. It was also the day he decided he needed to ask David out on a date.

“Yes! It was opening day, and there was booze, and people are drunks.”

“Yes, but they still showed up,” he argued. “We need to do something to make the store feel a little bit more accessible, a little bit more inclusive.”

The displeased sigh was all Patrick needed to know how David felt about that idea.

“Okay,” David said agreeably. He placed his hands on Patrick’s shoulders, massaging them with his thumbs. “Well, I am open to suggestions.”

“What if we hosted an open mic night?”

This was the first idea that came to him when he considered community engagement activities. It was also not entirely altruistic. He had been wanting to perform his music in public again, but between co-owning the store, working part-time at Ray’s, and dating David, there wasn’t a whole lot of time to focus on arranging new pieces and practicing.

“I am open to suggestions,” David repeated half-jokingly. Patrick laughed. He knew David wouldn’t be on board.

“I actually used to host one in high school,” Patrick continued. “There was a little café around the corner from my house. It had a little stage in the back, drew a pretty big crowd.” It was at these open mics that Patrick came to realize that he definitely liked boys, so they held a special place in his heart. (Patrick liked artistic men, what could he say?)

“Mmkay,” David said uncomfortably. “So, there was a point at which you and some of your fellow amateur singer-songwriters would gather and perform poetry and songs?”

“Yeah.”

“For one another?”

“Mhm, that’s right.”

“Oh god.”

Very not on board.

“The occasional improv troupe would stop by.”

“I’m, um, I’m feeling kind of ill,” David said with a laugh.

“David, you can laugh now, but an open mic night can be a surprising amount of fun,” Patrick said sincerely. “Worst case scenario: we get some people in the store.”

“Okay, no. Worst case scenario: I watch improv,” David said, dead serious. Patrick chuckled.

“It’s going to be fine, David,” he assured him again.

David crossed his arms and nervously glanced around the store as if he were trying to fully envision and accept the idea of an open mic night happening in his space. He walked forward to look out the window and watch the pedestrians walk past.

In the time Patrick had gotten to know David, he had picked up on a lot of non-verbal cues. For example, crossed arms and tapping on his bicep meant he was thinking, but also trying to not show that he was afraid. He’d do it every time he’d say okay to an idea Patrick had for the store or their relationship. From what he told him, he didn’t really trust other people so much, so for him to put any trust in Patrick was a huge deal. And Patrick had come to realize that David trusted him more than he realized.

He called Patrick constantly at all times of night and day, worried about something or needing to complain about his sister. The conversation would drift into summer camp experiences or weirdest food they’d ever tried or dream houses. The stories David would tell didn’t sound rehearsed, like he was telling them for the first time, like it was the first time someone had _asked_. It wasn’t that David trusted Patrick with their business or his family drama. He trusted him with his heart and his emotions. Each conversation made Patrick want to drop whatever he was doing and go to David, to hold him and kiss him and just be with him.

God, he loved him so much.

He wasn’t ready to say it aloud because that was way too soon. It would scare the shit out of David (though if David said it, Patrick would joyfully echo the sentiment). And they were definitely better at showing how much they cared for each other than saying it.

Music. The open mic.

He needed to make it happen and he couldn’t ask for permission. It was the only way he could say what he wanted without getting maudlin or terrifying David. And his guitar was already at the store since space in his room was at a premium and he could get some solid songwriting time in when David was gone.

Patrick hopped down from the counter and hugged David from behind, his arms circling his waist.

“I’m gonna step out for a minute,” he said.

“And leave me all alone?”

“Yup.”

He kissed David softly behind the ear before ducking behind the counter to grab his leather planner.

“My number’s on the fridge and I left you twenty bucks for pizza,” he said jokingly as he came back over to David. “Bye.” He pecked him quickly on the lips before heading out the front door.

First stop: Town Hall.

* * *

The town council _loved_ Patrick. He was one of the few people who got in and out with little bullshit. In the last year, he filed the most amount of business incorporation requests, nearly all of them for Ray’s new ventures, but he assisted in getting all of their vendors set up as fully licensed businesses to help with the town’s tax revenue.

Honestly, he was kind of a rock star at Town Hall.

He walked in and was immediately greeted by Roland.

“Hey! Patrick! How’s it going, my man?” He pulled him in for a hug.

“It’s going alright,” he replied. “Business is a little slow right now, so we’re trying some new community engagement initiatives.”

“If it’s anything like the crab boil Café Tropical did three years ago, I’m going to have to veto that right now,” Roland said seriously. “Nearly burned the whole building down.”

“No, no, there’s no fire,” Patrick assured him. “We’re gonna do an open mic tomorrow night.”

Now _that_ caught the others’ attention.

“Open mic night?” Moira asked as she stood up from her desk, circling to the front. “You’re doing an open mic night?”

“Oh, Gwen and I love open mic nights,” Bob said. “I’d go and perform my beat poetry and Gwen would stay home. It’s a really good time.”

“What kind of performances would be allowed at this ‘open mic night’?” Moira inquired. He knew of all the people in Town Hall she would be the most interested.

“Anything!” Patrick answered. “You did such a wonderful job at Asbestos Fest. Perhaps an encore performance? I’m sure there’s something you’d love to sing.”

“I’ll have to take a look at my songbook and see what could be prepared with such little time,” she said, putting on her reading glasses and returning to her desk to pull out a large binder.

“Now, do you have access to a puppet?” Roland asked Patrick discreetly.

“You are _not_ doing ventriloquism,” Ronnie finally said, not even looking up from her newspaper. “It got a little too racy for my goddaughter’s 6 th birthday party.”

Ah, the woman he was looking for.

“Oh, there won’t be any kids there,” Patrick explained, finally breaking away from Roland to get to Ronnie. He sat down in one of the chairs next to her desk. “It’s strictly adults only. We want to serve alcohol so I’m going to need a one-day liquor license.”

“Are you going to have a bartender checking IDs?” she asked.

“That’s the problem. We don’t really have the budget to hire someone,” he said. “And it’s bad business practice to have someone work for free.”

Ronnie stared at him for a moment, then silently opened her file drawer and pulled out a permit. Without him filling out anything, she signed it.

“This will let you have alcohol on the premises if you charge cover at the door and check IDs there. You won’t need a bartender,” she explained, passing the permit to Patrick. “But this is your live performance permit.”

It was happening. Their open mic was officially happening.

“Thank you so much, Ronnie,” he said sincerely, filing the permit away in his planner. “I’ll get you as many drink tickets as you can carry.” That earned him a rare smirk from her.

“I knew I liked you, Patrick Brewer,” she said.

He stood up and headed toward the exit.

“I look forward to seeing you all there!” he said to the room. He pointed to Bob and Moira. “Can’t wait to hear your performances.”

With that, he was out of town hall in all of 10 minutes and simultaneously told the whole town. The small-town grapevine was short but effective. He even quickly stopped in to Café Tropical to fill out the rest of his permit and to tell Twyla, the ultimate town gossip. Every person she served the next two days would know about the open mic night.

Now he just needed to figure out what he was going to sing to David.

* * *

When he got back to the store, he found David leaning on the counter and staring disappointingly out the window. It was so hard to see him like this. His mood tended to match the ebb and flow of sales, which made sense for a first-time business owner. But Patrick was going to fix it. He had to for monetary and romantic reasons.

“Well, someone took a long coffee break,” David said as he came out from behind the counter to meet Patrick.

“I’m sorry, did I miss the evening rush?” he asked sarcastically.

“Yes,” he replied defensively. “One customer came in… who was asking for directions.”

“Well, I have good news,” Patrick said before handing the permit to David. “I got us a permit for tomorrow night. Ronnie says we can get around the liquor license if we just charge people cover at the door, so.” He set his planner down on the table. He was extremely proud of himself to get all that done in only 30 minutes.

“What’s the permit for?” David asked, trying to sound oblivious. Patrick stared at him. The dumb act wasn’t going to work. They needed this. _He_ needed this.

“The open mic night,” he said bluntly.

There was a long pause before David finally replied.

“Oh,” he said. He sounded both uncomfortable and surprised at this. It was collateral from teaching him compromise. “So, we’re moving forward with the open mic night, then.”

“Yeah, we’re moving forward with it,” Patrick said, ignoring David’s obvious uneasiness. If David was going to be weird about this obviously great idea, why not have a little fun with it? Patrick headed to the back of the store where his guitar was tucked away. “People are pretty excited about it, too. Did you know Bob does beat poetry in his spare time?”

“No.”

Patrick came back into the main room, carrying his guitar with a smile. David couldn’t hide his discomfort any longer now that the proof of Patrick’s intentions was in the open.

“Oh god, what’s that—what’s that?” David asked.

“This is called an acoustic guitar.” Now definitely called for smart-ass comments. He pulled the strap of the guitar over his head as David continued to stare dumbfounded. Patrick could tell he was doing everything in his power to not have a meltdown like he did over the plungers, and honestly, he was rather impressed.

“Right,” David said. “When we were talking about the open mic night, I thought that you would be hosting it, not performing at it.”

“Well, traditionally, the host plays at least one song, so.”

“Right, okay. So, you will be playing your acoustic guitar in front of people, then. In public.”

“And singing a song,” Patrick added.

“And singing a song.”

Oh boy, David hated this. Patrick was positive he wouldn’t hate whatever song he ultimately performed, but this was one opportunity he couldn’t pass to mess with him. Throw him off completely.

“I was thinking about singing an original song,” Patrick mused.

“An original song?”

“But then I thought it’s probably best just to stick with a classic.”

“Hm. Yeah. Classic.”

The more Patrick spoke, the unhappier David grew. He couldn’t not address it now.

“So, I’m sensing some apprehension,” he commented.

“No,” David lied. “I think it’s, you know, it’s—it’s not scary or embarrassing for the person you’re dating to sing at you with an acoustic guitar in front of people. I think that’s… cool.” He must have had a bad experience with it in the past. That had to be the reason for the nervousness.

“David, you’re going to be fine,” he promised. “It’s just a way to get people in the store, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, yes, for sure. I mean, if you are confident to put yourself and our relationship at risk like that, then I am… 87 percent behind you,” he said.

David was being ridiculous. It really didn’t matter if he liked the open mic or not. It would be really great for their bottom line. Plus, Patrick thought he might have the perfect song to sing.

“Good to know,” he said, then leaned in to David. “So now the only question is: do I wear my fringed vest—"

“Okay.” David was having none of it.

“Or more importantly: do I wear anything under it?”

“Okay.”

Patrick stared seriously at David as he turned to go to the back of the store, all the while strumming some nonsense chords on the guitar. They were gross chords that, without even looking behind him, were scaring the absolute shit out of David.

One perk of the store being virtually empty was that it gave him time to mess with David by strumming dissonant chords and singing off-key. What David didn’t know was that Patrick was actually a very talented musician and minored in music. So talented in fact that he was able to transcribe and arrange his actual song for the open mic all while singing “The Piña Colada Song” as poorly as he could.

At the end of the day, David wasn’t speaking to him but kissed him goodbye anyway.

* * *

Patrick stayed at the store late that night to get some actual practice time in. While it was immensely fun torturing David, that was the last thing he wanted to do when he got on stage. He wanted to prove his boyfriend wrong, that serenading your partner can be a romantic act. It had to be perfect.

The next day started like any other day, except David was particularly leery of anything Patrick said or did. He’d cringe any time Patrick went near his guitar, terrified he’d repeat yesterday. So when Patrick volunteered to run the errands, David was relieved to not live in constant fear.

The open mic was set to start at 8pm which gave Patrick enough time to get all the things he needed for the event. He borrowed the microphone and stage from Town Hall, bought some wine and beer from the supermarket in Elmdale, and between two of their vendors, he managed to create a charcuterie plate that David would like. Every place he stopped, someone approached him to ask about signing up or attending. It was all coming together for a magical night.

Stepping out also gave him a chance to rehearse in the car. He recorded himself playing on his phone and rehearsed until he worried he wouldn’t have a voice left for the performance.

It was going to be incredible.

He got back around 6pm, right on schedule. After moving everything from Patrick’s car into the store, David went back to the motel to get ready for the evening. Despite not wanting to do the open mic night, he apparently still needed to look good for it.

Folks arrived early, as they usually did in Schitt’s Creek. Some were there to sign up for a performance slot, many just wanted to get their drink on early. And for every $5 spent at the store, they got one drink ticket, which meant their sales were well past where he thought they’d be by this point. He underestimated the small town’s love of alcohol.

The line-up was solid and varied, folks were relaxing, and sales were up. Everyone was there, from Twyla to the mayor and his wife. Patrick could not have asked for a better outcome.

As anticipated, David and Moira arrived around 7:45pm, right when sign-ups were wrapping up. Moira looked impeccable as always, and David was wearing _orange_. He’d never seen him wear orange – well, any color – before. It looked so good on him.

He pushed through the crowd to where David and Moira were lingering at the counter. David was wearing the same anxious expression he had all day yesterday and today. There were so many things that made David uncomfortable at the same time: open mics, serenades, small talk. Patrick didn’t expect him to change his mind completely overnight, but the fact he was being open enough to allow this to happen was huge. And best of all, Patrick was right that this was a great idea.

“Hi,” David said curtly as Patrick approached.

“You see? You see what I told you?” Patrick said with a huge grin. He was really riding on endorphins of good business and pre-show excitement. “This was all it took to get people out on a work night.”

“Yup,” he replied uncomfortably. “A lot of people are shopping and drinking. I don’t even know if we need to do the open mic part.”

“Oh, we need the open mic part.”

“Do we?”

“Yeah.”

Patrick patted him on the shoulder before heading to the stage. He was so invested in this open mic night as not just a business opportunity, but as a personal triumph. Growing up, he’d always secretly performed for the boys in the audience. They’d never know, and especially since he never changed pronouns in the songs, they would never find out. Afterwards, audience members would compliment him on all the emotions he exuded in his performances, and then they’d say his girlfriend was so lucky.

But now there was no question. He was about to sing openly and freely to this talented, smart, and beautiful man who had captured his heart. He wanted to show David how much he loved him and cared for him all while fulfilling a lifelong dream. He so badly wanted to be a cheesy romcom trope and figured this was far better than standing outside the motel with a boombox. Everyone else got to do it. Why not him?

He got on stage and felt the warmth of the lights on his skin. It felt like he had come home after a long trip at sea. Folks started cheering as he approached the microphone.

“How’s everybody doing?” he asked the crowd. They cheered louder and that rush of energy was a feeling he missed.

“Thanks so much for coming to what I hope will be the first of many open mic nights here at the Rose Apothecary,” he continued, looking directly at David who was not thrilled by that sentence. “David and I are so excited you could all come. I see everybody has loaded up on drink tickets.”

“Oh, I am,” Ronnie answered with a fistful of tickets in hand, eliciting a warm chuckle from all those in the store. He told her she could have as many as she wanted without purchase, but she insisted on paying her fair share.

“That’s good news,” he said. The laughter helped calm the simmering nervousness he had which was less about his performance and more about how David was going to react. “I’m going to, uh, I guess I’m gonna get the party started right after I tune this baby.”

He grabbed his guitar from the corner of the stage and quickly checked the tuning. His skin was buzzing with excitement and nervousness. Once he was ready, he leaned back into the microphone.

“Alright. I would like to dedicate this song to a very special someone in my life,” he said, strumming for a second, then looked to David who was still very unhappy about this. “David Rose.”

“Okay,” David said, clearly disagreeing with the specific call-out.

“There he is, right there,” Patrick said playfully. “That’s him. Can’t miss him.” David uncomfortably waved to the guests.

As he began playing, he thought back to one of their late-night conversations sitting in his car after hitting up the closest fast food joint for a burger.

_The radio was on low as they discussed what breed of dog everyone in the town would be. It was the same station Patrick had on after their first date and like always, love songs filled the airwaves. David usually didn’t touch the volume – he was shockingly respectful of driver/radio rules in the car – but without asking, he turned up this song just enough to hear the lyrics._

_Of course, Patrick knew the song. Whoever didn’t know Tina Turner was insane. But watching David pause and close his eyes for just a moment to take in the first verse. Patrick reached over and took David’s hand, lacing their fingers together._

_“I love this song,” David said softly. “I would blast it full volume and my mom would say she could hear it from the other side of the house. But it was never loud enough. The music video was ridiculous – you know, the one with the horse—”_

_“I remember.”_

_“But her live performance in Barcelona was so emotional and so raw, and growing up I always wished I had someone who made me feel the way she did during that performance.” He finally looked at Patrick who was speechless. It was a deep confession that was very unexpected. David then smiled sheepishly before saying, “It’s dumb, I know.”_

_“It’s not dumb,” Patrick murmured before leaning over and kissing him tenderly. “It’s not dumb at all.”_

He looked up from the floor to David because really, in that moment, he was the only person in the room. Then he began to sing.

“ _I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire_  
You come to me, come to me wild and wired  
Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need”

David glanced around quickly, as if to make sure no one was watching him, and Patrick saw his nervousness morphing into something else.

“ _Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams  
Speak the language of love like you know what it means_ ”

Moira reached out and touched David’s arm. She knew, too.

“ _Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe_  
You're simply the best, better than all the rest  
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met  
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say  
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead”

He saw David’s face soften into adoration. Patrick had seen that look so many times over the last few months and he wanted to see it forever.

“ _In your heart I see the start of every night and every day_  
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away  
Just as long here in your arms I could be in no better place  
You're simply the best, better than all the rest  
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met  
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say  
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead”

As he sang, David’s smile grew and his posture became that of the shy teenager he must have been when he discovered the song.

“ _Each time you leave me I start losing control_  
_You're walking away with my heart and my soul_  
_I can feel you even when I'm alone  
__Oh, baby, don't let go_ ”

The bridge never failed to give Patrick goosebumps because he completely understood how Tina felt.

“ _You're the best, better than all the rest_  
_Better than anyone, anyone I ever met_  
_I'm stuck on your heart_  
_I hang on every word you say_  
_Tear us apart_  
_Baby I would rather be dead  
__Oh, you're the best_ ”

He played the final chord and David was shaking his head with a blissful smile on his face.

The audience cheered, David applauding right along with them. Patrick couldn’t stop beaming.

“Thank you,” he said over the mic.

He kept watching David who was gazing at him silently from the counter. He needed to get off the stage and be with him. He quickly set his guitar down in the corner.

“Are you ready for your next performer?” he said to be met with more raucous applause. “You know him. You love him. He fixes your cars. Here’s Bob with some beat poetry!” Bob appeared from the side of the stage with a rather large notebook in hand and took the mic.

Patrick cleared the stage and wandered over to David who was still looking at him with such love and adoration. Before he said anything, David silently took Patrick’s hand in his and led him behind the counter and through the curtain to the back.

There, David stopped and drew Patrick into his arms. It was then that Patrick noticed the tears in David’s eyes.

He knew David wasn’t understood by a lot of people. He was often seen as aloof and overly critical, his sarcasm and biting wit serving as his sword and shield. But this was David without his armor. This was the David who Patrick got to see glimpses of, but never like this.

David leaned in and kissed Patrick so delicately that his heart leapt to his throat. He wanted to tell him he loved him and how much he cared about him, but Tina had already done that for him.

When they pulled back, David rested his forehead against his.

“Still only 87 percent behind me?” he whispered. David chuckled.

“I think it’s a bit more like 96, now,” he replied.

“Good.”

“It was really beautiful. Easily better than her Barcelona performance.” Patrick laughed.

“High praise. Thank you.”

They stood there and swayed for a moment, their arms around each other, trading soft, tender kisses.

Patrick didn’t know how long they were back there and frankly didn’t care. David was the only thing that mattered.

It was the smattering of polite applause from the main room that brought them back down to Earth.

“Gotta go back to work,” he murmured.

“Is there any improv in the line-up?”

He pulled back from David and took his hand to lead him back out.

“Well, your mom _is_ performing later—”

“So, that’s a yes.”


	11. rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's David & Patrick's four-month anniversary and nothing goes according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just about killed me. I was going through all the emotions with Patrick and let me tell you, it's a fucking whirlwind, friends. I'm honestly really excited I got it up before Tuesday.
> 
> Set during 4x07 "The Barbeque"
> 
> Enjoy?

Patrick and David had been dating for four months – four months! – and Patrick couldn’t be more elated. It was all so new and wonderful. Every time he saw David, he could feel his heart skip a beat. It had been four months since that first date and they were possibly the best four months of his life. He had his own business with his boyfriend, living in a quaint town in the country.

The relationship was a first for both of them – albeit in different ways – and it felt good starting on a nearly level playing field. While Patrick had never dated a man before, David never had a partner who was attentive, respectful, and nice. He had also never had a partner who cared about anniversaries.

At their one-month, Patrick brought David a small teddy bear he won from a claw machine as they waited for their table at a restaurant in Thornbridge. David didn’t realize it was their one-month until Patrick handed him the little white bear. It was holding a heart, so it only felt appropriate that he spent $10 on getting it out of the damn machine. As soon as his hands touched the machine, David pretended he didn’t know him. Thankfully, Patrick was able to get it out before their buzzer went off and was able to present it to David in front of the whole waiting area. David hated it, but he still held it in his lap the whole meal.

David forgot their two-month too, but that didn’t matter. Patrick had gotten him a mug that read ‘World’s Best Boyfriend’ anyway. He said he’d never use it. Patrick saw him secretly pour his caramel macchiatos into it, sacrificing the latticework that Twyla had finally perfected, when he’d be in the back doing inventory.

The three-month gift of a keychain with a photo of both of them on it was met with equal disdain as the bear and mug. And as with the bear and mug, Patrick saw he’d put it on his keys to the store.

A new baker had just opened in Elmdale. David & Patrick had stopped in to see if they’d be interested in selling at the Apothecary. (They were.) Before they left, the owners handed them a box of a dozen different pastries. They pulled over on the drive home to sit in an empty park and fed each other the delicate pastries. It was one of the most romantic things Patrick had ever done in his life and was pretty sure it was the same for David.

So, it only made sense to remind him of that beautiful day by ordering a giant heart-shaped cookie with a giant pink ‘4’ on it in icing from that same baker. He had it delivered to the motel so that Stevie could get a good giggle at it. (She helped him pick out the keychain.) Much like all the other gifts, David would be embarrassed about it but still quietly enjoy it.

Patrick couldn’t wait for David’s reaction. It was all far too hilarious.

He checked his watch around 10:15am when it was set to be delivered. He was at the store and David wouldn’t be showing up until around 10:30am like usual. It was after 10am, but before he’d left. It was perfect. Hopefully, they’d spend the evening eating the cookie while lounging in his car at the Julia Stiles-a-thon at the drive-in. He knew there was no chance in making out during either _10 Things I Hate About You_ or _Save the Last Dance_ , but he had hopes for _The Prince & Me_. After sitting through two movies, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep his hands off him.

The clock rolled over to 10:30am, Patrick was reviewing contracts as he waited behind the counter, and right on schedule, David came through the front door carrying his large black bag. He did not look pleased.

Excellent.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” David asked him exasperatingly, dropping his bag in front of the counter.

“I take it the cookie went over well?” he replied with a grin, trying not to laugh. Stevie must’ve been cackling.

“I have told you for three months now that I don’t want a monthly anniversary gift,” David continued, ignoring his question. “And I know you think it’s very funny, but this time it went too far.”

Went too far?

“It’s a cookie, David,” he said. “What’s the big deal?” He overreacted to all of his gifts, but this was a little different.

“First of all, a cookie is always a big deal, especially when that cookie just alerted my entire family to the fact that this is the longest relationship I’ve ever had.” He trailed off at the end as he started adjusting the tea bags on the table, glancing up to see the utter shock on Patrick’s face.

“This is the longest relationship you’ve ever had?” Patrick asked, stunned. He knew David hadn’t had the best luck with relationships. Hell, when they started dating, he said it was kind of a first time for him too. This relationship was a big deal for both of them. Maybe he needed to be a little more sensitive. “Aw, I should’ve gotten you more than a cookie.”

“Well, the cookie was almost too much, figuratively speaking,” David said, then added under his breath, “I ate half of it on the way here.” He gathered himself again. “Bottom line, I just don’t think we need to celebrate as much. You know, we could just go day to day like normal people. If we throw a renaissance fair every month, I just feel like we might be tempting fate.”

Oh, David.

He was so worried something terrible was going to happen or worse, Patrick would leave him. There was very little in this world that would make Patrick leave his side. This was the happiest he had ever been, and it was all because of David. He needed to have more faith.

Patrick came around the counter to take David by the shoulders.

“We are not tempting fate, okay?” he assured him. “I can’t speak to your past, but I think that you might have an easier time of it – and a little bit more fun – if you learn to trust people.”

David mimicked him by taking him by the shoulders.

“The last time I heard that I was dating a birthday clown who painted my face in the night and was literally never seen from again,” David said seriously. He was clearly mildly traumatized by this.

“Noted,” he said softly. He understood the fear. It wasn’t easy to trust others and given how messed up so many of David’s relationships were – both romantic and platonic – he wasn’t surprised he wasn’t more trusting.

“And you have nothing to worry about, David,” Patrick continued as he backed up to lean against the counter, giving David space. He pulled out the drive-in tickets from his back pocket. “And I can return these tickets to the Julia Stiles-a-thon at the drive-in tonight. I agree, that might have been a little overboard.”

David reflexively reached out and took the tickets out of Patrick’s hands.

“Okay, first of all, let it be known that supporting Julia Stiles is never ‘going overboard,’” David corrected him.

Every month he got the hemming and hawing about how they shouldn’t make a big deal out of month anniversaries, and every month David thanked him for a fantastic anniversary. (Okay, he didn’t use the word ‘anniversary’, but given how passionately David would kiss him in the car after their dates, it was obvious.)

“Oh, so you can go,” Patrick said warmly. It was going to be so romantic. He couldn’t wait to crawl into the backseat of the car with him after the marathon.

“Um, not tonight,” David replied. “Tonight, I have a thing. But tomorrow, I could come.” It wasn’t usual that he didn’t elaborate.

“What’s your thing tonight?”

David paused.

“Um… it’s just like, a family thing at the motel,” he said evasively. “It’s just like, a nothing thing… You wouldn’t…” He looked down at the tickets. Clearly it wasn’t Patrick’s business to know what it was, and he didn’t need to pry. David could tell him later and he would love to hear about it.

“Okay, well, tomorrow night it is,” Patrick said as he reached back for his folder. “Now I gotta go to town hall to get some signatures for our permit renewal.”  He stepped into David’s space, putting a hand on his arm. “But don’t worry, David. Unlike the birthday clown, I will be back.”

He kissed David on the cheek before heading toward the door.

“He was never found,” David said.

“He’s probably dead,” Patrick said bluntly before stepping outside.

The sunshine warmed his skin and the fresh air filled his lungs. It was a beautiful day. He was excited to celebrate another month with David. This wasn’t his first four-month anniversary, but it was the first one he really, truly cared about. He couldn’t wait to celebrate one year, five years, ten years, a lifetime with him.

The walk to town hall was brief and before he knew it, he was walking up the front steps. Inside, all of the desks were empty sans one.

“Well, look who it is,” Moira said, taking off her reading glasses and standing up from her desk. “My son’s beau.” He smiled at the term of endearment. David would never use the word ‘beau’, but it was like music hearing it come from Moira.

“Hi, Mrs. Rose,” he said, smiling. “I see you’re holding down the fort today.”

“Ah, yes. The lone soldier waiting for the troops to come home, prepared for any attack,” she said as she ran an affectionate hand down his arm. “What brings you here today?”

“Permit renewal,” he said, handing her the folder.

“Is it that time already?” she asked, awed. She put her reading glasses back on as she sat down and pulled out the form.

“It is.”

“My, how the time just flies! I feel like it was just yesterday that David met you, Pat,” she said as she signed his permit forms. He couldn’t help but grin at the pet name. It wasn’t his favorite, but honestly, he was just glad she remembered his name unprompted.

“It feels like I’ve known David forever,” he replied warmly.

“Oh, I’ve heard that before about him. What feels like an hour is only 5 minutes after he’s wound himself up about this, that, and the other thing.”

Patrick chuckled. He knew what she was talking about, but completely disagreed.

“For me, it’s the other way around,” he admitted sheepishly. “It's never enough time.”

She looked up and gave him a soft smile. She took off her glasses and pushed her chair back.

“Let me get you a coffee,” she said, then walked over with her own mug to the tiny coffeemaker in the corner. “It’s certainly not Seattle’s finest, but I at least convinced Roland to start buying it from your store.”

“And we appreciate it.”

She poured coffee into her own mug, then into a disposable cup. Patrick leaned against her desk, appreciating the stillness of the room. She gingerly handed him his cup before sitting back down at her desk.

“Four months, huh?” she said, a twinkle in her eye. Patrick smiled, chuckling to himself. Four months. “So, tell me, how is it going?”

Patrick laughed. His boyfriend’s mom was asking him about their relationship. He never imagined he’d be in this situation. _His boyfriend’s mom!_

“It’s going really well,” he answered.

“I should say so. I never thought a serenade would bring David to tears.”

“That was what I was going for!” Patrick said. “He was giving me all this grief about the open mic, so I spent the week making him think I was going to play ‘Wonderwall’.”

“He must have nearly died!”

“He almost killed _me_!”

They both laughed.

“He is really the best,” Patrick sighed happily. “He’s funny, brilliant, ridiculously creative, and surprisingly good at business. He’s stubborn, but nothing I can’t crack.” He smiled. “I couldn’t have asked for a better business partner or boyfriend. He makes me so happy.”

“Well, I can’t wait to celebrate you two tonight at our little Rose family barbeque,” she said with a smile.

…what?

“I’m sorry, what barbeque?”

Moira gasped.

“Did David not tell you?” she asked. Patrick shook his head. “We’re having a barbeque to celebrate David’s longest relationship!”

“He made it seem like it was a family only ordeal.”

“It most certainly is not. We definitely want you there.”

“I can’t wait.” 

“Perhaps you can bring your guitar and we can have a rousing singalong,” she suggested. “You could get back at David for not inviting you. Can you play anything from Barry Manilow’s catalog? It would drive him crazy.”

“I think so,” Patrick laughed.

“I hope so. It’d only be fair. Please tell me yes,” she begged him. He couldn’t stop laughing. He loved that she was all about getting back at David.

Speaking of David.

“Uh… hi,” David said, mildly annoyed, having just arrived.

“David!” Moira greeted him. “Someone’s ears must be aflame.” David ignored her.

“When you said you were coming back, you just meant you _weren’t_ coming back, and that I would have to spend the afternoon searching for you on the train tracks and among various unmarked vans,” David said sharply to him, a hand on his hip.

“You did that for me?” Patrick asked sarcastically.

“…no, but there was a moment when I thought about doing it,” he amended.

“David, blame me,” Moira chimed in.

“Oh, I do,” he snapped at her.

“Patrick was about the slip away with the signatures when I corralled him into a little lunchtime chinwag,” she said, grinning.

“Yes, which is how I found out about the barbeque that I was invited to but didn’t know about,” Patrick said to him, bothered that it wasn’t even a slip of the memory but a conscious choice.

“Hm,” David said, his eyes darting between Patrick and Moira.

“Why didn’t you tell me I was invited to the barbeque?” he asked. Why did David want to keep him away from his family? He’d met all of them and liked David’s family. They were great.

“Well, they only wanted to have the barbeque after reading what was on your cookie,” David said, as if that were the obvious answer.

“Yeah, sorry, that still sounds pretty nice to me,” Patrick said warily.

“Thank you, Pat,” Moira said.

“It is nice! No one’s saying it’s not nice,” David corrected himself. “What I’m saying it—”

“’Kay!” Moira cut him off. David groaned with frustration. She stood up and turned to Patrick, lightly touching his arm. “Pat, do you mind giving us the room for just one moment?”

“Certainly.”

Patrick grabbed his folder with the signed permit from the desk.

“Somebody should probably be at the store anyway, huh?” he said before tapping David on the ass with the folder as he left town hall. “Lovely talking to you, Mrs. Rose!”

“You too!” she called after him.

He headed back to the store to wait for David to return.

A barbeque! And to celebrate their relationship. It was going to be the first time he was going to sit down with all of the Roses for dinner.

Dinner with the family.

Patrick’s whole body tingled with joy. He was going to dinner with his boyfriend’s family.

A couple customers were waiting outside the door when he arrived.

“Sorry about that, folks,” he said as he unlocked the front door. “Come on in.”

A few sales later, David was back in the store looking less tense than when Patrick left town hall. Surely Moira got through to him. If David really didn’t want him there, he wouldn’t go. But he really, really wanted to be there. He wished his family were closer, so they could do a joint barbeque with the Roses. One day.

He was just finishing replacing their permit in its frame when David gingerly placed his hands on the counter. His lips were pursed, as they often were when he had something he wanted to say but was uncomfortable saying it. Patrick gave him a moment before breaking the silence.

“I was so glad when I saw you hadn’t gotten rid of this frame,” he remarked as he pushed down the tabs keeping the back of the frame in place.

“I thought it was good to showcase your progress,” David replied. Patrick chuckled. He hung the frame back up in its place.

 _Stuck on your heart_.

“So, about the barbeque…” David said slowly. Patrick leaned his hands on the counter, mirroring David.

“The barbeque you neglected to tell me I was invited to, yes,” he said matter-of-factly. David huffed.

“Yes,” he said, then paused, biting his lip and staring at Patrick. He sighed deeply. “Would you like to come to my family’s barbeque tonight?”

Patrick sucked his teeth in contemplation.

“You know, I don’t know. I have these tickets to a thing tonight.”

David gave him the most impatient look before rolling his eyes.

“You can bring your guitar,” he said reluctantly.

Patrick smiled.

“I’d love to come,” he replied. He leaned across the counter and gave David a light kiss on the lips. “The post-meal singalong is going to be incredible.”

“No singalong!”

“Your mom was very excited to discover I know Barbara Streisand’s whole catalog.”

“Okay,” David said, defeated, as he stepped away from the counter and headed toward the back room. Patrick followed him.

“She specifically requested _Yentl_ and who am I to deny my Jewish boyfriend’s mother ‘Papa Can You Hear Me?’.”

“No one is playing _Yentl_ at our anniversary barbeque!” David yelled from the back. Patrick beamed.

“So, you admit it’s an anniversary, then?” he asked smugly.

David appeared in the doorway, hands on his hip, giving Patrick a very serious look.

“Yes,” he sighed. “And it might be the last if you subject me to my mother’s Broadway singing.” Patrick drew him in by the waist.

“Hall & Oates it is, then,” he said before murmuring, “Happy anniversary, David.” He kissed David softly and when he pulled back, David was smiling, a light blush on his cheeks.

* * *

The little barbeque was already underway by the time they were able to close the store for the day. A couple customers lingered a bit too long and Patrick wouldn’t let David just shoo them out since they were absolutely making a purchase.

Once closed, they made a trip to the market to pick up some pre-made potato salad as well as a couple six packs of beer at Stevie’s request. Throughout the whole drive David kept glancing over at him with a small smile. It felt so wonderfully domestic, picking up a couple extra things for a barbeque with David’s family.

They pulled up to the motel and quickly exited the car, grabbing the food from the backseat.

“Hey, everyone!” Patrick called out as he and David approached the barbeque in progress.

“Patrick and David, the men of the hour!” Moira said excitedly from the picnic table where she sat alone. Johnny and Stevie were huddled over the grill and Alexis was nowhere to be found.

“Hi,” David said uncomfortably. He slid the potato salad onto the table. “Everything looks like it’s going well here.”

He wasn’t wrong. The burgers on the grill smelled delicious. There was a sizable spread of side dishes and condiments across two tables and Patrick even had to move a giant ice cream tub in the cooler to make space for the additional beers he purchased.

“We couldn’t have done it without Stevie. She’s the real barbeque master,” Moira explained.

“Well, it looks great, Mrs. Rose,” Patrick said from the table against the building. “David, take a seat. I’ll grab your wine.”

“Oh,” David said, pleasantly surprised. “Thank you, Patrick.”

Patrick poured a glass of chardonnay for his boyfriend and popped open a beer for himself before returning to the table where David and Moira sat watching Johnny and Stevie grill. He could catch a word or two between them, but by how tense Stevie was and how close Johnny was to her, it can’t have been going well.

“They’ve been over there a while,” Moira mused.

“Do you think they need help?” David asked.

“I’ll go check,” Patrick offered, standing up from the table, beer in hand. He ambled over to the grill where he could see some of the slider patties were on the brink of becoming charcoal briquettes themselves. Stevie was silent as Johnny glanced between her and the grill.

“You guys want me to jump in?” he asked. Johnny turned around.

“No! I think we’ve got it covered,” he said pleasantly, stepping back from Stevie and the grill.

“Oh! You do! Great!” Stevie said sarcastically. She held up her empty bottle. “’Cause I’m gonna get another beer.” She spun around and pawned the turner to Johnny. “There you go.” And with that, she escaped, leaving Patrick and Johnny alone.

Patrick hadn’t spent any significant time with Mr. Rose. It wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t mean to avoid his boyfriend’s father. They just hadn’t crossed paths as much as say, he and Mrs. Rose did. He’d see her at town hall or when she’s stop in the store. Johnny was usually always at the motel and when Patrick was at the motel, he was either picking David up or David was hurriedly ushering him into the room because they didn’t know how much time they’d have to make out before Alexis got home.

But it was also so wild to be standing next to the former CEO of Rose Video, the first place Patrick ever worked. It was the job that inspired him to go into business. When he was 17, he was one of the youngest assistant managers the company ever had. It taught him the value of hard work and dedication and ultimately led him down the path that brought him here, making sliders with the former CEO at a barbeque to celebrate his boyfriend and him. It was quite surreal.

“Well, finally, back at the old grill,” Johnny said jovially. He chuckled, making Patrick smile. He knew Johnny hadn’t a clue what he was doing, but the effort was appreciated.

“I’d say that one looks about perfect,” Patrick said, gesturing to one of the patties.

“I was gonna say the same thing,” he said. There was a pause. “…Specifically, which one were you talking about?”

“This one here.” Patrick pointed more directly at the patty in question.

“Oh yeah, that’s the one.”

Patrick walked around him to grab a plate. Johnny removed the burger patty and set it gingerly on the proffered plate.

“This one looks good,” Johnny said, pointing to another one. “Is this one cooked?”

“That one needs a little bit longer,” Patrick answered, but pointed to a different one. “This one is ready though.”

It wasn’t the deep conversation he was hoping to have Mr. Rose. He wanted to ask him all about the history of Rose Video and really pick his brain for all the business knowledge he had. But right now, it was quite humbling to simply be helping the video magnate cook for his family.

One by one the patties were plated and ready for consumption. Lucky for them, the patties were nearly cooked by the time Patrick and David arrived, so there wasn’t much of a wait. Patrick took the plate in one hand and together he and Mr. Rose joined the others at the table.

“That’s it, watch your step. Right here,” Johnny said, unnecessarily directing him. He was starting to understand where David got his micromanaging from.

As he set the plate on the table, he couldn’t help but look across the table at his boyfriend. He could feel his heart skip a beat. It had only been 10 minutes, but Patrick always missed David even when he wasn’t too far away.

“Perfect, perfect,” Johnny continued. “There you go! We make a good team, Pat!” Patrick tipped his beer to him as he took a seat across from David.

“No, John, no. We’re not doing ‘Pat’,” Moira corrected him. David must have said something to her.

“No, we’re not,” David added. Patrick never wanted David to call him ‘Pat’. He loved the sound of his full name on David’s lips.

Stevie practically collapsed onto the bench next to him, her eyes wide and manic.

“We’re not waiting for Alexis, are we?” she asked. “Because, honestly, I could eat this table cloth.”

Patrick picked up the tray of sliders.

“Medium rare for David,” he said, pointing to one closest to his boyfriend.

“Thank you,” David replied.

He circulated the tray to everyone at the table, finally taking one himself.

He’d done the awkward ‘meet the parents’ thing before in past relationships and even though he already knew David’s whole family, he still felt the overwhelming urge to impress the Roses.

“You know,” he began, “this wasn’t actually the first time that I’ve been put to work by the Rose family. My first job in high school was actually at a Rose Video.” Everyone was surprised.

“Get out of town! What branch?!” Johnny asked, ecstatic.

“785.”

“785! Impressive late fees,” he said. Just remembering that small detail about his branch was one of the reasons Johnny Rose had done so well. He didn’t let anything go unnoticed.

“Thank you,” he said proudly. Part of that was his own personal work, going through back catalogs of unreturned videos and collecting on the fees.

“Can you pass the ketchup?” Stevie asked. As the bottle traveled down the table, David spoke up.

“Okay, how did I not know you worked at a Rose Video?” he asked curiously. Patrick shrugged. David didn’t ask too many questions about Patrick’s past, which was exactly how he liked it.

“Well, let’s hope that you continue to surprise each other,” Moira said. “It keeps the relationship titillating.”

“Please never say ‘titillating’ when referring to my relationship,” David responded.

“Can I, though?” Stevie asked jokingly before taking a huge bite of her slider.

“No.”

Patrick felt so at home with the Roses and the banter. He hoped he could be around them for a long, long time.

“Well, anyone with a glass, please raise them,” Johnny said, lifting his beer in the air. Everyone followed suit. “To relationships. Old and new.”

Patrick looked across the table to David who was gazing fondly at him. His dark brown eyes so full of affection that it filled Patrick from his toes to his fingertips. He felt so _alive_. It was so easy to love David. Even when David was at his most difficult, there was no part of Patrick who loved him any less. He needed David in his life because before him, he felt like he was just going through the motions. David was passionate and had opinions that he shared. He never had to guess what David was thinking. He was a great brother, son, and business partner. He cared about his family and friends even when he was being critical of them. He made Patrick feel so sexy when they’d be alone, all of his touches and kisses were only ever just for him.

Some days at the store, he’d picture them running the store decades later, still together and still madly in love. It was early in their relationship, sure, but Patrick had never been so certain about anything in his life. He never wanted to lose David Rose.

“Um, thanks for waiting.”

Alexis came around the corner of the motel with someone in tow.

Someone he knew.

_Oh, fuck._

Suddenly, there was a ringing in his ears and Patrick’s blood went cold.

“Alexis! Just in time!” Johnny greeted them.

His heart began to race.

“Everybody, this is my new friend, Rachel. She’s having a bit of a day.”

The skeletons in his closet had come out to play.

Rachel’s eyes landed on him, and her brow furrowed.

“Patrick?”

He felt like he was going to vomit.

“Rachel, what are you doing here?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around all the emotions swirling inside him.

“What are _you_ doing here?” she asked him back. “I’ve been texting you for two days!”

He saw all of her inane text messages. He deleted every single one.

He told her he never wanted to speak to her again.

Instead, she did what she’s always done.

“Wait,” Alexis said, confused. “ _Patrick_ is your fiancé?”

The knot in his stomach twisted tighter.

Then David turned around to look at him.

He couldn’t handle the shock and confusion on David’s face.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” he said. “You have a fiancé?”

“No,” Patrick said quickly. “I—I mean, I don’t _now_. But yes, at some point, we—we—we—were…”

He needed everything to stop spinning.

“Patrick, what’s going on here?” Rachel asked.

“Okay, um, I think I just might need a sec,” David said, anxiety bubbling in his voice. He stood up from the table and made a hasty retreat toward the motel.

He needed to explain.

“David!” he called out, knowing it was a futile attempt to get him to come back. He rushed to follow David to talk to him, passing Rachel on the way. “I’m gonna talk to you in a minute. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

Patrick’s first and only priority was David.

He followed him into his room. David immediately started pacing, his hands to his head. Patrick shut the door behind him.

“David, I need to explain a couple of things,” he said. It was very hard to calm someone who was panicking when he himself was on the verge as well.

“Um, what would be the main one, do you think?” David asked coldly.

The distance between them hurt.

“Rachel and I were engaged, but I called it off before I moved here.”

“Okay, you know what? You don’t need to explain yourself.” He turned away from him.

“I think—I think that I do,” Patrick said defensively. He needed David to understand.

“No, I know you do,” David said, turning back around. “That’s just what I’m supposed to be saying in the moment. Please, continue.”

This was the conversation he feared.

He anticipated having this conversation years down the line, after he and David were married, and he was in the process of convincing David they should have kids. It would come up as some interesting anecdote while they cuddled on their home’s porch swing on a brisk autumn day. It wouldn’t be a big deal.

She was never supposed to be here.

His legs were going to give out.

He sat down on the corner of Alexis’s bed as he gathered his thoughts.

“Okay, um…” How could he explain the messed-up relationship they had? Especially looking into David’s eyes? “We got together when we were in high school. And we’ve been on and off ever since.”

His voice was starting to quake.

“Uh, I don’t know, we always just sorta… fell back into it. Anyway, she’s been reaching out and expecting us to get back together for the past few months—”

“Woah,” David cut him off. “Over the past few months? And you didn’t think to tell me about this?”

Dating Rachel was like this: they would be together for a year or so until Patrick couldn’t fathom the deep unrelenting sadness that lived inside him. He would break up with her and tell her that he needed space. He would try dating other girls in the interim, but he deep down he knew that wasn’t the answer. He wanted to know what a boy’s lips tasted like. It was more than a curiosity. But it wasn’t what he was supposed to want.

She would text him periodically – sometimes actual sentences, but usually jibberish – and he’d text her back, asking why she was contacting him against his wishes. She would say she missed him and loved him and that he was the one for her. It would hurt, hearing her say these things because he did love her. He really did. She was kind and sweet and patient. ‘The kind of girl you marry,’ his dad used to say. So, he’d take her back.

He was a small-town boy who couldn’t explain the disappointment he felt when kissing her or having sex with her. He wanted to love her like in the movies – fiercely and passionately – because that’s what he thought he was supposed to do, but there was always a part of him that knew it wasn’t it for him. That sadness would build and build and build until he couldn’t take it anymore. And then he’d break up with her.

Rinse and repeat.

At some point between high school and now, his father told him it was the lack of solid commitment that kept him from wanting to stay with her. So, at 24 years old, Patrick bought a ring and proposed in the 7-11 parking lot where they lost their virginity to each other. For her, it was a dream come true. For him, it was ripping off a band-aid. It stung and hurt, and the wound never healed.

Since finding David, the wound was finally healing.

Today, the scab had been torn off, leaving him bloody and numb.

He couldn’t fight with David.

He lied. Plain and simple.

“You stood in front of me and told me to trust people,” David said accusingly.

“I know.”

All the times he’d told David to trust him flashed through his mind.

“When I was perfectly fine not trusting people!” he continued. “Not trusting people is what I'm used to! It is my comfort zone. But next thing I know, there's an oversized cookie on my doorstep and you are telling me that I have nothing to worry about.”

“I didn’t want it to affect what we have, okay?” Patrick said as he stood up and stepped closer to David. His heart had suddenly leapt into his throat. “And I mean it when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about. ‘Cause no matter how hard I tried with her, it just never felt right! And up until recently, I didn’t understand why.”

When he met David, it was like someone finally opened all the curtains and let the sunlight in. With David, none of the sadness he’d felt with Rachel was ever there. His heart was so full of joy just thinking about this incredible, beautiful, perfectly imperfect man standing in front of him.

“David, I’ve spent most of my life not knowing what ‘right’ was supposed to feel like, and then I met you. And everything changed,” he professed. “You make me feel right, David.”

David paused, taking it all in.

“That is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard anyone say,” he said softly. “Outside of the Downton Christmas special.”

“It’s the truth,” Patrick said tenderly.

“I know,” David answered. He was coming apart at the seams. “Um, it’s just that my truth is that I am damaged goods. And this has really messed things up for me.”

Patrick knew David was anything but damaged goods. He had a difficult past, but by no means did he deserve to be treated the way he was by anyone who dated him previously. Patrick wanted to hold him and kiss him, show him how special and perfect he was to him.

“And I think I need some time with it,” David finished.

His heart shattered into a million pieces.

“Alright,” he whispered.

Everything in him was screaming to beg and plead David to forgive him. He wanted to go back to before. He wanted to feel the sun on his face again.

But he had to give him his space.

He wasn’t going to be like Rachel.

Ugh. Rachel.

Patrick headed to the door, trying to keep it together, remembering that he still needed to talk to her. He had his hand on the doorknob when he heard David behind him.

“Actually…”

He stopped.

He needed to hear the end of that sentence.

Actually, I don’t need to think about it. Actually, I can’t be without you. Actually, I love you.

“Um, I haven’t had dinner yet, so…”

Of course. It was foolish to think David Rose, of all people, would forgive so easily.

“I’ll grab you a slider,” Patrick said because despite all of this, he cared about David. That would never, ever change. He would do anything for him.

“More than one,” David added. “And some potato salad. And I—I think there were some other sides on the table, but I couldn’t see, so maybe just a smattering of everything.”

It wasn’t what Patrick wanted to hear. But he had to grab David some food because it was his job as David’s boyfriend.

Possibly ex-boyfriend.

That was the sucker punch.

Patrick took in a deep breath.

He had to go. He had to give David space.

“Okay,” he said dutifully before exiting the motel room, leaving David behind.

Patrick had entered the motel room afraid of what might happen. He was leaving with his worst nightmare confirmed.

He could see himself bursting into tears as he slides down David’s front door to sit on the ground, letting the sadness overtake him. But he couldn’t do that. He had an obligation to uphold. David needed to trust him at his word.

He stoically walked back to the barbeque where it was dead silent. Everyone was watching him. Alexis and Rachel sat with the rest of the family, Rachel having taken David’s seat at the table.

Anger bubbled in his stomach.

That was not her seat.

Without a word, he reached around her and took David’s nearly empty plate.

“Patrick—” she said worriedly, delicately touching his arm.

He pulled away as if he’d been burned. And then he let out a laugh.

She was following their pattern to the letter.

“Nope,” he said. “I’m going to take this plate to David first, and then we can talk.” He began filling David’s plate with all the food he asked for, including the condiments Patrick knew he liked on his burgers. “But he comes first.”

As he made his way over to the table with the other sides, he could feel himself starting to shake with all the emotions running through him. Stevie rushed out of her seat to meet him.

“Do you want me to take that to him?” she said softly. He looked up from the plate to her face and her eyes were full of sympathy. If there was anyone in this whole town who he could trust with such a task, it would be Stevie. She loved them both. She was their biggest cheerleader. She understood the struggles of small-town expectations, but also knew David inside and out.

Patrick prayed she wouldn’t pick a side.

“No, I promised him I would bring it to him,” he replied.

Stevie placed her hand comfortingly on his back.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” she whispered. Patrick let out a choked laugh.

He really wasn’t.

“You are,” she repeated as if she could read his mind.

Like he said, biggest cheerleader.

“Thank you,” he replied. He gave her a watery smile before heading back to David’s motel room door.

He knocked softly.

“David, I’ve got your food,” he called through the door. He heard the chain rattle against the wood before the door opened.

David stood there before him, looking as closed off as he did the first day Patrick met him.

Patrick handed him the plate.

“Thank you,” David murmured.

“Anything for you,” Patrick replied.

David gave him a feeble smile before closing the door. Patrick heard the chain slide into its place and then the deadbolt locking.

Completely closed off.

Now was the second hardest part.

He walked to the end of the motel and stopped just under the awning.

“Rachel,” he said seriously.

She got up from the table without a word and joined him on the sidewalk.

“Your room.”

She nodded and took him down to the opposite end of the motel, far away from any of the Roses.

Once the door shut behind her, Rachel finally spoke.

“Patrick, what is going on?”

Patrick sighed deeply.

Was she really so oblivious?

“David is my boyfriend.”

“What?”

“I haven’t been answering your texts or calls because I’m with David.”

The more he spoke, the lighter the weight on his shoulders felt.

“But we’re engaged—”

Patrick laughed.

“No, we’re not,” he said firmly. “I broke up with you for good six months ago. I moved out. I moved here. I got a new job. I started a new business. I haven’t talked to you in any of those six months.”

Rachel folded her arms. She was still trying to process everything Patrick was saying.

“But I’ve been trying to reach out to you. I gave you space and—”

“It’s not for you to decide when I’m done needing space,” he said, offended. “I’ve come back to you because you’ve begged me. And each time I did because I didn’t have anything else. I didn’t know I could have anything else. I was going through the motions and doing what everyone else wanted for me.

“David is who I want,” he stated resolutely. “I love you, Rachel. I always will."

“And I love you, Patrick,” Rachel said kindly.

“But this, between us, isn’t what either of us want. And you deserve someone who isn’t just settling for you,” Patrick said, finally admitting to himself what he had been trying to do with her all along. “You deserve better than this.”

Rachel was silent. She kept glancing around the room, avoiding his gaze, very obviously trying not to cry.

“So, this is really it,” she finally said.

“It is.”

She sniffed loudly.

“Well,” she said. “I guess I should give this back to you.” She dug in her pocket, pulled out her worn engagement ring, and dropped it in his palm. His fingers curled around the warm metal and stones.

It was really official.

They stood there awkwardly. Patrick was unsure of what else to say to her. He felt she deserved more words from him given how long they’d been playing this unhealthy game.

She looked up at him and gave him a tight grin.

“I hope things get better for you and David,” she said earnestly. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

And now it was his turn to start crying.

“Thank you,” he replied. “And I hope you find someone who deserves you. You’d make any man happy.”

“Except you,” Rachel corrected him. They both laughed.

“Yeah, I’ve got my own man to make happy,” he said with a wistful smile.

Rachel teetered on her toes.

“Can I give you a hug?” she asked.

“Yes,” he smiled.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. It felt so strange to be hugging her even though he’d done it thousands of times before.

It made him miss David more. 

He pulled back and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Well, I’m going to go,” he said, meandering toward the door. “Give you some space.”

She laughed.

“Goodbye, Patrick.”

“Goodbye, Rachel.”

With that, he left her motel room.

He peered in the direction of the barbeque. He wanted to go back there and be with the people he considered family, but he wouldn’t be able to handle knowing David doesn’t want to be out there with them.

Instead, he fired off a quick text to Stevie, letting her know he was leaving and that they'll talk later.

He needed to get home to cry, then figure out how he was going to get David back.


	12. texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A texting interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during S04E08 "The Jazzaguy"
> 
> An interlude.

10:10am: _I’m not coming in today.  
_ 10:10am: **I understand.**

10:02am: _I won’t be in today.  
_ 10:03am: **I understand.**

1:14pm: _Stevie invited me to a spa weekend.  
_ 1:14pm: **That sounds like a great idea.  
** 1:15pm: _You think I should go?  
_ 1:15pm: _I could come in and work tomorrow if you want it off.  
_ 1:15pm: **No, you should go.  
** 1:17pm: **You deserve it.**  
1:17pm: _Okay. Thank you._

3:02pm: _You’ll never believe this: the Groupon is for a honeymoon suite.  
_ 3:02pm: **What?!  
** 3:02pm: _Yes! People buy their honeymoons on Groupon!  
_ 3:03pm: _So now we have to pretend we’re newlyweds or else there’s no free booze.  
_ 3:03pm: **Mazel tov.  
** 3:04pm: **What spa is it?  
** 3:04pm: _Crystal Elms Lodge & Spa in Elmdale  
_3:05pm: **So d** **id she take your last name or did you take hers?**  
3:05pm: _I think we both know I certainly did not take hers.  
_ 3:05pm: _David Budd?  
_ 3:05pm: _Gross._

11:48pm: _The bottle of wine was a nice touch.  
_ 11:49pm: **I wanted to celebrate the happy couple.  
** 11:49pm:  _Not too happy. We're getting an annulment. Already gave her back the ring.  
_ 11:49pm:  _I think I can do better.  
_ 11:49pm:  **I agree.** _  
_11:49pm: _She's also sleeping in the tub, but that's for an entirely unrelated reason._ **  
**11:51pm: **Goodnight, David.** _  
_11:51pm: _Goodnight, Patrick._


	13. olive branches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was not the reconciliation Patrick had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!
> 
> Like everyone else, this episode gave me all the feels and now I can't listen to any version of 'Simply The Best' without crying. THANKS, DAN.
> 
> Set during S04E09 "The Gesture"
> 
> Enjoy!

The week following the barbeque was utter torture.

David asked for space. Patrick gave him space. He didn’t see David for days.

They were texting, of which Patrick was grateful. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he couldn’t at least talk to the man who had stolen his heart. It wasn’t anything deep or meaningful, but enough that David still weighed heavy on Patrick’s mind every second of every day.

Texts only went so far. They couldn’t adequately express just how sorry Patrick was, or how much the guilt of lying to David was eating him up. He wanted to smooth things over, go back to how things were before Rachel showed up and upended their lives. He made sure he wouldn’t initiate the conversations, waiting for David to send one to him.

Which, of course, he did after he received every gift Patrick sent him.

If he couldn’t tell David how much he meant to him, he could show him through gifts.

Over the past four months, Patrick had grown accustomed to the kinds of things David enjoyed. David knew neither of them could afford the luxuries he had had prior to moving to Schitt’s Creek, but Patrick could afford things that were still above the town’s standards. Thanks to the internet, Patrick was easily able to purchase chocolates, flowers, candles, cologne, wine… He even bought David a $275 bracelet from Barney’s because it didn’t matter what he had in his savings if he couldn’t spend it on the person he loved.

It was after that gift that he got the text.

6:35pm: _Tomorrow morning. We should talk._

Patrick’s heart soared. David was ready to see him. He had high hopes that it was going to be reconciliation and they were going to get back together. All the gifts and texts had worked!

Gifts and texts.

He hadn’t given David space at all.

He did exactly what he and Rachel used to do which was essentially begging the other person to come back, luring them with gifts. Everything about his relationship with David was supposed to be breaking that cycle and those patterns but he’d fallen right back into his old habits.

What was supposed to be a fantastic day, what with seeing David in person for the first time in a week, Patrick was instead riddled with guilt. He hadn’t respected David’s wishes and he needed to do that to make things right. Being apart from David for longer – if not indefinitely – was surely going to kill him, but it had to be done.

He got to the store at the usual time, knowing David wouldn’t be there until later. Nothing over the last few days had completely gotten Patrick’s mind off of him. It was next to impossible, given the entire store bled with the essence of David Rose. He did what he could to pass the time by restocking the shelves that had been neglected when he went on his online shopping binges. It didn’t matter. Everything he did made the guilty feeling in his stomach worse.

As he was arranging some items on the shelves, he heard the door open.

David.

Patrick’s heart leapt into his throat. He wanted him so much. Wanted to hold him, kiss him, love him, but he needed to not be so desperate.

“Hi,” David said softly as he dropped his bag near the door.

“Hi,” Patrick echoed.

David sighs heavily.

Here it was.

“So, after some time alone,” David began slowly as he approached him. His tone was too kind. It was too calm. He was going to passive-aggressively chastise Patrick, he could tell. “I just wanted to come here and say that I—”

“David, I need to apologize to you,” Patrick interrupted. He needed to get in all that he wanted to say before David could make him hurt more. “I was going to sleep last night, and I realized I have not been respectful of your space. All of the texts and the gifts. Uh, I was upset. And it was reactionary. And I thought I was doing the right thing, but really all I was doing was smothering you when you asked for space. And that’s not right.”

David looked confused.

“Okay,” he said. “‘Smothering’ is a bit intense—”

“It was self-serving, and it was desperate. And I’m… I’m embarrassed.” The stone in Patrick’s stomach sank even lower.

“Okay, there’s no need to feel embarrassed—”

“Well, I am,” he said. David was probably just trying to soften the blow for when he broke up with him. And if Patrick agrees with him outright, then he doesn’t have to hear the motel conversation ringing in his ears. “I’ve just been trying to deal with everything here with the store and I think you’re right. It’s probably better if we just focus on the business and not try to push anything.”

He went into this whole relationship with David with ulterior motives. He always wanted to be more with David than just business partners. They worked really well together and then Patrick had to go and rush them into a romantic relationship so quickly when that was clearly not what David wanted in the first place.

“I’m not sure I said that,” David replied, perplexed.

Patrick could read between the lines.

“You didn’t have to,” he said. “In fact, by saying nothing at all, you spoke volumes.”

David glanced around. Patrick guessed he wasn’t expecting him to be on the same page right off the bat.

“Okay,” David said uncomfortably. “So, you would like to focus on the store, then.”

It was all hitting Patrick really hard. He wanted David more than anyone on Earth and he had to step away.

God, he thought he had cried enough in the last week. The least that could happen is that he could get out of this conversation with some dignity.

“I think that’s probably a good idea,” Patrick said, holding back the tears. “But hey, it’s good to have you back.”

He could at least get a parting hug before the indefinite hiatus of their relationship.

“Oh! Mm,” David said as Patrick hugged him. “Okay, mhm.”

David was stiff and didn’t hug him like they used to. Guess that wasn’t what David wanted at all.

Patrick pulled back and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He tried to look anywhere but David’s face.

“So, uh…” Patrick said dumbly before going back to the wall without another word. He needed to not look at David for a while. The longer he did, the more the tears threatened to come. He was at work. They had customers. He needed to show David that he wasn’t clingy or needy or any of those other desperate words.

He heard David grab his bag and put it in the back room.

It was going to be a really, really long day.

The downside to having an ex in a small town was that there was nowhere for Patrick to go to avoid David. He worked with him. His friends were David’s friends.

So, he retreated into himself, tried to tamper down his feelings every time he looked up and saw him. Customers would come in and Patrick would swoop in and take care of them before David could say anything because it hurt to listen to David passionately explaining the products.

He couldn’t speak to him. He couldn’t stand near him. Hearing his voice or smelling his cologne or feeling the heat from his body was so triggering.

David reached across him for something and Patrick saw the bracelet. The knife in his gut twisted.

Perhaps it came off as rude when Patrick was curt or would intentionally ignore David, but it was for self-preservation. The longer he did it, the easier it would be in the long run, right? He couldn’t pick up and leave like he’d done to Rachel so many times before. He co-owned a business and was deeply invested in the town, not to mention how head over heels he was for his business partner.

Leaving wasn’t an option. Dissociating, however, was.

For the rest of the morning, Patrick had to act like David wasn’t there.

He grabbed a box of hand cream to restock the table and even in his best efforts, he felt David walk over and stand right next to him. Patrick did his best not to look at David by staring off into some middle distance and not focusing on anything but the task at hand. But then he felt David’s hand land on top of his in the box, grabbing it lightly, then batting it away.

Patrick set the hand cream down on the table. This was too much.

“You know what?” he said. “I’m probably good to finish this up—”

“Okay—”

“—before we go for lunch.”

Patrick stared at the table, hoping David would walk away and he could breath. Instead, he felt David staring at him. He looked up.

“What?” he asked brusquely.

“I don’t know! You tell me,” David replied.

“I just did,” he said. “I’m happy to finish doing the creams. I don’t think it’s a two-person job.”

“Okay, so you’re just gonna stay here and not have lunch then, or are we going in shifts?” David asked. He was clearly annoyed by Patrick’s answers.

“I don’t know, David. I’m just trying to be professional here, okay? I think this is gonna take a minute to get used to.” This was killing him.

“I don’t want to get used to this!” David exclaimed.

…what?

“I don’t want to pretend like we’re coworkers,” David continued.

“We _are_ coworkers,” Patrick corrected him.

“Okay,” he said dismissively. “I just liked it better when we were more than that.”

David had effectively broken up with him that morning and literally three hours later he’s changed his mind?

“David, I’m just trying to go off of what you wanted!” Patrick said, obviously frustrated by what he was hearing.

“You wouldn’t let me finish telling you what I wanted!” David argued. “I was ready to get back together days ago!”

It took a second for David’s words to fully register in Patrick’s brain.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Yes!”

“Then why didn’t we?!”

David was trying to find the words.

“I’ve never been in this situation before,” he explained. “Where someone’s been so nice to me… And so generous…” His face was one of someone who had just been caught. Probably because he was.

Patrick was in shock.

“I’m sorry, were you holding back on talking to me because you were getting gifts?” Patrick asked incredulously.

“…I was very upset and confused,” he said. “So, upset, that I barely finished the chocolates.”

Patrick could see the giddiness he felt reflected in David’s face as he tried not to smile. There was this joyous relief in knowing they were falling back into business as usual.

That was not to say David was absolved of Patrick’s frustration.

“David, this wasn’t meant to be some advent calendar of apologies,” Patrick clarified. “It was like an olive branch to get you to talk to me.” It certainly explained why David not only texted him after he received one of the gifts, but also more after the gifts from the last couple days.

“I guess, I just didn’t know how many olive branches you were planning on extending,” David said.

“Ideally, one.”

“Well, now I know.”

“Yeah, and now I know, that while I was torturing myself, you were sitting at home, opening gifts,” Patrick said. He reached out and touched David’s wrist. “I see you like the bracelet.”

“I love the bracelet. Thank you,” David said quietly, then hopefully, “Um… does this mean that we are back together?” He walked his fingers up Patrick’s chest to his shoulders.

The answer was always yes, but this was Patrick’s time to be petty.

“You know what?” Patrick said. “I feel like now maybe I deserve an olive branch or two?”

David pulled his hands back.

“Okay, I understand that,” he said before reaching back to touch Patrick’s shirt collar. “What if I gave you back some of the olive branches that you gave to me?”

Just when Patrick thought David couldn’t say anything more incredible.

“I was lying about the chocolates,” David added. “I ate them all. But I’m sure there are some flowers that are still alive.”

Patrick had to take a moment to process all of this. He bent down and leaned his elbow on the table. He spent the last week fearing David would break up with him permanently and had prepared for the extremely painful heartbreak to follow. There was so much relief in knowing that wasn’t a possibility. David wanted to be with him.

But David _used_ him. He was happy to give David gifts, but not when it came at the expense of his own sanity. David was trying to see what he could get out of Patrick’s guilt, which, okay, Patrick could understand, but to do it longer than necessary was selfish.

Yet it wasn’t enough for Patrick to say no to David. Sure, he was selfish sometimes, but he also made Patrick feel alive with how he was exactly himself. David never tried to be different for anyone else. Why would Patrick have expected anything different? This was the most David Rose way of getting back with him and it’s why Patrick loved him so much.

Buuuuut David still needed to learn a lesson.

“You know what I’m gonna do?” Patrick said as he stood up and took David’s face in his hands.

“Mhm?” David’s eyes were alight with joy. It would be so easy to kiss him right now.

“I’m gonna go to lunch and you’re gonna sit here and think about what you’ve done,” he told him. His voice was low and sure. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Patrick couldn’t tell if David didn’t take him seriously or if he was just happy to be back together. Either way, he patted David on the shoulder and headed toward the door for lunch.

“Um, while you’re at lunch, can you get me some lunch?” David called after him.

Really?

“Unbelievable,” was all Patrick said before he closed the door behind him, leaving David alone in the store.

The fresh air was perfect as he walked across the intersection to Café Tropical. He felt his guilt slip away with every step he took. It was replaced by a weird concoction of joy and anger. The only sentence that could accurately describe how Patrick was feeling was, ‘I’m mad at my boyfriend.’

There was no world where they wouldn’t take each other back. Patrick’s fear was ridiculous. He had been comparing his experience with Rachel to his experience with David. The whole reason he was even dating David was because he wanted something different, and what he got was the polar opposite of what he had.

“Oh, hey, Patrick,” Twyla said as he entered the café. It was a relatively late lunch, yet the restaurant was nearly full. “Take-out or table for two?”

“Counter seat for one, actually,” he said. She gave him an interested look before pulling a menu from the box. They very rarely ate in for lunch and never alone.

“Right over here, then.” She led him to a counter seat near the back. “What’s going on?”

Patrick folded his hands on the countertop.

“Well, David and I are back together,” he said, slightly annoyed.

“You don’t sound happy about that,” she noted.

“Well, I would be happier if I hadn’t discovered we could have been together days earlier, but someone wanted to see what kind of gifts he’d get.” Twyla grimaced.

“Yikes,” she said. “I’ve been there. It is not great. Um, I can give you a slice of carrot cake on the house? Maybe to ease the pain?”

“That sounds perfect,” Patrick replied. “But can you box it up? I want to eat it in front of him later.”

“Great idea.” She gave him a thumbs-up. “The usual?”

“Yes, please.”

“Coming right up.”

Patrick settled on his stool, glancing around at the other folks in the café. It felt so strange to be sitting there without David. They had had many date nights that started here, only to end at the drive-in, making out in the backseat of Patrick’s car. The booth where they had their first date would always hold a special place in his heart. It was a first for so many reasons, mostly because it was the first time Patrick truly said yes to himself, that this was who he was.

He was a man who was attracted to men – specifically, he was attracted to a tall, bushy-browed Jewish man who had an opinion on everything and wore leather sweaters in the dead of summer, who was endlessly creative in both art and ways to surprise him, who was afraid to show his heart to others but when he did, one would discover it was kind and compassionate and beautiful.

“Here you go,” Twyla said, breaking Patrick from his reverie. She slid his salad across the counter with a set of silverware and a small to-go container. “Here’s that slice of carrot cake. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Patrick sighed contentedly.

“Can I also get David’s usual to go?” he asked. He considered asking Twyla to put it on David’s tab, but it didn’t seem fair to _make_ David pay for food he didn’t know he was getting. If David offered to pay him back, that was another story.

Twyla smiled. “Of course.”

She left him alone at the end of the counter where he took a long, luxurious lunch. He nabbed a forgotten newspaper from a couple seats down. It was really lovely to read about the news in ink on paper as opposed to his phone, which was buzzing with texts from David asking when he was going to be back.

Once he had read the paper front to back, Patrick felt it was finally time to leave. He paid, and Twyla gave him a bag with both David’s lunch and the carrot cake in it. It was strange to be returning to work at this point. At no stage in his life had Patrick ever taken an hour for lunch. But, seeing as he was teaching David a lesson, it was worth it.

Patrick returned to the store to find David ringing out a customer. Their eyes met, and David smiled. It was one of those smiles that was only reserved for him and it made Patrick thank God for reconciliation, as rocky as it was.

The customer left, and Patrick replaced them at the counter. He put the food between them.

“What is this?” David said as Patrick unloaded the boxes.

“Your lunch,” Patrick answered. David gazed fondly at him.

“Thank you.” He pointed to the smaller box. “What’s in there?”

“This,” he said, opening the box, “is sympathy cake. Twyla felt bad that my boyfriend used my guilt to get presents.”

He picked up the plastic fork from the bag and took a huge bite of cake. The carrot cake wasn’t his favorite, yet he closed his eyes and moaned in pleasure because he knew how much _David_ loved the carrot cake and Patrick was feeling petty. When he opened his eyes, he saw David staring at him with a defeated look in his eyes.

“You know what? I deserved that,” David said. Patrick gave him a satisfied grin. Good. He got the idea.

Patrick polished off the entire slice of cake without another word from David.

The rest of the day went by fairly normally. There wasn’t as much touching or flirty banter, but it was certainly better than it was in the morning.

All day Patrick wondered what David’s olive branch would be, what he would gift him with. David seemed to have decided based on the knowing grins he would give Patrick from across the store. It both excited and unnerved him. His biggest fear was that it wouldn’t at all be comparable to what he’d given David and that David was getting excited over nothing.

Finally, it was time to close the store for the day. David had yet to deliver on his olive branch, though he was very helpful all day. He offered to do far more than he usually did which was a lovely change. (Certainly something Patrick would love as a permanent change.)

Patrick locked the door and flipped the front door sign over to ‘closed’. He turned around to see David lingering by the shelves.

“Okay, David,” Patrick said evenly. “Well, I’m gonna go have dinner if you wanted to join me. And pay for it. That would be a start.” He knew David was good for it and he definitely owed him. It would be a small olive branch he was happy to receive.

David picked up one of their wooden chairs against the wall and placed it in the middle of the aisle, so it was facing the rear of the store.

“You know, maybe I could do that,” David replied. He walked toward the back of the store while gesturing for Patrick to sit. “I just think I have something to do first. So…”

“What is this?” Patrick asked. He was genuinely confused as to what was happening. What was David doing? Regardless, he apprehensively took a seat.

David spun around.

“Consider this my olive branch.”

He turned back to where they kept the iPod with the store’s music and bent down, presumably to change something. Patrick watched him nervously.

The store was silent, then the sound of electric piano filled the room.

Patrick drew in a breath.

He knew this song.

David turned back around and slowly walked toward Patrick, shimmying his shoulder so slightly to the beat.

The lyrics were about to start.

There was cause for concern. As Patrick had discovered at Asbestos Fest, David was not the best singer. He cared about David, he really did, but was he really going to sing?

Then he saw David’s lips move but Tina’s voice flowing through the speakers.

_I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire_

He looked ridiculous, lip-syncing and dancing, but it was the most wonderful thing Patrick had ever seen.

David got low, still moving his shoulders and crept closer to Patrick.

_You come to me, come to me wild and wired_

Patrick’s heart skipped a beat as David’s face came near his. He closed his eyes in anticipation of a kiss… that didn’t happen. Instead, he deflected and stood up, still dancing. Patrick couldn’t help but smile. What a tease.

_Oh, you come to me  
_ _Give me everything I need_

David swept around behind the chair, gently touching Patrick’s back as he did, before coming back in front of him. It all felt slightly choreographed, but Patrick knew there was no way David would have come up with this while he was at lunch.

Then he remembered what David said in the car those months ago.

_“I love this song. I would blast it full volume and my mom would say she could hear it from the other side of the house.”_

He could suddenly see teenage David, doing this exact choreography alone in his bedroom. It was so pure and raw.

_Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams  
Speak the language of love like you know what it means_

_“I always wished I had someone who made me feel the way she did during that performance.”_

This was David at his most vulnerable. He was letting Patrick really see _him._

_Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe_

And if Patrick was seeing him dance like this, that meant anyone walking past could. He quickly glanced back at the windows, checking for passersby.

“You know people can see you, right?” he asked playfully.

_You're simply the best_

David didn’t care. He was doing this for Patrick and didn’t care who knew how he made him feel.

_Better than all the rest  
_ _Better than anyone, anyone I ever met_

The chorus picked up and David’s dancing grew more frenetic. He danced around Patrick like they were the only two people in the world.

_I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say_

Patrick laughed.

_Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead_

He loved him.

_Each time you leave me I start losing control  
_ _You're walking away with my heart and my soul_

He loved David so much.

Then David got down on his knees in front of Patrick, holding his knees, lip-syncing so passionately.

_Oh, baby, don’t let go!_

This was the best olive branch he could’ve asked for.

Patrick pumped his fists in the air as the sax solo began. David stood up and held out a hand. He took it, joining David on his makeshift dance floor. They danced independently of each other, watching the other with so much joy.

As the sax solo ended and Tina began singing again, David put a hand on Patrick’s waist and drew him in. He took his other hand and lovingly cradled it against his chest, leading Patrick in the slow dance he wished for when he was in high school.

_You're simply the best, better than all the rest_

Teenage Patrick was swooning.

_Better than anyone, anyone I ever met_

Neither of them could stop smiling.

_I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say_

David stopped lip-syncing in favor of resting his forehead against Patrick’s. Their noses brushed against one another’s, and Patrick could feel his heart racing.

_Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead_

And then David kissed him so sweetly, so tenderly, that it took Patrick’s breath away.

They stayed like that, gently swaying and kissing, until the song faded out and the next 80s slow jam began.

David drew back to rest his forehead against Patrick’s, and Patrick was finally able to breathe. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to take everything in. He was dancing to Tina Turner with his boyfriend in the store they co-owned. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“Do you accept my olive branch?” David asked softly.

“I do,” Patrick answered. There was no world in which he would say no. He never wanted to leave this moment, wrapped up with David.

David hummed contentedly before leaning in and kissing Patrick again, just as he did before.

“I have an idea,” David said. “Instead of going to the café, we order some food for delivery. On me.” Patrick chuckled.

“Perfect. I wasn’t ready to leave yet anyway,” Patrick replied. He kissed David again, just because he could.


	14. baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick was not surprised David doesn't like babies. He is surprised he's throwing Jocelyn's baby shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extreme delay, folks! Passover threw me off and then depression followed it. But I did get it done before tomorrow's episode! I'll probably throw in a little somethin'-somethin' to cover 'The Rollout' because I had an idea and y'all deserve it due to the wait.
> 
> Set during S04E10 "Baby Sprinkle"
> 
> Enjoy!

Patrick was so happy. Things had been really good since David’s olive branch. Everything had reverted back to normal, possibly even better. David started showing up before the store opened which gave birth to a new morning routine: David would greet Patrick with a long, tender kiss that made his heart want to burst, then they would walk hand-in-hand to the café to pick up their coffees. Once they were back at the store, there’d be more light flirting and kissing before they finally flipped over the sign.

After easily the worst week of his life, Patrick was never letting a moment pass where he could be showing David how much he loved him. Thankfully, David was on the same page.

So, it was understandable when Patrick got the notification the shipment of organic honey was delayed until the next morning, he was disappointed. They had been completely out for a week since the weather had taken a turn for the worse and it rained almost every day. The honey had a high mark-up and with folks getting sick from the weather, it was in high demand. With great reluctance, he had to break their new routine and pick it up from the post office in Elmdale or it would be another day of waiting.

He arrived back at the store not too long after opening – there was a line at the post office thanks to the weather delays – and David was already on the phone with someone.

“Okay, and can that be delivered by tonight?” David said into the phone. “Okay, perfect. Thank you very much.” He hung up the phone as Patrick approached, putting the box down on the counter.

“What’s going on?” he asked before taking in David’s sweater. ‘Wild Aloof Rebel’ were certainly three words to describe David.

“Well, um, Jocelyn came in here this morning looking like Adam Sandler on a red carpet. Poor thing is planning her own baby shower,” he explained. “So, I volunteered to help.”

Patrick was… surprised. And impressed. But mostly surprised. He wondered what David’s ulterior motive was. He’s not one to just _offer_ to help without some sort of favor in return, especially organizing a baby shower of all things.

“Wow. That’s very generous of you,” he said as he stepped away from the counter.

“Yeah. Thought it would be a good opportunity to promote the store,” David said. It was not the answer Patrick was expecting. “So, Heather’s supplying some of her cheeses – not at cost, but she’s giving us a deal. And I thought we could bring some wine from the store and Colleen’s express-shipping a branzino, so…”

Heather’s cheeses? Wine? Branzino?

“It’s sounding a bit… expensive, David.”

“Well, we haven’t talked budget yet, but I’m assuming that Jocelyn’s wanting to spend _some_ money on her baby shower.”

Oh no. David didn’t know.

“I’m assuming that Jocelyn’s planning on spending _no_ money on her baby shower,” Patrick corrected him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, technically, the person who _throws_ the baby shower _pays_ for the shower.”

“Well, that wasn’t part of the agreement.” David clearly felt duped.

“What did you say to her?”

“I told her I’d take care of it.”

“Ah.”

There it was. For a man who attended and loved any sort of party, Patrick was surprised David didn’t know how baby showers worked. Then again, it was highly unlikely anyone in David’s previous circle of friends would have asked him to organize their baby shower.

“She basically forced me into it!” David said indignantly. “This isn’t even her first baby!”

“Oh, so it’s more of a ‘sprinkle’, then.”

“What the hell is a ‘sprinkle’?”

“It’s like a shower, but for your second kid,” he explained. “It’s not a full shower. It’s like a… sprinkle.”

Patrick had a cousin who had a baby sprinkle just a year or so ago. It was a subdued affair, given her first child was only 18 months old and they already had a lot of the necessary baby stuff. Of course, people brought new toys and new clothes and diapers – oh so many diapers. Much like a drizzle to a downpour, the baby sprinkle didn’t have the same panache as the first shower.

“That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” David said bluntly. Patrick had to agree, but he couldn’t get on board with David’s plans for Jocelyn regardless of what they were calling it.

“Uh, also booze and fish? Not ideal for a pregnant woman.”

“Well, she’s one person,” David defended. “And everyone knows you don’t plan a whole party around one person.”

Okay, now David was stretching it.

“Maybe you do if the party is _for_ her…?” Patrick said quizzically.

“Says who?”

Patrick raised his eyebrows in incredulity. David was being this obtuse because he wasn’t getting his way. That needed to stop.

“Fine!” he relented. “Worst case scenario: she grazes at the soft cheese station.”

His boyfriend was truly incredible sometimes.

“Are you sure that she can eat that?” Patrick asked as he picked up the box of honey and went to the back of the store to shelve the product.

“This is why I hate babies,” David called after him. Patrick did wonder something, though.

“Do you ever want kids someday?” Patrick asked. He was a little nervous for the answer. He had spent the last ten years discussing children with Rachel and so it became a very certain thing he wanted for his life. Nothing insane, but the traditional 2.5 sounded perfect. Two on purpose, three as a happy accident.

“Not really,” he said. “I’d only want them when they’re like, 6 years old. Skip all the baby stuff.”

“You’re describing adoption, David.”

“No, I know,” he said. “I’d still want them to be related to me. Blame it on the Jewish thing.”

Patrick was confused; it showed on his face.

“Okay, here’s the thing,” David continued. “Making the baby sounds like a lot of fun. Very into that. And I guess pregnant women have this certain _glow_ about them that is beautiful or whatever. But then I’d want to fast-forward through all the poopy diapers and screaming and lack of sleep and have them be 6 years old, so I don’t have to deal with any of that… stuff.”

“…you know that’s not a thing, right?” Patrick asked.

“Which is why it’s just easier to say no, I don’t want kids.”

“Ah.”

Even though he had assumed correctly that David didn’t want kids, it wasn’t easy to hear it confirmed.

“Do _you_ want kids?” David asked carefully as if he already knew Patrick’s answer.

“Um, yeah, I do,” he replied. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t look at him. All this baby talk was making him picture a mini-David running around the store, who Patrick could teach baseball and they could mold into a fearless individual.

David was silent for a moment, then said, “Well, maybe we can revisit this conversation in a few years.”

Patrick looked back over at David. He was chewing on his lip and slightly slouched, which were signs that he was serious, albeit unsure about what he just said. Patrick smiled.

“I’d like that.”

David smiled softly.

“Great,” he replied before turning back to his paperwork on the counter. “Now, what the fuck are we going to do at this baby shower—”

“Sprinkle.”

“We are _not_ calling it that.”

* * *

 

Patrick was _tired_. They hadn’t even made it to Jocelyn’s yet and his reserves for David’s party planning were nearly depleted. He loved David, he really did, but when he was in panic mode, it was nearly impossible to keep him calm. Patrick had become really good at calming him (he learned a lot of great tricks from Stevie) and yet, no amount of kissing or shoulder massages could release the tension he was carrying. The best he could do at this point was to just be there for him.

Before heading over to Jocelyn’s with all the shower supplies, David insisted on stopping at home and changing his clothes. Patrick dutifully waited in the car. When David emerged in what appeared to be a jumpsuit, he wasn’t sure if this was the best look for a baby shower.

“You know you don’t have to dress up like a baby for a baby shower, right?” Patrick asked him sarcastically as he sat down in the car.

“Okay, this is Givenchy, and I’ve literally had no other situation where this was remotely appropriate,” he said.

“And this is that situation?”

David gave him a long hard stare in full knowledge Patrick was right. His eyes flicked down briefly to Patrick’s sweater, then back up.

“I want to make a comment on your outfit, but I really do love that sweater on you,” David said in a critical tone.

Patrick patted David’s thigh and smiled.

“I know.”

* * *

 

As they pulled into the Schitt family driveway, Jocelyn opened the door and waved for them to come in. Patrick grabbed the box of supplies from the backseat and followed David into the house.

The house was precisely what one would expect from Roland and Jocelyn: a lot of wood paneling, browns and oranges, and many, _many_ tchotchkes. On top of that, the Schitts had apparently started on baby shower decorations with crepe streamers and a large banner that read ‘It’s a Boy!’. Patrick made a beeline for the kitchen counter to set the box down.

“Welcome, boys!” Jocelyn said as she greeted them from the living room. “I can’t thank you enough for jumping in like this.”

“Oh, it’s our pleasure,” Patrick said with a smile.

“Okay,” David said as he surveyed the space. “Um, so what’s going on here?”

“I thought I would do what I could to get a jumpstart on the decorations,” she explained cheerfully.

“Here’s the thing, Jocelyn,” David began. Judging by his tone, Patrick knew Jocelyn would probably come to regret asking David. He made his way down to the pair and placed a kind hand on David’s shoulder. “When you asked me to throw this event, you were essentially handing over creative control. Considering our name’s going to be all over this, I think it’s important to streamline the aesthetic direction we’re taking for tonight.” David was being as kind as he could be, and yet Jocelyn looked deflated.

“Well, I guess I could move some of the balloons…” she said.

“That could be good. We could move those maybe to the garbage?” David said, looking to Patrick. “We’re also going to need to dropcloth the interiors.”

Patrick had to keep reminding himself that this was _David_ who was asked to host the event and he was there just as an extra set of hands and David’s anxiety sponge.

The front door swung open and in bounded Roland, carrying what was possibly the most horrifying thing Patrick had ever seen in his life.

“Okay, guys! You ready? Where do you want me to hang the piñata?” Roland asked excitedly.

“I’m sorry,” Patrick finally piped up. “Is that supposed to be a baby?”

Yeah. Horrifying.

“Yeah! It’s pretty realistic, isn’t it? I got it at the dollar store in Elmdale,” he explained. “I didn’t even have to pay for it. They just gave it to me.” Jocelyn looked so pleased at her husband’s savvy.

“Yeah, don’t think we can smash a baby with a stick tonight,” David remarked bluntly.

“But… it’s not a real baby, Dave,” Roland said as if what David said was the most ridiculous part of this conversation.

“The fact you got it from the dollar store does make me wary of what’s going to fall out of it, though?” David said. He had a point.

“Don’t worry, Rolly,” Jocelyn said with a smile. “We’re still going to play the diaper game.”

David shot a look back at Patrick.

“Ah, good!” Roland said.

David raised his hand.

“Hi! What’s the diaper game?”

“Oh my gosh! It is so fun!” Jocelyn told him. “We played it at Mutt’s baby shower.”

“Basically,” Roland started. “You melt different chocolate bars into different diapers and then people take turns guessing what kind—”

Patrick thought he was going to be sick.

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there,” David interrupted. “I will literally do anything for us to not play that game.”

“Well, I’m getting nervous, because we’re going to need some sort of entertainment, David,” Jocelyn said, clearly getting frustrated by David’s constant dismissals.

“Well, then I will come up with some games that don’t involve sniffing a diaper,” David assured her.

“You don’t just sniff it,” Roland corrected him.

“No, you don’t,” Jocelyn added.

“Oh my god.” David walked away, completely stunned by the conversation he just had. Roland and Jocelyn had somehow successfully made everything worse than it already was. In that moment, Patrick resolved that he was never leaving David’s side for fear he would say yes to planning any parties for literally anyone else.

The best course of action would be to get Jocelyn and Roland to leave the room, so David could panic for an audience of one.

“Hey, Jocelyn,” Patrick said with a charming smile, stepping in the fill the spot David left. “Why don’t you get ready, get changed, and we’ll take good care of the place?” If there was anything Patrick had learned in working with David for so many months, is that he was skilled at smoothing out David’s edges and making things better for customers and in this case, the mayor’s pregnant wife.

“I am ready,” Jocelyn said, completely serious.

Ah, shit.

Patrick took a second to regroup. That was not at all what he anticipated given what she was wearing and how her hair looked. His standards for appearance must have risen after hanging around the Roses so much.

“And you look great,” he replied, his smile faltering. “Do you want to have a seat? Relax?”

“Sure, I guess.”

Patrick followed her over to the couch where she sat down with an ‘oof’. Meanwhile, David surveyed the room.

“Okay, is this vase movable?” he asked Roland who was still holding that hideous piñata.

“Uh, no, that there is grandpa’s ashes,” he replied, almost mildly offended at the inquiry. “And no, you can not move it. It’s bolted down. There’s been a lot of urn thefts lately.” The look on David’s face was indicative of how little David liked that answer. “I’ll tell you what. I will get my ratchet and see what I can do for you, okay? You hold baby— go ahead.”

Roland passed the horrifying piñata to David who groaned as he had to become up close and personal with the malformed papier mache. Roland disappeared to another part of the house and David was left to wander helplessly, his sanity barely hanging on by a thread. Patrick wanted to help him, but honestly? He had no idea how.

“Was this a mistake?” Jocelyn asked woefully from the couch.

“Oh, probably,” he said. His tiredness had officially worn away at his filter. “But we’re here now.”

“Yup,” she said, staring vacantly into the room.

David paced the room, still carrying the piñata.

“Where do I put this fucking thing?” he asked himself loudly. Patrick met David halfway to the kitchen. He gingerly put his hand on David’s elbow, stopping him.

“David, why don’t I take this from you and find a place for it?” he asked as he took the piñata by its string.

“I don’t think you have enough time before the party to drive that thing down to the river,” David said.

“I was going to put it in the trunk of my car, so we can destroy it later.”

“Fire and fury, exactly. Thank you.” David gave him a quick peck on the lips before Patrick exited out the front door. It was rare that Patrick was on the same page as David when it came to quaint things, but the piñata could only be destroyed through extreme measures. It’d be a great stress-reliever for after the party. That is, if they survive the party.

* * *

 

The Schitts had invited what felt like every person who ever resided in Schitt’s Creek. For being a small town, there were a lot of faces Patrick didn’t recognize. They were more than likely folks Roland met at the Elmdale Applebee’s and just invited them within a five-minute conversation. It was entirely possible.

David was a great host. Not that Patrick was surprised, but he mingled with the other party guests well, directing them to where the bathroom was, answering innocuous questions for Jocelyn, and generally checking in with everyone. He definitely got that gene from his mother, who Patrick was chatting with in the corner.

“So, you put it in the trunk of your car?” Moira asked.

“Yup,” Patrick said before taking a swill of beer. “It’s safest for everyone if it stays there and no one else sees it.”

“Fair enough. John once gave me a gift like that. But it couldn’t breathe in the trunk, so I had to let it out a certain point.”

Patrick didn’t want to ask what that thing was, nor did he have a chance to before David started speaking.

“Okay, now this game is called ‘Sleepy Mommy’,” he said loudly. “Jocelyn’s sitting on the couch. She’s our Sleepy Mommy. Now, Mommy’s had a very hard day with baby and needs a bit of a break. And that’s where we come in.” He takes a white candy out of the dish in his hand. “We’re going to each take turns popping pills into Mommy’s mouth. Now, unfortunately these are breath mints. We couldn’t afford actual benzos, but the person who does get the most tranqs into Mommy’s mouth will walk away with whatever’s left of the soft cheese station.”

The whole room was atwitter, excited about the potential prize available to them. Patrick knew it was mostly so they didn’t have to take all that cheese home. It wasn’t bad cheese. There was just only so much brie one person could consume before turning into brie themselves.

Johnny stepped up.

“I’ll go.”

“Okay!” David said as he passed Johnny the bowl. He made a beeline to stand with Patrick and Moira in the corner. He looked pleased, and he should be. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including Jocelyn who had only left her spot on the couch to use the bathroom a couple times.

“Boy, these have a bit more weight to them than the usual pills,” Johnny said, holding a mint in his hand. Roland joined him, taking a mint out of the bowl too.

“Well, you know, Johnny, that weight might actually work in your favor if you take into consideration the humidity in here,” he said.

“Wow, well, thank you, Roland.” Mr. Rose never seemed thrilled when Roland was around.

“Just relax.”

Jocelyn opened her mouth. Johnny tossed the first mint and it hit Jocelyn’s teeth with a loud _click_.

“Why does this game feel vaguely familiar?” Moira asked the pair of them quietly as they watched Johnny and Roland take turns.

“You invented it,” David said. “We played it a lot growing up.” There were aspects of David’s childhood that Patrick found alarming and tragic. It was comforting to know that the Roses were now in a much better place, but that was still a game only children of a wealthy dissociated mother would play.

“I can’t remember playing.”

“That’s because we got very good at it. I remember Alexis got one in from across the room once.” David mimicked tossing a pill.

Johnny missed again, landing one in Jocelyn’s hair. The game had sad beginnings, but now was a weird baby shower game – and was _definitely_ better than the diaper game.

“I gotta hand it to you, David,” Patrick said. “It’s a little unconventional, but people seem to be really into this.”

“Hey Dave,” Roland called out from the middle of the room where he and Johnny were still playing. “Do I get an extra point if I can bounce one off her forehead?”

“Yeah, we need some clarity on the point system, David,” Johnny added. “Because I’ve landed three in Jocelyn’s bangs and that’s gotta count for something.”

David points to his mouth, then said, “Or nothing.”

Johnny looked disappointed.

“Really?”

“Okay, Johnny,” Roland said, giving him another mint. “On three. One, two…”

Johnny and Roland tossed the mints at the same time. By some miracle or act of God, both mints landed in Jocelyn’s mouth. The whole room erupted in cheers.

* * *

 

Understandably, the game took a while, but Twyla ended up winning, attributing her success to shooting creamers from behind the counter into a pitcher across the restaurant. Apparently, she had also been on the high school girls’ basketball team, which made more sense.

The last of the guests had finally left, and just as Patrick and David started picking up, Roland shooed them out of the house. Jocelyn had already gone upstairs, tired from all the excitement, and he said he’d take care of the cleaning since they had done all this work on such short notice. They were both grateful for the reprieve. The whole day had taken a toll on both David and Patrick for very different reasons.

“See you later, boys! Drive safe!” Roland called from the porch as they got into the car. They both waved and smiled goodbye in return.

As soon as the doors were shut, the smiles were gone.

“Oh god, I’m so tired,” Patrick said, resting his forehead on the steering wheel as he started the car.

“And we’ve still got that papier mache hellspawn in the trunk,” David reminded him.

“Can we destroy it tomorrow?” he asked. “I’d like to return this stuff to the store and decompress there.”

“Mm, agreed.”

The car was silent for a minute or two as they sped down the country road. David reached over and took Patrick’s hand in his.

“Thank you for all your help today,” he said warmly.

“Of course,” Patrick replied genuinely. He squeezed David’s hand.

“And I promise ours won’t be nearly as stressful.”

At first, he wasn’t sure if David knew what he was saying, but then he saw the delicate smile on David’s lips. He knew.

“I hope not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had to explain why David changed his clothes. XD


	15. calamine lotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during S04E11 "The Rollout"

11:48am: _You’re never allowed to leave ever again.  
_ 11:48am: **What happened?  
** 11:51am: **David  
** 11:51am: **What’s going on?  
** 11:55am: **Okay I’m leaving the conference and coming back ASAP  
** 11:55am: _No! You don’t have to come back  
_ 11:55am: _I’d actually prefer if you didn’t  
_ 11:56am: **Okay…?**  
11:56am: _Ugh_  
11:56am: _Okay_  
11:56am: _I have this rash on my face_  
11:57am: _That according to my dad and Stevie’s arms_  
11:57am: _Is due to the new shipment of lotion we got_  
11:57am: **WHAT?!**  
11:58am: _Apparently they changed the ingredients and now I’m breaking out and Stevie’s got the same rash all over her arms_  
11:59am: _I’m hideous, Patrick._  
11:59am: **I doubt that. Can you send me a picture?**  
11:59am: _And have permanent documentation of this?_  
12:00pm: _Absolutely not._  
12:00pm: **Well, pull it from the shelf immediately**  
12:00pm: **I’ll leave before the last panel**  
12:00pm: **And I’ll be back in time that we can start crisis control**  
12:01pm: **How much did you sell?**  
12:01pm: _Not a lot. Mostly just to my dad at the motel to put in all the rooms. Hence, Stevie having the rash._  
12:02pm: _And my dad wants to pull his account with us._  
12:02pm: **Shit. Okay. We’ll figure it out when I get back. Lunch just ended and I need to get in there for this networking thing.**  
12:03pm: _I’ll send you updates._  
12:03pm: **Thank you. <3 **

1:18pm: _My dad’s an idiot._  
1:18pm: _It wasn’t the lotion._  
1:25pm: **Oh thank god**  
1:25pm: **What was it?**  
1:26pm: _He picked poison oak and put in vases at the motel._  
1:26pm: _Upside, I know what poison oak looks like now._  
1:26pm: _Downside, I have a poison oak rash on my face that I think my dad tried to insinuate was an STD earlier._  
1:27pm: **Oh, David…**  
1:27pm: **There should be some at my place, but I’ll pick up more calamine lotion on my way home.**  
1:27pm: _Thank you._  
1:28pm: **Thank god it’s not the lotion.**  
1:28pm: _THANK GOD_  
1:28pm: _I was in the middle of taking Brenda to task when my dad told me._  
1:29pm: _Poor woman got an earful_  
1:29pm: **I bet.**  
1:29pm: _I told him I cancelled his account with us, but instead I’m just taking away his family discount_  
1:30pm: _It’s punishment enough._  
1:30pm: **Good idea.**  
1:36pm: **I think I’m going to leave the conference early.**  
1:36pm: _Yeah?_  
1:36pm: **Yeah, I studied the topics covered in the last couple panels in college.**  
1:36pm: **It’s going to be up on the website later, too.**  
1:37pm: **Besides, my boyfriend needs calamine lotion.**  
1:37pm: _Can you also get a Phantom of the Opera mask?_  
1:37pm: **That bad, huh?**  
1:39pm: _[photo attachment]_  
1:39pm: **I’ll see what I can find at Target.**  
1:39pm: **Be home in 2 hrs**


	16. love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick tells David he loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Since that was the season finale, I figured I could take my time. lol
> 
> Notice that the rating for this fic bumped up with this chapter. It gets dirty because ya boi wanted to give y'all something good.
> 
> Set during S04E12 "Singles' Week"
> 
> Enjoy!

Single folks were descending upon Schitt’s Creek in a steady stream for the town’s first official Singles’ Week. The schedule of events was rigorous and reminded Patrick of his days at summer camp. From morning til late there were events for all the singles to meet and mingle. It was a bit ambitious for a first year, but hey, these folks were here to meet someone and any opportunity to talk to others was a plus.

Patrick watched the café from the windows of the store, seeing how many people had shown up for the week. He was impressed. Several folks had stopped in the store to purchase toothbrushes and other amenities. And others had purchased some of the more interesting products David ordered for the week: water-based lubricant, pheromone spray, and an obscene number of flavored condoms. (Patrick blushed when he opened that box. He’d used condoms before, but having David standing on the other side of the box made his body flush in a way he wasn’t expecting.) He didn’t check with Patrick if any of these orders were in the budget (answer: they weren’t), but David assured him they’d sell. As someone who had been perpetually single, David said, they’d want these.

Patrick wouldn’t have known. He had never needed to attend singles functions. He met Rachel in high school and that was that. When they broke up for the last time, Patrick was intent on staying single as long as possible, exploring who he was by himself. But then two months later he became absolutely smitten with the most beautiful and interesting man he’d ever met in his life. By the third voicemail, he knew he was in love.

Speaking of.

He was checking the massage oils that had arrived that morning when the bell rang. Patrick turned to see David with a large box, trying to get through the door. He looked ridiculous as he struggled to fit his large body and the box in the small doorway. Patrick could’ve helped him, but then he would’ve missed the show.

Once David was through the door, Patrick asked sarcastically, “Have you been going to the gym? Because that looked effortless.”

David set the box on the counter.

“It’s a very awkwardly shaped box,” he said. “But yes, I have and thank you for noticing.”

Patrick had a thousand questions about David’s current gym membership, but it was not nearly as pressing as whatever was in this box. He hoped it wasn’t yet another thing he wanted to sell for Singles’ Week. Patrick drew the line at lingerie.

“What is this?” Patrick asked.

“This is a box of dog sweaters that Alexis has asked me to drop off at Ted’s pet adoption thing for Singles’ Week,” David explained. That was a lot of dog sweaters.

“So, what’s it doing here, then?” he asked warily. He had a feeling he already knew the answer.

David paused uncomfortably before saying, “I was just wondering what your day was looking like.”

Yup.

“I’m not dropping the box off,” Patrick said immediately and firmly. He would do a lot of things for him, but Alexis specifically asked David to do it.

“I know! But it would save me so much distress!” David whined.

“Oh, are you in distress?” Patrick mocked him. David knew pouting and whining like a child had literally zero effect on him. He had a half dozen niece and nephews. He had no patience for it.

“Yes!” he answered. “The whole situation with Alexis and Ted right now is very awkward and cringe-y.” David had kept Patrick abreast to all the developments in his sister’s relationship – or lack thereof – so he was intensely familiar with all the details of their past. “Alexis told him she loved him.”

To say Patrick wasn’t affected by what David just said would be a lie. He knew David had been burned many, many times before in relationships, but he was such a romantic. Sure, he didn’t excel at the grand romantic gestures like Patrick did, but he had his moments that took Patrick’s breath away. Plus, he was sure he’d now seen every romcom in existence thanks to David’s obsession with them.

Awkward and cringe-y?

Is that how he was going to feel when Patrick told him he loved him?

“Wow,” Patrick said, still processing his own feelings. “Good for her. It’s not easy putting yourself out there like that.”

Rachel had said ‘I love you’ first and Patrick couldn’t say it back. He loved her, but not as deeply as she loved him. It was one of the many times they broke up. They got back together when he finally gathered the courage to say it back, even when he knew it wasn’t true.

In no world was David Rose going to just open up and tell Patrick he loved him, so he knew he was going to have to say it first. He was prepared to be vulnerable like he’d been when he asked David on their first date, when he told him what their first kiss meant to him, singing his love in front of everyone. Nothing had made him more certain that he loved David than when he was afraid he’d lost him. It had been like a piece of him had been viciously ripped from his heart. And when David offered his olive branch, Patrick knew he was truly in love with all that David Rose was.

“Okay, sure,” David dismissed. “I just think it’ll be less awkward for all of us especially considering Ted now knows that I know that he knows if you maybe took the box.”

“I’m not taking the box for you, David,” he said. He held up one of the massage oil bottles. “I still have to unpack all of these products for Singles’ Week that you bought.”

“Okay. Then I guess I’ll just take the box and go then.” David lingered, running his fingers along the cardboard.

Patrick couldn’t get those two words out of his head. Awkward? Cringe-y? What he felt for David was anything but. Saying ‘I love you’ was so courageous, even if the other person didn’t say it back, which he knew was going to be the case with them. He wanted to prove to David that what Alexis did was not just huge, but beautiful and meaningful. Those three words change everything. Saying ‘I love you’ was not at all awkward or cringe-y.

“David, listen to me,” he said as he took him by the shoulders. “What you’re doing is very brave, very generous, okay? And I don’t want to add more stress to your day…” He paused. David looked at him with anticipation. So, Patrick said it. “But I love you.”

He felt a giant _whoosh_ in his stomach, the feeling of the words he’d held onto since they met being released into the world. Patrick loved David. It was now fact.

They stood there for a long moment, neither saying anything, just letting the gravity of what Patrick said permeate the space between them. The delight in David’s eyes was evident, but so was a hint of mild frustration.

“Okay, so you just said that to me for the first time knowing it would make my day more stressful,” David said, breaking the silence.

“That’s correct,” Patrick said, putting his hands cockily on his hips.

David was freaking out a little.

“Because you know that I’ve never said that to anyone else, aside from my parents twice and one time—”

“—at a Mariah Carey concert, I know,” Patrick finished for him.

“Yeah.”

It was never a direct question Patrick posed to David. He never said, ‘Tell me all the times you’ve said ‘I love you’.’ because that would have been weird. Instead, they were talking about the best concerts they’d been to. Patrick talked about the time he saw Rush live and it was one of the greatest experiences of his life, to be in that huge crowd hearing one of the greatest bands in the world play right in front of him.

David described the first time he saw Mariah Carey in excruciating detail to where Patrick could envision a 16-year-old David sobbing ‘I love you’ in Mariah’s arms during a VIP meet-and-greet. He said it was the second time he’d ever said ‘I love you’, and the conversation very naturally shifted to the first time (his parents surprised him with a whole new renovated closet that was easily the size of Patrick’s first apartment) and the third time (at a dance here in Schitt’s Creek).

Patrick would be extremely content to receive the fourth after David’s parents and the Songbird Supreme.

But it probably wouldn’t be today.

“And I don’t expect you to say it back to me right now,” he assured David. “Say it when you’re ready. Just felt right to me in the moment.”

David lit up.

This was the reaction Patrick longed to have. He had dreamt about saying those words to David dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. Not one included saying it out of spite, yet this was extremely symbolic of their relationship: Patrick proving to David that he was worthy of everything love had to offer.

Patrick had said those three words so many times in his life. He watched others delight in hearing the words all the time, yet he felt hollow in saying them. Now, saying them to David, it felt like glitter was exploding inside him.

Glitter.

“You’re my Mariah Carey,” Patrick said fondly.

David stepped back from him, very clearly emotional. Patrick wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction.

“Okay, that compliment could bring me to tears, but I’m not gonna let it,” David said truthfully. “So, I…”

Patrick’s heart leapt to his throat. Was David going to surprise him and say it so soon? Was this going to be the perfect romantic moment he’d always wanted?

“…would like to thank you for all the wonderful things that you said,” he finished.

That was more like it.

He felt like an idiot.

“Okay,” Patrick said, picking up the box for David and passing it to him. “Do you want to get me a tea while you’re out?”

“I will get you a tea,” David confirmed. He meandered toward the door. “Um, would you mind just not looking at me while I take this box out of the room because I don’t want you regretting any of the nice things you just said to me.”

Patrick did no such thing. David leaned against the opened door.

“’Kay, look away, please,” he begged sweetly. “Please.”

He watched David exit the store in the same awkward manner he entered. The moment David was out the door, Patrick turned back to the massage oils.

“That went well,” he sighed.

He was crushed. That was not at all how he wanted to do it. He had mentally written down at least half a dozen ways he wanted to tell David.

One way was getting a hotel in Elmdale, and when they’re cuddled in bed after some intimate activities, that’s when Patrick would have said it.

Another was over dinner in the same booth as their first date, where he’d give a soliloquy about how much David meant to him.

Another was through another open mic, choosing a song that specifically said ‘I love you’ in the lyrics.

One of them was literally going right up to him with no preamble and kissing him before just saying, ‘I love you’.

All of them were more romantic than what he just did.

Did he really tell David he loved him to spite him?

In a way, no, he didn’t. He meant it. He would always mean it.

But he did it to prove a point.

The way David reacted was the point.

Though now he was starting to see where David got ‘awkward’ and ‘cringe-y’. There was an itch under his skin after not hearing it back. Logically, he knew David loved him. He didn’t need David to say it. That was true love, not forcing him to say it back. He didn’t care if David said it back.

…that was a lie. He really needed David to say it back. What if this all was a waste because David didn’t love him like that and that was the real reason he couldn’t say it back?

No, that wasn’t possible. They had been through so much together. After how David reacted to the open mic night, he couldn’t deny that he loved Patrick. Patrick would know he’d be lying.

Hearing those words would mean everything.

Patrick sighed. He gathered the massage oil bottles and walked them over to the small Singles’ Week display David had made. It was a tasteful display of intimate items, not like Patrick expected anything less. He imagined using some of these with David and his cheeks grew hot. They hadn’t gotten past over-the-clothes groping which was probably for the best. There was still nowhere for them to have adequate alone time and the last thing Patrick wanted was someone walking in on their first time having sex.

He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head. His fantasies were being impatient; he needed to wait for David to say it back to him.

A few customers came into the store. Patrick glanced out the window. There was a steady stream of folks headed across the road. There was a break in programming, he guessed.

Thank god. Something to occupy his mind.

What Patrick hadn’t counted on with Singles’ Week was single folks’ intense desire to smell and look good. They were all intensely interested in the body products the store carried and amazingly, every single customer purchased something off the Singles’ Week display. Product was flying off the shelves and David wasn’t even here to witness it.

It was a flurry of purchases, including one gentleman purchasing an alarming amount of massage oil, as they all needed to get back to the café quickly for their turn at a type of musical chairs speed-dating activity.

He rang up the last customer. She had been so patient, waiting in the back of the line. He placed her things in a bag.

“Here you go,” he said cheerily. “Have fun this week!”

Just as she was leaving, David returned. And so did Patrick’s feelings.

He _knew_ David wasn’t going to say the words back right away. And it was easier to deal with that when David wasn’t there. The best he could do is act like everything’s completely normal.

David lingered at the front door for a moment as Patrick walked around the counter. It looked like David forgot his tea, which he figured he would.

“Well, David, I gotta hand it to you,” he said. “We’ve already sold half of our massage oils. It’s like you’re an oracle when it comes to the sex lives of lonely people.” It wasn’t meant to be a dig, reminding David of the time before they were together.

David sauntered up to the counter.

“It’s a gift,” he said breezily.

“How’d it go with Ted?” He expected to hear about how uncomfortable it was between the two of them, especially considering David and Ted didn’t talk very much.

He didn’t expect David stepping right up to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and kissing him so tenderly. On instinct, Patrick put his hands on David’s waist and gently pulled him closer, feeling his solid form against him. His whole body tingled from his head to his toes. David had only ever kissed him like this after his olive branch and it made Patrick dizzy.

David drew back, and Patrick could finally see the tears in his eyes.

Oh god, what happened? What happened at Ted’s that—

“I love you.”

Everything stopped.

Patrick had heard those words so many times before by family, friends, Rachel.

Nothing could have prepared him for this.

His body lit up. His heart sang.

_I love you I love you I love you_

Glitter.

He dreamed about this for so long, to hear those three beautiful words fall from David’s lips.

And he said them.

_David loved him!_

Judging by David on the brink of crying, Patrick knew it was real. He knew David felt it. He knew he wasn’t just saying it back to say it. David really, truly, deeply loved him in the same fierce way Patrick loved him.

He tightened his fingers in David’s sweater.

“I know I’ll never be able to compete with Mariah,” Patrick said. David rolled his eyes. “This just kinda feels like one of those perfect moments that you dream about.”

Patrick was going to remember today for the rest of his life.

And in the name of love, he couldn’t resist teasing David.

“Except in my dream I’m holding a nice cup of tea,” he said jokingly.

“Oh, fuck!” David said, pinching Patrick’s shoulder then letting go. The love bubble around them burst and reality was right there to greet them. David immediately started for the door.

“I’m kidding! I don’t need the tea,” he called after him. He was expecting some sort of snarky comment from David, not this. He wanted him to stay here with him. He wanted to bask in his happiness.

“No,” David said firmly as he awkwardly traipsed toward the door. “I am making this perfect moment perfect.” And then he was out the door.

Patrick let out a giddy laugh.

_David loved him._

He didn’t know what to do with himself. He glanced around the store as if he was going to find an answer. Instead he excitedly paced the room, watching for David from the window.

It took longer than Patrick had anticipated, despite accounting for all the extra folks at the café. He had wound up in the exact spot David told him he loved him, nervously tapping on the counter.

After many long minutes, David emerged from the café. Patrick watched as he trotted across the street to the store. He stood up straight and took a deep breath.

David opened the front door and stepped inside, just as he did before, except this time with a cup of tea in his hand. Patrick heard the door latch shut and David flipped their sign to ‘closed’.

Patrick’s heart was racing, and he couldn’t stop grinning.

David stood at the door for a bit, staring warmly at Patrick. He didn’t budge, didn’t make a move toward Patrick.

Did he want him to come get it?

Patrick took a step closer toward him before David put a hand up.

“No,” David said lightly. “Say what you said when I came in before.”

Patrick laughed joyously. David literally wanted to make _that_ moment perfect.

“Um,” Patrick began, trying to settle his giggling. “Well, David, you were right. We’ve already sold half of the massage oils. It’s like you’re a genius when it comes to the sex lives of single people.”

David finally walked toward him, never breaking his gaze. His eyes were alight with the same joy Patrick felt.

“It’s a gift,” he said as he placed Patrick’s tea on the counter.

“Thank you for my tea,” Patrick said, then, “How’d—”

David couldn’t wait. He took Patrick’s face in his hands and pulled him in for a deep and passionate kiss that made Patrick swoon. Patrick wrapped his arms around David’s waist, his palms flat on his lower back. Nothing would ever compare to kissing David. The way his soft lips moved against his own, the way his stubble dragged across Patrick’s skin, how he took control and made Patrick forget where they were.

Finally, David withdrew and said breathlessly, “I love you.”

“I love you,” Patrick echoed.

“That’s not your line,” David whispered jokingly.

“I don’t care.”

Patrick leaned in and continued their kiss. David was right; he made this perfect moment perfect. He hugged David a little tighter to his body. David let out a satisfied moan when his hips met Patrick’s and Patrick could feel his clothed erection against the beginnings of his own.

“Back room,” Patrick said hurriedly.

“Yes,” David agreed as he stepped away from him. With a heated look in his eyes and a finger hooked in Patrick’s belt, David led him around the counter to the back room.

That alone was almost enough for Patrick to want to drop to his knees.

Once they were out of sight, they were back on each other, Patrick’s hands fisting David’s sweater and David’s hands on his ass. It was slightly messy as he could only focus on the way David was grinding his erection against him. David drew back, his breath hot on Patrick’s lips.

“Should we do this with less clothing?” David asked.

“God, _yes_.”

They had decided a while ago that when they were going to have sex that it was going to be planned and private. Patrick wanted it to be romantic and special since it would be not only their first time, but his first time with a man. It’d be like losing his virginity all over again and he wanted this one to not be in a 7-11 parking lot.

But making out and dry humping in their underwear was totally allowed.

David kissed him again as he moved his hands up to unbutton his shirt. Patrick worked his hands underneath David’s sweater, feeling his heated skin under his fingertips. He kept David’s hips close, rubbing against him as he got harder.

David pushed Patrick’s shirt off his shoulders and started kissing all the skin that was now exposed. Patrick reluctantly removed his hands from under David’s sweater, so his shirt could be fully removed. But within seconds he and David were getting David’s sweater off and David’s hands were back on Patrick’s ass, helping him grind his cock against him.

Patrick closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of David in his arms. Something was sparking between them that was different from before. Their touches were warmer and kisses sweeter. It felt as though Patrick was touching David for the first time.

“God, I love you so much,” David murmured hotly before he bit at Patrick’s ear, drawing a whine out of him. Patrick raked his nails down David’s back, around his waist, and to his fly. David moaned as he popped the button and dragged down the zipper. Patrick slid his fingers into David’s pants and pushed them down off his hips, revealing a tight pair of black designer briefs. He loved the underwear David wore. They made his ass and cock look _so good_.

Patrick chuckled. How did he ever think he was straight?

He traced his fingers up David’s erection and David inhaled sharply. He grabbed Patrick’s wrist and directed him to fully cup his cock and _squeeze_. Both let out small sounds of pleasure as Patrick worked David’s cock slowly over the fabric. He was _so hard_ and _big_ and the source of all of Patrick’s fantasies over the last month.

David let go of Patrick’s hand and easily moved to his belt. In seconds, his belt was slithering out of his belt loops and David was unfastening his jeans. Together, they quickly got Patrick down to just his navy boxer briefs and Patrick’s hand was back massaging David’s cock. Patrick leaned in and kissed him slowly, reveling in his near nakedness with his boyfriend’s interest hot in his palm.

“Do you want to help me with my pants or…?” David asked cheekily. Patrick smiled.

“Of course,” he said. He gave a light peck before he gradually lowered himself to his knees.

David’s eyes were dark and intense, peering down at him at his feet. Patrick maintained his gaze as he peeled David’s pants down his long, long legs and slipped his shoes off. Soon, David was just as naked as Patrick. Patrick wrapped his hands around the backs of David’s thighs for balance and looked back up at David. David breathed deeply. He threaded his fingers through Patrick’s hair and _oh_.

David’s cock was _right there_.

He could have easily peeled down his underwear and blown him.

…but the plan.

There were ways to work around it. Now was the perfect time for _something_.

Patrick’s heart beat faster as he leaned in and gently licked at the head of David’s cock through the fabric.

Oh. _Oh_.

He closed his eyes and moaned loudly.

If he wasn’t hard before, he was now.

There were so many emotions going through him but none nearly as distinct as the wanton _need_ for David. He dug his fingers into David’s thighs and started to kiss down his clothed shaft, reveling in the shape and taste of a man’s – _David’s_ – cock for the first time.

David’s fingers tensed in his hair.

“Oh, shit,” he murmured quietly. Patrick looked up and saw David’s jaw hanging open and his eyes were so, so dark.

He kissed his way back up David’s shaft to suck at the head through the fabric. David whined and grabbed at Patrick’s shoulders.

“Come here, come here,” David said huskily. Patrick stood and was immediately kissed within an inch of his life. David’s fingers dug into his hips as he walked Patrick backward. His thighs hit the edge of the desk and David slotted his thigh between Patrick’s legs, letting him rut against him. Patrick moaned and dug his fingers into David’s back as he kissed him.

David reached around him and started pushing things off the desk behind Patrick. Normally he’d be upset about the mess, but David’s cock was pressed into his thigh and he couldn’t care any less.

“Lay back,” David whispered against his lips. He did as he was told and laid down on the cool wood with David moving his legs to wrap around his waist.

“ _Oh, fuck,_ ” Patrick gasped as David’s cock perfectly lined up with his. He sunk his fingers into David’s hair and pulled in him for a filthy kiss. David held onto his hips and started humping him slowly, grinding his cock against his.

It was _everything_.

They’d done this before – kiss and dry hump – but it felt like so much more in this moment. He was powerless and submissive under David, and he loved it. It thrilled him that, if this was how he felt right now, he was going to positively fall apart when David was finally inside him.

He wanted to give everything to David.

“I love you,” Patrick said breathlessly, pressing his forehead against David’s.

“I love you,” David echoed before he kissed his way across Patrick’s jaw to his neck. Then, his lips brushed Patrick’s ear as he whispered worshipfully, “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Patrick choked back a sob. David’s hips moved faster and in time with his reverent chant.

 _David loved him_.

“David… _David…!_ ” he gasped. He clawed at David’s back as he came hard in his underwear. David acknowledged Patrick’s orgasm with a nip on his earlobe.

Patrick grabbed David’s hair and dragged him back in for a very messy kiss. David humped him faster and faster until his hips stuttered and he came. Patrick held him through it, kissing him as he slowed to just lay on top of him. There was no one else in the world but them in that moment.

David’s kisses were so soft and loving they made Patrick’s heart swell. He didn’t used to kiss him like this. When they first started seeing each other, the kisses were lustful and frisky as if David anticipated their relationship to stay shallow like his previous experiences. Now, he kissed Patrick with the tenderness that only love could create.

Patrick smiled against David’s lips. David pulled back.

“You love me,” Patrick said blissfully.

“Mhm,” David replied, grinning shyly.

“And I love you.”

“That’s correct.”

Patrick hummed happily as he and David gazed at each other, taking in what they just did.

“You know we’re gonna have to clean up at some point and go back to work,” Patrick said dryly.

“Do we really?”

As if on cue, there was a banging on the front door of the store.

“David! David!”

David groaned and Patrick laughed.

“David, I need more blindfolds for Alexis’ next romantic enterprise for Singles’ Week!”

There was no better mood killer than David’s mother.

“David?!”

“Give me a minute!” he yelled back. He looked back down at Patrick.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Stay right here.”

He kissed Patrick once, twice, before he reluctantly stood up. Patrick’s heart sped up when he saw the wet spot on David’s underwear.

“Oh, these are going to be so uncomfortable all day,” David said as he adjusted himself.

They wouldn’t have to worry about that soon.

David quickly threw on his clothes to meet his mom in the store leaving Patrick to lie on the desk and stare at the ceiling.

He couldn’t stop smiling. He was living in a dream he had so many months ago.

David loved him so very, very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm not touching this again until the Christmas episode and season 5! Hooray!


	17. christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick and David create their first Christmas memories together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot I was supposed to write a chapter for this episode until like, a week ago, when someone reminded me, so I apologize for the lateness of this! I wanted to get it in before tonight's episode!!!!
> 
> Yes there's porn in this. I definitely included a suggestion I got via ask on tumblr.
> 
> Enjoy!

Christmas had arrived in Schitt’s Creek and Patrick could not be more excited. It was going to be his first Christmas with a boyfriend! And since his family had chosen to visit his brother-in-law’s family in Puerto Vallarta instead of staying home this year, there was no chance he could see them.

They didn’t live terribly far away – only a five-hour drive – but it was enough that convincing David into a roadtrip was a battle Patrick wasn’t looking forward to. So, when his mom called to tell him their plans for the holidays, he breathed a sigh of relief. It was probably for the best since they really couldn’t afford to close the store for so many days. They were saving for an espresso machine in the back. Patrick told David if they did well on their Christmas sales that they could purchase one come February.

He was excited to spend his first Christmas with David at home. He wished they had their own home to spend it in ( _Soon_ , he thought.), but wherever they had it would be the best so long as he was with David. Currently, they were at the store enjoying the continued rush of holiday shoppers.

“Glad to see this many people forgot to get gifts for their loved ones,” Patrick remarked as he packed ornaments in gift boxes. David stood next to him behind the counter.

“Really tells you how much they love them if they’re shopping this late,” David said with a discerning look.

“Speaking of which, I ordered your gift about an hour ago, so it should arrive by the 14th. It apparently takes a long time for things to get here from rural Ukraine,” Patrick said dryly, earning him a hard stare from his partner.

“That better be a joke,” David said in a harsh hushed tone.

Patrick couldn’t help but crack a smile. He couldn’t even properly mess with David lately. The holidays made him soft. He stopped packing ornaments and turned to draw David into his arms. David instinctually draped his arms over Patrick’s shoulders.

“It's not coming from the Ukraine,” he assured him before giving him a tender kiss. David hummed happily.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

David had gotten very good at saying it over the last few months. It now rolled off his tongue so easily like it had always been part of his vernacular. It never failed to make Patrick’s heart skip a beat.

“Can’t wait for our Christmas together,” David waxed with a smile. “We’ll wake up and make cinnamon rolls—”

“A Brewer family tradition, you remembered.”

“Like I would ever forget cinnamon rolls,” David chided. “Then we’ll open gifts.”

“Your gift from me would be better to open tonight before bed.”

“Normally I would argue with that but given that I have feeling I know what it might entail, I’m very okay with that.”

Patrick nodded, confirming David’s suspicion.

“So, after our late breakfast, we’ll climb back in your bed and watch Christmas movies until dinner where we’ll go to Elmdale’s finest restaurant open on Christmas. Then we’ll go back to your place and we can do your gift again,” David said, concluding with a kiss.

“Sounds good,” Patrick said. He kissed David again. “What is your family doing tonight? Could we possibly watch a Christmas movie with them?”

David broke out of his arms to move around the counter.

“Oh, no, my dad’s doing this thing where he thinks he can throw a Christmas party together in less than 24 hours,” David explained, waving his hand dismissively.

“Isn’t your dad Jewish? Why is he throwing a Christmas party?”

“Weirdly, he loves Christmas,” he said. “He forces all his Christmas cheer on everyone around him with singalongs, tree decorating, lots of gifts. Once he hired actors to actually reenact the birth of Jesus. Had to completely replace the rug because the blood from the afterbirth wouldn’t come out.”

“Okay, that part sounds disgusting,” Patrick said, returning to the ornaments. “But the rest sounds great. Why don’t we go over there after the store’s closed?”

David huffed.

“I’m telling you it’s going to be a disaster. We’re better off just going to the Wobbly Elm and getting drinks tonight.”

“David, we can have drinks literally any night,” Patrick argued. “Christmas with your family sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, it _was_ fun,” David said. “Like, way, way back we used to throw these lavish Christmas parties. I’m sure you’ve read about them.”

“I have not.” David assumed that since he worked at a Rose Video that he somehow knew everything there was about the Rose family’s past. Remarkably, that wasn’t the case.

“I see. Well, they were big, and they were fun, and ever since we moved here, we sorta decided to fast-forward through the holidays,” David said dejectedly as he grabbed the packaged ornaments to display on the shelves in the window.

“Well, as someone who would love to be celebrating with his family back home, I think it’s nice that your dad is planning something,” Patrick said. He hoped a little bit of guilt would get David to budge.

The doorbell jingled as Stevie entered, donning a heavy coat and bright red hat. The snow was pretty but living in the middle of nowhere brought the cold and the wind.

“Hello,” she said to David, receiving a curt ‘hi’ in return.

She strode right up to the counter.

“Merry Christmas, Patrick!” she said.

“Merry Christmas, Stevie!” Patrick replied. It was always good to see her.

David meandered back over to the counter.

“Do I not get a ‘Merry Christmas’?” he asked her. In all fairness to Stevie, David was a bit of a Grinch about Christmas. When Patrick wished him a Merry Christmas, he pointedly said they weren’t doing that until at least 12 days before Christmas, and he was not going to say it to customers without being prompted.

“I thought you were Jewish,” Stevie said bluntly.

“I’m a delightful half-half situation,” David answered playfully. “Which is why it’s so annoying that my dad thinks he can boss people around on a holiday that he technically has no authority over.”

“Well, can whichever half that is feeling the most generous give me a discount on two cases of wine, please?”

“How many people does he think are showing up at this thing?” David asked. Clearly Stevie was part of the party preparations. It made sense, given she was more Rose-adjacent than he was (and he was regularly sleeping with one of them!).

“Oh, he only wanted one case,” she explained. “I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the twelve days of Christmas, but it’s one day with twelve bottles of wine.”

It was the most Stevie answer Patrick could’ve imagined. She didn’t seem like the type to want any sort of big hoopla around Christmas.

“That sounds like fun,” Patrick said with a laugh. He turned to David. “Are we supposed to be doing anything for this party?” If Johnny had put Stevie to work, David definitely had things to do.

“Um, yes. Decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I burned that bridge in Ibiza…” David said, trailing off.

Patrick had no idea who Nate Berkus was, and he didn’t want to know what happened in Ibiza. They didn’t need to hire anyone, though.

“Okay, but we have plenty of decorations here, so…?” Patrick retorted, gesturing to all the products in their store.

“Yeah, that are for _sale_ ,” David corrected him. “We’re not just giving away our inventory.”

On the one hand, Patrick was excited to hear that David had really finally taken to not giving away products or using them himself. It showed some real growth and he was so proud. On the other, it was Christmas, the season of giving. They could give some decorations to his dad.

And then Patrick realized he was still focused on that espresso machine, so his motives for selling products was not entirely pure.

“Wow,” Stevie said dryly. “So what time is the ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?”

Fuck, he was being a _total_ Scrooge!

“Oh! Burn, David!” Patrick laughed. The only thing he loved more than listening to Stevie roasting David was when he got to participate too. She was way too good at it. Years of working so close to where David was living probably did it for her.

Patrick left for the backroom to grab her cases of wine. Everything was a mess given all their surplus inventory. They’d done really well this quarter; they were going to close out the year strong. Ever since the open mic night, word had gotten out about the store and they’d seen more customers from further away coming into town specifically to stop at Rose Apothecary. It made him so happy to see so many people appreciating the thing he and David had built together.

It was so lovely to remember that. He and David created this beautiful little place together, their tiny corner of the world. They didn’t have any private living quarters – Patrick was still at Ray’s, David at the motel – but that backroom was theirs alone. He couldn’t wait for the day when they lived together too. Waking up with David every morning was going to be the absolute best.

He could hear Stevie and David discussing the decorations out front as he stacked the cases of wine to carry out.

“Oh, so you do have decorations,” David said to Stevie.

Patrick slid the cases of wine onto the counter.

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be up to your standards,” she said. Patrick knew she was correct without even seeing the decorations.

“Well, they’ll have to do because at this point, the party’s at seven and I don’t have any time to mood-board a color scheme,” David said flippantly before wandering back to the shelves he was stocking when Stevie entered.

“Okay…” Stevie said sarcastically. “Thank you.”

David was being utterly ridiculous. A party with his family sounded lovely and they had more than enough Christmas decorations in stock to give some to Johnny.

Patrick leaned on the wine cases.

“Do you have time to mood-board a color scheme?” he asked Stevie quietly.

“Does anyone?” Stevie replied.

“No.”

Patrick glanced over at David. He loved that ridiculous, _ridiculous_ man in spite of his Scrooge-like ways.

“Since my business partner’s heart is two sizes too small—”

“Great reference.”

“Thank you,” Patrick said. “I’ll let you take your case of wine as our Christmas gift to you.”

“It’s good to hear there are still generous people in this world,” Stevie said, projecting loud enough for David to hear.

“We are running a business,” David argued back. “We can’t just be taking things whenever we want.”

“I may have made a mistake in telling him we could get an espresso machine provided our Christmas sales did well,” Patrick told her.

“Oh, then this is definitely on you,” Stevie said as she hauled the two cases of wine off the counter. She trudged over to the door, the bulk of her coats preventing her from getting a good grip on the boxes.

“Would you care for some assistance?” David asked snippily.

“Nope,” Stevie said. “I’m good.” She managed to get herself out the front door and around the corner. Patrick didn’t hear the sound of glass breaking, so he assumed she made it to her car.

Patrick stepped away from the counter to join David at the window. The snow was falling gently and swirling in the wind. It was their first winter being open and he looked forward to so many more. He came up behind David, wrapped his arms around his waist, and hooked his chin on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, inhaling the spicy scent of David’s cologne. He switched it up for the season and Patrick thought he smelled like a lumberjack. He’d never tell David, but he thought it was such a sexy scent.

David laid his hands over Patrick’s.

“If you keep giving away product, we’re never going to have enough for that espresso machine,” David said quietly.

“It’s called ‘Christmas cheer’, David,” he said.

David sighed.

“We’ll get that espresso machine,” Patrick assured him. “Just not right away.”

“I know.”

“And remember, you still have a gift from me to open after the party tonight.”

“Mm,” David hummed happily. “Now that’s something I can look forward to.”

“Just gonna need your heart to grow three sizes first,” Patrick said before stepping away from David who shot him the dirtiest look.

Patrick could see all the emotions on David’s face playing out. Should he complain about the espresso machine again? Or should he shut it for his gift from Patrick tonight? David glanced back at the customers milling about the store. There weren’t many.

“I need to find Nana Budd’s decorations and see if anything needs to be added,” David finally said.

Patrick smiled.

“Go. I can handle this.”

David tenderly took Patrick’s face in his hands and kissed him.

“I don’t deserve you,” David said softly.

“You really don’t.”

“ _Okay!_ ”

“Go.”

David hustled to the back room to grab his heavy wool coat. Within a minute he was out the door and headed back to the motel.

When David was motivated about something, he was _motivated_.

Very little out of the ordinary happened before he received his first text from David.

3:56pm: _omg we have to help my dad  
_ 3:56pm: _he bought the SADDEST tree  
_ 3:56pm: _we literally watched it fall apart when he untied it  
_ 3:56pm: _it took everything in my power not to start laughing  
_ 3:56pm: _and nana budd’s decorations were pathetic  
_ 3:56pm: _and that’s putting it nicely  
_ 3:57pm: **Glad to see you’re getting into the Christmas Spirit!  
** 3:57pm: **Do you want me to bring decorations by?  
** 3:57pm: _I love you but your taste in decorations is questionable  
_ 3:57pm: **Ouch  
** 3:58pm: _well it is and you know that  
_ 3:58pm: **You’re lucky I love you an awful lot  
** 3:58pm: _I know  
_ 3:58pm: _I’ll be there in a few to grab decorations_  
3:58pm: **Can’t wait to see you**

Sure enough, David was there within minutes. He told Patrick what happened at the motel: the depressing decorations, the state of the tree, how upset his dad was. It was heartwarming to see how much he wanted to do this for his dad.

David grabbed nearly every decoration he could off the shelves and almost took some out of customers’ hands. (Patrick stopped him, thankfully.) Within 20 minutes, David had collected several bags of supplies without even taking his coat off. Patrick made a general announcement to the store that they were closing early and the few customers who were still around quickly made their way to the register. They closed the store and loaded everything into Patrick’s car.

Once they were back at the motel, they found Moira, Ted, and Stevie ready to help. Alexis was hunkered over a list of names, phone to her ear. It was really peculiar to Patrick to see the Roses working together like this? It truly was a Christmas miracle.

David, Moira, and Ted went to work on the decorations. It was mostly David and Ted hanging everything and Moira ‘directing’ her ‘vision’, but it was better than what Stevie and Patrick were tasked to do. They had to put the tree back together.

Before they left the store, David told Patrick to grab all the superglue they were selling. Patrick thought he was joking but did as he was told. They managed to make the tree look halfway decent, though it was still extremely pathetic and now highly flammable. Hopefully some lights and tinsel would fill it out. Occasionally, David came over to help them, arranging the branches in a way that would look visually appealing.

Over the next hour, people started trickling in, bringing snacks and booze and other decorations. Alexis greeted each of them before showing them where to bring their gifts and treats. The motel room was filling with friends and everything was coming together.

David had selected some simply elegant decorations to make the room look appropriately festive. For a Scrooge, he was really good at holiday decorations.

Moira ducked out the front door to retrieve Johnny at the Café Tropical, leaving David and Alexis in charge of all their guests.

David wandered over to Patrick and Stevie who were stringing lights on the tree. He placed a gentle hand on Patrick’s lower back, sending a shiver up his spine. He loved it when David touched him so easily and familiarly.

“This tree looks significantly better than before,” David complimented them.

“It was a pretty low bar to clear,” Stevie said.

“And it helps the branches are now on the tree and not on the floor,” Patrick replied.

David dug into one of the bags and pulled out tinsel.

“I think it could use a little more to cover all the empty patches,” he said.

Together, he, Patrick, and Stevie added more decorations to the little tree. It was looking less and less pathetic with every addition.

Patrick couldn’t help but glance at David every once in a while. He loved seeing the lights reflected in David’s dark eyes and the delicate smile that would tug on his lips. Patrick made sure their fingers would brush together when he’d take an ornament from him. They may have been together for several months, but it was still a thrill to have those little private touches with David. He began to imagine the future in which they have their own tree – obviously something bigger and fuller – with dozens of hand-selected ornaments in their own home.

Patrick really wanted to build a home with David.

Just as they were adding even more tinsel, the motel room door opened. Moira had returned with Johnny who looked around the room with glee.

“Merry Christmas!” the room cheered.

Johnny turned to Moira.

“Merry Christmas, John,” Moira said warmly. He pulled her into his arms and gave her a hug. Patrick appreciated how much they still loved each other after all these years.

Moira helped Johnny remove his coat and he immediately caught sight of the tree.

“Oh, David, is this the same tree?” he asked in awe.

“Uh, theoretically?” David answered. “We spent a very long time gluing it back together.”

“Scary amount of super glue,” Patrick added.

“Seriously. No one should like a match in here,” Stevie said, actual fear in her eyes. She really wasn’t kidding.

“And everyone chipped in,” David said. “And there might’ve been a few things left over at the store…”

Johnny looked delighted to see his son’s change of heart. David and his dad didn’t always get along, but Patrick could see that David really made Johnny proud on so many occasions.

Alexis and Ted approached Johnny from across the room, Ted carrying a tray of full champagne flutes. After letting Johnny take one, Ted moved to the trio at the tree.

“Some bubbles for the baubles?” Ted asked with a cheeky grin, offering the tray to them.

“Um, that doesn’t make any sense, but I will never turn away anyone with champagne,” David said as he took two flutes. “Thank you, Ted.”

“Merry Christmas,” Ted replied. He very quickly moved on to the Jazzagals who were tucked near the sink.

David gazed across the room at all the work they had done. Patrick draped an arm over David’s shoulder and rested his chin on the other, admiring the room as well. He loved seeing all these folks turning out on such short notice for Johnny. The Roses had really become institutions in the town of Schitt’s Creek.

“Room looks good,” David said.

The decorations looked great. David was truly a visionary and had such a good eye for design. Patrick would’ve loved to have seen what he curated in galleries.

He tried not to focus on the loss they were going to take from donating their inventory because it was worth it.

“Mm,” Patrick said. “You’re still thinking about that espresso machine, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“One day.”

“Mhm.”

Patrick dropped a kiss on David’s shoulder. He wanted to give David everything. Maybe he’d look at their bills and see if there’s a way they could get it sooner.

“I’m looking forward to your gift later,” David said quietly.

“And I’m looking forward to giving it to you,” Patrick whispered. David turned enough to kiss Patrick delicately on the lips.

Yeah, he wanted to give David the world.

Stevie walked past them to the counter to set down her empty champagne flute and pour another glass of wine.

“Which day of Christmas are you on now, Stevie?” Patrick asked her.

“Only four French hens,” she said with a slur. “But the night is still young.”

“Well, I hope a New Year’s resolution is to drink less for your liver’s sake,” David said.

From across the room, Twyla began singing.

_“Silent night,  
_ _Holy night…”_

Her voice was beautiful and pure and cut across the din. The rest of the Jazzagals joined in. Their harmonies were excellent.

_“All is calm,  
_ _All is bright…”_

Beside them, Stevie sniffled. David looked.

“What?” she said. “It’s just nice, what’s happening.”

“It looks like you’re crying,” David said.

“Well, I’m not. It’s just, we’re… we ran out of red!” She held up the empty bottle as proof.

“Oh.” David chuckled softly to himself. He turned his face to nuzzle against Patrick’s.

There was no place Patrick would rather be.

They spent the rest of the party together, holding hands or cuddled together as they chatted with the other guests. It was shaping up to be the best Christmas Patrick ever had.

Over the next few hours, people slowly trickled out until it was just the family, their significant others, and Stevie. David and Patrick had gravitated to the table of food, the natural course of any party with David. Patrick had his arms wrapped around David’s waist, his hands resting low on his back, and David gently massaged Patrick’s biceps as he playfully peppered Patrick’s lips and jaw with kisses.

“Merry Christmas, Patrick,” he whispered hotly before kissing the skin right below Patrick’s ear. David was delightfully tipsy, which is one of Patrick’s favorite versions of David. He was affectionate and sweet, and he didn’t care who was watching him. “Can I have my gift now?”

Patrick chuckled. Before he could answer, Moira tipsily wandered over to them. She gingerly leaned on the table with her fingertips.

“David,” Moira said gently. “I know you and dear Patrick probably have plans tonight, and I don’t want to keep you from them, but your father wants to spend a little time just the family.”

Patrick felt David deflate in his arms.

“Uh, sure,” David said blearily.

Moira nabbed a sugar cookie before leaving the table. David pouted.

“I know,” Patrick soothed. He kissed David. “But now I can get ready without you peeking. So when you’re done, come over and you can open your present.” David’s eyes lit up at that suggestion.

“Mm, I like that plan,” he said. He kissed Patrick tenderly before letting Patrick go.

“I’ll see you in a bit. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

One more kiss for the road, and Patrick was headed for the door.

“Good night, Roses! Merry Christmas!” he said as he headed into the cold.

“Bye, Patrick! Merry Christmas!” came the smattered responses.

Patrick hustled to his car. He didn’t know how long he’d have before David would be arriving at Ray’s and he needed to get ready.

* * *

9:25pm: _finally leaving  
_ 9:25pm: _my dad’s giving me a ride  
_ 9:25pm: _should be there in about 10 mins  
_ 9:25pm: _provided he finds the car keys_  
9:26pm: **I’m ready. Front door’s unlocked. Just come upstairs.**

The front door opened and shut. The sound of shoes being dropped off at the door followed. David had arrived.

Patrick positioned himself against the pillows on his bed and adjusted his Santa hat, so it was snug on his head. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t the first time David would have seen him like this, but it was certainly the first time he had tried something so brazenly sexual without talking to him first. Knowing David as well as he did, Patrick figured he’d be okay with it.

He heard David come quietly up the staircase. Ray had family a few towns over and was spending the evening with them, so the house was all theirs. No worries of him walking in on David’s Christmas present.

David rapped softly on the closed door.

“Come in,” Patrick called out.

The door opened.

“I’m excited to see what this pres—” David stopped mid-sentence and just froze in the doorway. He dropped his bag at his feet.

Patrick was dressed only in a pair of tight red silk briefs and a Santa hat, with a gift-wrapping bow stuck right over his heart.

“Merry Christmas, David,” Patrick said as sultrily as he could, his heart now hammering away in his chest for an entirely different reason. He was becoming aroused by the way David was drinking him in, his eyes drifting from head to toe, taking in every little bit.

Patrick had never laid himself out for David like this. This was something David would’ve done to him, not the other way around. He’s surprised David hadn’t done this before. It was completely in his wheelhouse to tease Patrick like this.

“Do you like your gift?” he asked huskily. He watched as David’s eyes darted from his crotch to his face. They were so, _so_ dark.

David didn’t answer. Instead he stripped off his coat, dumping it on the floor, as he stepped swiftly across the room and climbed onto the bed. He straddled Patrick’s hips and Patrick couldn’t keep himself from sitting up to meet David in a steamy kiss. His rapidly hardening cock strained against the silk and was benefiting from the friction of David’s jeans.

Patrick pulled back.

“So do you?” he asked cheekily, anticipating a similar response.

What he got was David ripping the bow away with a dark growl before drawing him in for another deep kiss.

David raked his fingers over Patrick’s skin as Patrick pushed up David’s sweater. David helped him take it all the way off, throwing it to the floor. Immediately, David was back to kissing Patrick with every fiber of his being, his tongue licking into Patrick’s mouth.

David moaned loudly when Patrick shoved both hands down the back of his jeans.

“Take these off,” Patrick murmured.

“Yes, yes,” David gasped.

Patrick rolled them over so that David was on his back. David’s clothes were complicated, but Patrick had learned the fastest way to get David naked over the last several months. As soon as David undid the buttons, Patrick was peeling them off down his legs along with his underwear to join his sweater and coat.

Now David was gloriously naked in his bed, panting and _hard_. His cock jutted upward toward his hip, lying tantalizingly against his stomach. Patrick’s mouth watered at the sight.

Patrick dropped to lie between David’s legs and took his cock into his mouth with a moan. He remembered when he was so nervous to suck David’s cock. He worried he was going to be too messy or use his teeth by accident, but the fact David came in his mouth after his first attempt made all of it worth it. Now, he _begged_ David to let him blow him.

David grabbed at the Santa hat on Patrick’s head. He growled in frustration when it came off in his hands and he threw it across the room. He then threaded his fingers through Patrick’s short hair which drew a groan out of Patrick. He looked up to see David’s head thrown back and his back arching beautifully against the red sheets.

Patrick pulled off David’s cock with a soft _pop_ and kissed his shaft down to his balls, taking a moment to pull each one into his mouth. David inhaled shakily when Patrick pressed on his thighs to fold his legs up against his body. Patrick glanced up once more and caught David’s dark gaze before dropping down to lick across David’s hole.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” David gasped. One of his hands flew to the pillow beneath his head as his other gripped Patrick’s hair tighter. He minutely bucked his hips, encouraging Patrick to lick into him.

This wasn’t one of Patrick’s favorite things, but it was David’s and there was no universe in which Patrick was going to pass up an opportunity to make David feel incredible, especially on Christmas Eve. Patrick speared his tongue and opened him up. Once David was sufficiently wet, he slid a finger in beside his tongue, then another.

By the time he was adding a third finger, David was a shuddering mess. He was whining and gasping and clearly trying very hard not to cum. Patrick had moved his mouth back to David’s cock, kissing and licking along the shaft.

“Patrick… _Patrick!_ ” David sobbed when Patrick pressed on his prostate. He was suddenly tugging hard at Patrick’s hair, a sign he needed him to stop. Patrick did has he was told and released David’s cock from between his lips, but left his fingers stretching him, as he was pulled upward for a kiss.

“Fuck me, fuck me _please_ ,” David murmured desperately against his lips. “Need your cock.”

Patrick nodded. A desperate David was Patrick’s kryptonite. He was weak when he could see all the love and vulnerability in David’s eyes. It brought him to the same point of need. He rutted his silk-covered cock against David’s hip, the fabric rubbing against David’s spit-covered cock. He was almost painfully hard. Sex with a man was relatively new for Patrick and it was like he still couldn’t believe he was getting to do it with _this_ man. He felt like a teenager about to lose his virginity every single time.

“Of course, yes,” Patrick agreed.

Patrick removed his fingers from David’s ass and picked himself up enough to yank down his dampened briefs. It gave David the chance to lean over to Patrick’s bedside table to retrieve a condom and lube from the drawer.

Patrick sat back on his heels with the condom in hand. David propped himself up on his elbows to watch as Patrick opened the condom and rolled it down over his cock. David promptly traded Patrick the lube for the wrapper. Once his cock was properly coated and some lube applied to David’s hole, David settled back down onto the bed, drawing his knees up and open. Patrick leaned over him, lined his cock up with David, and then began to push in.

David’s eyes fluttered closed and his mouth dropped open in a soft moan as Patrick slowly slid into his body. David felt amazing around him, so hot and tight. The moment his hips met David’s ass and his whole cock was inside, David wrapped his legs around Patrick’s waist, his heels digging into his ass. David’s cock was pinned between their stomachs, pre-cum smearing onto both of them. Patrick loved feeling David’s cock pressed into his belly as he fucked him. It was yet another reminder of who he was with.

David took Patrick’s face in his hands and kissed him. Patrick held himself up on his elbows as he began to fuck David in earnest. They found a solid and steady pace, one that could’ve been the beat of an up-tempo Christmas song. The headboard knocked against the wall and the mattress squeaked, which only made their moans and groans sound more pornographic.

Patrick kissed his way down to David’s neck and _bit_ , then sucked hard at the spot.

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ,” David gasped as he grabbed at Patrick’s back, his nails digging into his skin. As Patrick sucked and fucked him harder, David’s whines grew louder and louder until he came with a choked sob. Patrick was going to have nine crescent bruises on his back in the morning.

He kept hammering his cock into David, who knew exactly what would get Patrick to cum quickly.

“C’mon, baby,” David whispered against his ear. “C’mon, cum for me. Yeah, gimme that cock. Fuck, you’re so good. Cum for me, please. Patrick, cum inside me—”

Patrick shouted as he came, his hips stuttering to a stop inside David.

He picked his head up and kissed David slowly and deeply. David hummed contently.

“Merry Christmas, Patrick,” he said softly.

“Merry Christmas, David,” Patrick replied. “Did you like your present?” He shoved his hips forward, his cock still buried in David’s ass, for emphasis.

“Well,” David began. “It’s no espresso machine…”

Patrick laughed and kissed David, who was beaming.

“It was incredible,” David said tenderly. “I was expecting this part—” He gestured to their connected bodies. “—but I have to say, I’m going to need you greeting me like that a lot more often.”

“Then it won’t be a gift anymore.”

“It’s the gift that keeps on giving.”

They both smiled and kissed again before Patrick finally pulled out to dispose of the condom. After it was in the bedside trashcan, he brought back tissues to wipe off their stomachs. A cursory clean-up job was good enough. Patrick laid back down between David’s legs and David drew him close.

A comfortable silence fell around them as they admired one another and shared sweet kisses. It was David who spoke first.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Patrick nodded.

“I’ve had the best sex of my life with you.”

That nearly made Patrick cry.

“Me too.”

David gave him a nervous smile. He hated being vulnerable, but Patrick loved it.

“I love you so much,” Patrick said, nuzzling David’s nose against his own. David hummed again.

“I love you too,” he replied. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”


	18. in need of a generator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David talks Patrick into a double date in an effort to jumpstart Alexis and Ted's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a close one! I had family in town all weekend and am shocked I got this done in the first place. It's not the dirtiest or most in-depth chapter I've ever written, but here it is anyway lmao
> 
> Set during s05e01 "The Crowening"

Life was good. He and David had fallen into a really lovely routine at work and outside of work. It was similar to one he had with Rachel except he loved this one. David made him feel so alive and excited for tomorrow because that meant he’d get to see David again.

That’s not to say David had habits that drove him crazy. He was still David Rose, after all. He was often late to work, avoided paperwork, and had very strong opinions about things no one should have strong opinions about. (“Dogs are fine, but they should be kept in strollers or carriers. I nearly died tripping over a leash when this Jackapoo darted across the sidewalk…”)

It was a regular Friday and he was looking forward to the weekend. They did better on sales on Saturday and Sunday which bolstered their lower totals during the week. Friday was also inventory day and he’d grown to love Friday nights. They’d do inventory, working harmoniously while giving each other light touches as they handed things back and forth or passed by one another. David always had the tiniest smile on his lips on inventory days. They’d then spend the rest of the evening at dinner and then back at the store to hang out with Stevie or Patrick’s for quiet time and sex.

As usual, Patrick got there early to do paperwork. Well, on time. David tended to roll in around 10am. Patrick learned to love the mornings alone, but today he was frustrated by their inventory numbers. He was good at predicting sales trends, but for some reason their greeting cards had been selling very well and their candles were in decline and he couldn’t figure out _why_.

The doorbell jingled.

“Oh, hi,” David said huskily.

Patrick looked up from his stack of papers at the counter and saw David at the door.

“Hi,” he replied.

David slinked over and leaned on the counter opposed him, resting his chin in his hand. He was acting a little strange, but Patrick had grown used to David’s brand of strange.

“Have I ever told you how sexy it is to walk in here and see you doing—” David coughed as he looked down. “—inventory? Wearing those little rubber thimbles on your fingers?”

“They help me flip pages easier,” Patrick answered dryly. He had no idea where David was going with all this.

“Hot,” he said flirtatiously. “Hot… sex.”

David was being _incredibly_ weird.

“You know what else is hot and sexy?” David said, standing up. “Doing something spontaneous this afternoon.”

“Ooh, like what? You helping me with the inventory?” Patrick said sarcastically.

“Yes,” David said. “Or taking the afternoon off, mixing up the 9 to 5.”

David had never tried to flirt with him like this and Patrick knew something was up. It was just a matter of what exactly he had in mind.

“'Kay. Well, 9 to 5 are our store hours. So, it's kinda hard to build customer loyalty when your store is just spontaneously open or closed,” he replied. It was good business practice, but he also really didn’t want to break their routine. He didn’t want to lose their lovely little Friday night rituals.

“Yeah,” David said. “Anyway, turns out Alexis’s relationship’s in trouble.”

“What?!”

This was alarming news, yet David was being so casual about it. He knew Alexis and David had a competitive relationship, but it was quite callous to be so cavalier about her issues with Ted.

“Yeah, I know. Struggling,” he continued. “She practically begged us to join them at the park this afternoon. Probably for emotional support.”

“Wow,” Patrick said, still in disbelief. “We just saw them and they seemed great.”

“Yeah, well, they’re in need a generator, if you know what I mean.”

“Well, I don’t,” Patrick said. “But, uh, if you think it’ll help a bad situation, I guess we could duck out a little early today. It’ll just mean we’ll have to start early tomorrow.” It was not what David wanted to hear. Inventory still needed to be done.

“Mhm.”

David walked around counter to join Patrick on the other side.

“You know, it’s that unshakeable sense of responsibility,” David said as he cuddled up to Patrick, wrapping an arm around Patrick’s shoulders and resting his hand on his chest. “That makes me wanna just rip off those little rubber things and burn them in a fire.”

Even when he was only half-joking, Patrick knew David really did love him and was attracted to him. He was glad that he and David weren’t in the same place as Alexis and Ted. They were settled and routine, yet no dull moments. He enjoyed every second he spent with David, even when he was being weird.

Patrick tilted his head back and David leaned down to kiss him firmly on the lips. Patrick never thought he’d ever be the short one in a relationship. Now, he loved to get kissed just like this.

David withdrew and awkwardly nuzzled his face. Patrick looked at David, trying to solve the puzzle that was his boyfriend’s strange behavior.

“While I love this, I have to get back to price analysis and prepare for inventory tomorrow morning, since someone is cutting our afternoon short,” Patrick said.

“Mm ‘kay,” David replied. “It’s for the benefit of Alexis and Ted’s crumbling relationship.”

“Let’s just hope we don’t add our business to that list.”

David gave him a look before pulling back and disappearing to the backroom.

“We’re also gonna have to close earlier so I can change before we go,” David yelled. “I am not wearing this sweater with so many bugs around.”

* * *

 

As they were getting their helmets and harnesses for the high ropes course, Patrick kept glancing over at David whose terrified expression spoke volumes. It explained why he was so squirrely at the store earlier. The equipment girl must’ve sensed it too given his questions about the number of deaths that happened at the park. (The answer was zero.)

David didn’t say much as they walked out to the course. Patrick held his hand and directed him down the paths as his eyes were trained upward toward the swinging planks.

Patrick had to stop and tie his shoe, allowing David to silently wander to the base of the first ladder. Patrick thought he looked absolutely adorable in his shorts and sweater. The robin’s egg blue helmet made him seem younger. He knew David was thinking about other things when he didn’t argue with the color or the helmet itself.

“I have to say, David,” Patrick said as he joined David. “I’m a little shocked that you agreed to do this. I know how fearful you are of heights.”

“Well, fearful makes me sound like some kind of Dickensian orphan with a chronic illness,” David replied. “It’s more of an aversion. Do I wish Alexis was a little more specific when she said we were coming to a park? Uh, maybe. But this—this is going to be fun, I think, for us, you know?”

David wrapped an arm around Patrick’s shoulders. He could feel a slight tremor in David’s body. Patrick wished he could absorb the nervousness out of David’s body.

_Knock knock!_

They turned around to the sound of Alexis knocking on David’s helmet. Ted was close behind.

“David! You look so cute under there!” Alexis said chipperly. “Like a tiny toadstool man or a little acorn person or something.”

“Hey! So glad you guys could make it,” Ted greeted them.

“I hope you didn’t have to like, rearrange your daily schedule or anything,” she said. Even if Ted and Alexis’s relationship was in the dumps, Alexis and David’s sibling rivalry was still going strong.

“Oh, no, no, no,” Patrick replied. “We just agreed to finish doing the inventory tomorrow.”

“That’s the sensible decision,” she said.

“Yeah,” David replied.

Alexis then kissed Ted full on the lips in a gross display of affection. It wasn’t that Patrick didn’t have anything against straight couples (he was in one for so many years after all), but he still didn’t care to watch them make-out.

“It looks like they’re really enjoying each others’ company,” Patrick murmured to David. They didn’t seem to have any tension…

“Yeah, they fake it well,” David whispered back.

This needed to end.

“I actually did one of these at summer camp,” Patrick said, including Alexis and Ted in on the conversation and to make the awkwardness stop.

“Yeah, and I couldn’t imagine who wouldn’t want to dangle 20 feet in the air on a series of shaky logs,” David added.

“It’s actually closer to _30_ feet, bud,” Ted corrected him with a big smile. Patrick laughed. David was so screwed.

“David’s never done anything like this before,” Patrick told him.

“Uh oh! We got a virgin!” Ted said humorously through clenched teeth. Alexis seemed delighted in this fact.

David laughed uncomfortably.

“Okay, you might want to talk to half my Birthright trip about that,” he said bitterly. Patrick flinched. He would never get used to hearing about how many people David’s slept with. Just when he thought he nailed down a number, David would bring up more.

“Welp, you wanna go first, babe?” Ted asked Alexis cheerily.

“Hundred, babe,” she replied before sticking her butt out for Ted to slap.

Straight couples were weird.

“Oh! Okay, there we go,” Ted said.

Alexis shuffled past David and Patrick to get to the ladder, shoving David in particular out of the way. She smirked and clipped onto the ladder to begin the climb. As she disappeared up the ladder, Ted stepped forward to Patrick and David.

“You feeling okay, David?” he asked. “You’re looking a little flushed.”

“Yeah, I’m just using a new tinted moisturizer. That’s all, so…” David answered hollowly. It wasn’t a tinted moisturizer. Everyone knew that.

Patrick patted David on the back, hoping he could bring any sort of comfort without blowing up David’s spot.

“I’m… I guess I’ll go,” David said, laughing uncomfortably as he struggled to pull his carabiner out from the harness.

“Alright,” Ted said as he stepped back to give David room.

“This’ll be a fun adventure for us,” David repeated, more for himself than Patrick.

“Yeah,” Patrick said.

He knew it was going to be a nightmare.

David stepped up to the ladder, struggling with his rope and carabiner.

“Get the clip off and you’re ready to go,” Ted instructed.

David did as he was told, and began the climb.

From above, Alexis called down, “Babe!”

She waved cheerily from the platform, a big smile on her face.

“Whoa! Great job, babe!” Ted replied.

Patrick was suddenly very grateful David put the kabosh on pet names.

“David!” she said, still waving.

David ignored her as his focus was completely devoted to the ladder.

“David!” she repeated.

“STOP,” David said angrily.

They weren’t even on the platform yet and Patrick knew this was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

The ropes course was going exactly as expected. Alexis and Ted went first, continuously calling each other ‘babe’ and being obnoxiously supportive of one another. The last time Patrick experienced that he was six years into a relationship he knew he shouldn’t have been in yet double-downed because it wasn’t Rachel’s fault he was gay.

Meanwhile, Patrick was worried David was going to faint and fall off the first platform.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” David choked out.

“David, we don’t have to do this if you’re not actually okay,” Patrick assured him, rubbing his back soothingly.

“No, we have to do this,” he replied seriously.

“Do you want to go first?”

“Why don’t you go first?” David said. “Then I won’t be holding you up and you won’t see me plummet to my death.”

“You’re not going to die.” Patrick gave him a peck on the cheek before clipping onto the course itself.

The course wasn’t too difficult. It required a bit of balance and core strength, as one had to balance on a wooden beam while holding onto other wooden beams and of course nothing was sturdy. Once he got the hang of it, Patrick moved as quickly as Alexis and Ted, who had landed with a cheer on the next platform.

The rope quivered behind him. David shakily joined the course, moving much slower than the other three.

“Lookin’ good, Patrick!” Ted called out.

“David, you look Mom when we were in Madrid and she forgot to bring her benzos,” Alexis yelled to her brother.

“I should never have bought you back from that Saudi prince!” David yelled back.

Patrick stepped off the course and onto the platform to join Ted and Alexis. He was finally able to see the progress David was making.

It was… not good.

He was stuck at a slow shuffle, looking down at the ground far too much.

“You can do this, David!” Patrick shouted. “Just one step at a time.” His heart went out to David and he so badly wished he could help.

“You’re looking pretty shaky there, David,” Ted remarked. “Really hope we didn’t ‘rope’ you into something here.”

Ted’s puns were definitely not appreciated in the moment.

“Hey David, just pretend you’re in like, a super dangerous walk-and-turn sobriety test,” Alexis suggested gleefully.

“Yeah, okay, I don’t like this!” David said, terror in his voice.

“Well, okay, then turn around,” Patrick said, perhaps unhelpfully. He was near the middle of the course and going back would be just as much as going forward.

He turned to Ted and Alexis.

“Why would he agree to do this when he’s afraid of heights?” he asked them.

“He’s not afraid of heights,” Alexis corrected him. “He’s afraid of moths and butterflies.”

“And business women in sneakers!” Ted added.

“I can hear you!” David yelled in frustration.

“And also heights!” Patrick said defensively. He distinctly remembered the conversation when they needed to clean the sign out front and David flatly refused to climb the ladder. It was almost always about some ex he had. While Patrick loved to learn more about David, there was something about having to constantly hear about all the other people David had been with that made his stomach churn. “Something to do with him being broken up with while he was…?”

Alexis’s eyes widened.

“…parasailing in the Seychelles,” she said, concerned. “He and Anderson Cooper were stuck up there for like, three hours until the wind died down. I totally forgot!”

She grunted in frustration.

“I’m sorry, David!” she yelled.

“Huh?” came David’s bewildered response.

“I’m sorry! You were right, the quiz was rigged.” Alexis was fretting over what she had done.

“What?!” David said, shocked.

“What quiz?” Ted asked.

“David took this relationship quiz and it said that his relationship was like, in need of some excitement,” she explained.

Now it was Patrick’s turn to be stunned and angry.

“What?!” he said.

“David, I lied!” Alexis continued. “I took the quiz like, fifteen times. ‘In Need of a Generator’ is like, the only answer you can get.”

“Oh my god!” David said.

“Okay, I don’t know what this is about, but this—” Ted said, gesturing to him and Alexis. “—generator is running smoothly.”

Patrick was still in shock. David believed a stupid quiz that said their relationship was boring. Sure, they had a routine, but from what Patrick could tell, they both loved the routine. It was warm and comfortable. It made all the non-routine things so much more exciting.

 “So,” Patrick called out to David. “We’re doing all this so that you can prove our relationship is exciting?!”

David was moving faster on the course, like he was trying to just reach Patrick.

“I failed the stupid quiz and Alexis made me feel bad about it,” he explained. There were so many things wrong with what was going on right now, but the least surprising was that this all stemmed from Alexis messing with David.

“David, you’re basically 40 years old. I shouldn’t be able to make you feel bad about anything,” Alexis said defensively.

David ignored her. For the first time, his eyes weren’t locked on the ground, but on Patrick.

“I love our relationship,” David confessed.

David saying ‘love’ regarding Patrick would never not make his heart skip.

“I love it when you order me pizza…”

David had a complicated order, but it was somewhat melodious once Patrick got it down. And he always remembered to ask for extra cheese when David would consistently forget.

“I love it when you use words like ‘inventory’…”

That was a new one. Then again, David seemed to come onto him more after talking business.

“I even love those stupid rubber things you put on your fingers ‘cause you think they flip the pages faster,” David said. “They don’t flip the pages faster.”

He was at the platform, ready to be hauled up.

“They don’t flip the pages faster!” he repeated as Patrick helped him up onto the steady surface.

Patrick pulled David in for a hug. He was _so_ proud of him. Not only did he conquer one of his fears, Patrick had never heard so many confessions about their relationship fall from David’s lips. He tried to keep their relationship fresh and interesting, but having a routine was part of running a business. They had to stay consistent and that meant many days without excitement.

Yet David _loved_ those things. He loved the mundanity. He basically described a typical Friday for them and it made Patrick’s heart swell to know David loved every aspect of their relationship because Patrick did too. There was no part of being with David that Patrick hated. (Well, except when he’d let Alexis get under his skin. They were working on it.)

David was slowly learning to be selfless – a long process – and this was huge for him. He was willing to stand up to his biggest fear in the hopes that it would keep Patrick interested in him. Lucky for David, they didn’t need to do things like this because Patrick was so madly, deeply in love with him.

“I’m so sorry,” David exhaled as he quaked in Patrick’s arms.

He drew back enough to look at his boyfriend.

“We’re gonna talk about the fact that we missed half a day of work to make this happen,” Patrick said sternly, but he couldn’t keep it up. “But you did just do a tree-walk 30 feet in the air for us.”

“Yes, I did,” David said, nodding and smiling.

They kissed. Patrick was so proud of his boyfriend for what he just did and touched at the cause. He loved David so much.

“Alright, guys,” Ted said excitedly. “That’s one rope down, seven courses to go.”

David’s face fell.

“Hey…” Alexis said as she reached out to touch David, who flinched.

“Don’t touch me,” he said.

She did it again.

“No!”

* * *

 

They finished the course, and Patrick and David were both physically and mentally exhausted.

David did better on the rest of the course than that first one though not by much. He was still slow and shaky, but he was more proactive in moving across the ropes.

Perhaps it was the unspoken incentive that Patrick would kiss him the moment he reached the platform. Perhaps it was the drive to just _get on the damn ground_.

After they had returned their equipment and said their goodbyes to Alexis and Ted, Patrick and David walked back to Patrick’s car, holding hands in companionable silence.

“That was fun,” Patrick said.

“Mm, I think you and I have different definitions of ‘fun’,” David said.

Patrick smiled.

“I think Alexis and Ted have different definitions of ‘fun’ than we do,” he corrected him.

David hummed in agreement.

The sun was still up, and the store was closed. They were free from obligations until the morning. Maybe the afternoon of spontaneity could keep giving…

“You know, we are done earlier than normal Friday nights,” Patrick pointed out suggestively. He let go of David’s hand to instead wrap an arm low on his waist, his fingers pressing lightly David’s upper buttock.

“Do you have something in mind?” David asked, catching on.

“Mm.” Patrick leaned in to whisper in David’s ear. “Maybe we could go back to my place and I could do some inventory on your body? Maybe with my mouth?”

David inhaled sharply.

“That may be the most ridiculous thing you have ever said,” David said, his voice low. “But I am very interested in that suggestion.”

“Good.” Patrick kissed David on the neck and felt him shiver.

Yup. Their definition of fun was _way_ better.


	19. robbery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Apothecary is robbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Another week where I thought I'd have time and I was wrong. Regardless, it got done before the next episode (which looks like it's gonna be amazing!!!!) and that's the important part.
> 
> I have a beta now! Thank you to Elizabeth for your help.
> 
> Spoilers for s05e02 "Love Letters"
> 
> Enjoy!

Like any normal person, Patrick hated the bank. There was always a long line, never enough tellers, and inevitably someone who had a complicated situation where they should really be sitting down with a financial professional, not a teller who makes $10 an hour. First Bank of Elmdale was where dreams went to die.

Patrick had been in line for the better part of an hour. Unfortunately, the register was low on cash on the first of the month, which meant everyone in the greater Elmdale area was there. He avoided busy bank days the best he could, but after a visiting high school softball team stopped by that morning and every player only had a $50 bill to purchase a $3 bottle of water, he had no choice.

“Next!”

Finally, he stepped up to the teller window.

“Hi, can I get 200 of this in tens, 200 in fives, and the rest in ones?" he said as he slid the stack of fifties through the slot.

The teller nodded and began counting.

Patrick’s phone rang.

It was David.

“Sorry, it’s my partner.”

“Take your time,” she said.

Patrick answered.

“Hey David, what’s up?”

“ _Um, so I know that you’re trapped at the bank._ ”

“You know, I just got up to the teller, so it shouldn’t be too long.”

“ _So, um, there’s been a situation at the store…_ ”

“What kind of situation? Isn’t Stevie there? Can’t she help you with it?”

“ _Um, well, she kinda did help with it, but in a bad way_.”

Patrick grew worried.

“What happened, David?”

“ _Okay, so I want to be very clear that I did everything I could to stop it—_ ”

“What happened, David?!”

“ _We got robbed. And he had a weapon_.”

“ _What?!_ Are you okay?”

The teller looked up at him. He lowered his voice; he didn’t need the whole bank to know.

“ _I’m fine, thank you. And Stevie’s fine too. We’re just, um, a little shaken up_.”

“What happened?”

“ _Well, a masked bandit just came in here and demanded we give him our money_.”

“How much did you give him?”

“ _You’ll be happy to know I didn’t give him anything out of the register_.”

“Well, I don’t like the sound of that sentence.”

“ _He did take some wine, tapenade, and a wheel of brie. And a jar of face cream. Oh, and put them in two of our cloth bags_.”

“Those are weirdly specific.”

“ _I know, right?_ ”

“I’m just, I can’t believe this happened.”

“ _Me either_.”

Patrick pinched the bridge of his nose. The teller slid the stacks of cash back to Patrick. He silently thanked her.

“Okay, well, I’ve got the change, so I’ll be right there.”

“ _Oh my god, thank you_ ,” David said, like he was finally exhaling.

“Of course, I love you,” Patrick assured him.

“ _I love you too_ ,” he replied. “ _Also, could you bring me a coffee? You know, as a comfort_.”

“Sure, sure. Of course. I’ll see you in a bit, David.”

“ _Bye, Patrick_.”

Unbelievable.

This was the worst day.

He had to go to the bank.

The store had been robbed.

And now he had to call the police.

* * *

 

Coffees in hand, Patrick headed into the store. He was still in shock. How did this happen?

David and Stevie were standing at the front of the store, obviously waiting for him to arrive. They looked shaken. Patrick made a beeline to the counter to set the coffee tray down.

“I just can't believe this happened. I was gone for like, 45 minutes,” Patrick said. “You guys sure you're okay?”

Patrick handed David his coffee.

“Surprisingly, yes,” Stevie answered.

“Yeah, I’m not,” David said. “I’m very startled.”

David didn’t need his anxiety to be any higher. Patrick rubbed David’s back soothingly.

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Patrick said. “I can understand taking the wine, but who steals a jar of tapenade? And the brie?”

“Yeah, the brie,” David said. “Stevie? The brie?”

“Well, at least we know if the cops don’t get him, his cholesterol will,” she joked.

“Well, there’s no need to keep talking about it now,” Patrick assured them. “You guys are gonna have to go through this all again in much more detail when the police get here.”

He needed to get their inventory paperwork and get their insurance papers from the file cabinet before the cops arrived.

“Yeah, I, um,” David said hesitantly. “I don’t know if going to the police is-is-is necessary at this point.”

“If we want any insurance money for the things that were stolen, we have to explain everything to the police.” It was simple. It’s why they paid for insurance.

“You know, I was pretty much in the back while all of this was going down, so,” Stevie said.

“Umm, I remember you being pretty involved, actually,” David said to her sharply.

Something else happened while he was gone and Patrick didn’t need to know.

“Yeah well, between the two of you, I’m pretty sure you can piece it together,” Patrick told them. David nodded dumbly in agreement.

“Yeah, right? So…” David said quietly. He was clearly not prepared to speak to the police.

Patrick disappeared to the back to get their papers. The police would be there soon, and he needed to figure out exactly what was taken. He opened a file cabinet and started to rifle through it, looking for their insurance paperwork.

He sighed. This was not at all what he wanted to do today. Or any day, really. It felt like such a violation. At least none of their money was stolen. The robber could’ve taken more things. Or worse, harmed David or Stevie.

Oh, that was something Patrick didn’t want to think about. He felt his stomach turn. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if either of them – but especially David – had been hurt while he had been out.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing his stomach to settle and his imagination to stop creating the worst thoughts.

He felt a hand on his back, then arms circle his waist as David pressed up behind him. He hooked his chin over Patrick’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Patrick said unconvincingly. He could feel David waiting for him to continue. “I mean, what if something happened to you or Stevie? And I wasn’t here? I don’t think I could live with myself.”

“Hey,” David said gently, encouraging Patrick to turn in his arms to face him. “Nothing happened. We’re safe. Everything’s okay. I mean, other than our stuff getting stolen.”

“Yeah, but—”

“No, it was a random thing that happened, and I won’t let you blame yourself for it,” he said a bit more firmly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They kissed.

“Hey guys, the policeman’s here,” Stevie called from the front of the store.

Patrick sighed.

“Guess it’s time to face the music, huh?”

“Mhm,” David said, nodding.

They exited the back room, paperwork in hand. Sure enough, there was a police officer at their front door.

“Hi, you must be the store owners?” the cop said.

“Uh, yes,” Patrick said. He extended his hand. “I’m Patrick Brewer, and this is my partner David Rose.”

“I’m the Rose from the sign,” David said unhelpfully.

The cop shook both of their hands.

“Now, who was here when the robbery took place?” he asked.

“Us,” Stevie chimed in from the corner, gesturing to herself and David. “We were the ones who were robbed.”

“Can I speak to you both over here?” the cop said. He pointed to the area on the opposite side of the store from the counter.

“You know, can we sit down for this? I’m still feeling a little shaken,” David said anxiously. The cop shrugged.

“Sure.”

“Great.”

Stevie and David grabbed chairs and sat down, ready to answer the cop’s questions. Patrick lingered near the counter to give them their space.

“Now, can you describe what the guy looked like?” The cop pulled out his notepad and pen.

“Um,” David began, immediately looking at Stevie. “He had on like, this thick shirt—”

“Was it a shirt?” Stevie asked.

“No, wait, sorry,” David laughed nervously. “Not a shirt. It was very flimsy for a sweatshirt, but it had a zipper. So, I guess it was sort of like a low-end, poly-blend sweatshirt in what I could only describe as an aubergine color?”

“And just in case he changes his outfit, do you have a rough idea of his physical description?”

“Right.” David looked at Stevie again. “Um, well, I guess my build?”

“ _That’s_ being generous,” Stevie said wryly.

“If I was at my goal weight,” David replied defensively.

This was going off the rails quickly.

“Officer,” Patrick piped up. “they mentioned there was a weapon?”

The cop turned back to the pair.

“Can you describe the weapon?” he asked, his pen poised to record their answers.

There was a long pause before either of them spoke.

“Well, if there’s a weapon, it was concealed,” Stevie said.

“Yeah, so it’s sort of hard to describe a concealed weapon,” David added.

“Pfft, yeah,” she agreed. “If we could tell you what it looked like, he wouldn’t be doing a good job of concealing it.”

“Ha! Yeah!”

Both Stevie and David laughed, but Patrick could tell it was definitely forced.

This was getting fishier. They made the weapon sound like it was pointed at their heads or throats or whatever. But now Patrick was reconsidering if there was a weapon at all.

“So, let me get this straight,” the officer said. Patrick could tell he and the cop were on the same page. “you have no idea what it looks like, or whether there was one in the first place.” Hearing it aloud somehow made it worse for Patrick.

“You guys said you were held up,” he said, frustration creeping into his voice.

“Emotionally!” David exclaimed. “I mean, I don't know if there was a gun, but it was still a robbery! He was wearing a mask. And would we all not agree that words are weapons?”

Now Patrick was _mad_.

They _lied_ to him.

Someone had come into the store, demanded money, and then when David said no, they offered other products instead. This person was probably doing the whole finger-gun-in-the-shirt thing for all Patrick knew.

“Okay, so you offered the wine, and you offered the cheese and the tapenade, and there was no gun,” he clarified. “This guy just sounds like a lucky customer, David.”

The cop crossed through everything he had written down. None of it could be used for an insurance claim.

“You know what?” the cop said. “I’m just gonna file this report and you can follow up if you have any more information.”

He made brief eye contact with Patrick before he exited the store. He never wanted to feel pity from a police officer before, yet here he was. Meanwhile, David and Stevie looked increasingly guilty as they silently sat in their chairs, avoiding eye contact with Patrick.

Patrick couldn’t believe it. He absolutely could not believe it. He somehow felt _worse_ about this than he did when he thought it was an actual robbery.

He slowly strode closer to David and Stevie. The door closed before Patrick spoke.

“So, you upsold the robber,” he said bluntly. He felt like a parent scolding his children. Only difference is that it was his friend and his boyfriend. _Worse_ than children. At least children wouldn’t have lied to him.

“I did not!” David argued. “I didn’t even tell him about the vintage wines we have in the back.”

“Oh,” Patrick replied sarcastically. Of course, that was David’s argument. _Of course_.

“Speaking of,” Stevie spoke up. “I think we should probably open one of those bottles just to calm the nerves.”

“I thought you had to go to work,” David said to her, annoyed.

Another silence fell over them. Liars didn’t deserve wine.

“Great, great stuff, you guys,” Patrick said, sarcasm dripping from every word. He needed to walk away from them to cool his head, so he returned to the back room where he could at least collapse onto the tiny loveseat they squeezed back there.

He couldn’t believe he thought for a second that an actual robbery had taken place. In retrospect, David didn’t seem that shaken on the phone. Had a gun actually been held to his head, he’s pretty certain that they would’ve called the police immediately instead of calling Patrick first.

Thank _god_ they didn’t give the robber anything else. If anything, he only walked away with about $75 worth of products. The wine wasn’t cheap, but David at least had a point that it wasn’t the vintage wine in the back.

Oh, David.

While Patrick certainly had a bone to pick with Stevie, this was definitely all David’s fault. David had never been known to be cool under pressure; Patrick thought Stevie was better, but apparently, he was wrong. He tried to put himself in their shoes, being surprised with a potential armed robbery. Perhaps he was being too harsh. When he considered how he reacted to his first ever robbery (coincidentally at his first job, Rose Video), he reacted very similarly. But he wasn’t a pimply teenager anymore; he was an adult and knew better. And David and Stevie were adults too.

He should’ve had them sort out their story with him before he called the police. It would have saved them all the embarrassment.

Patrick closed his eyes in an attempt to ward off the impending headache.

There was a knock from the doorway.

“Can I come in? Or should I come back another time?”

Patrick cracked open an eye to see David anxiously twisting his rings.

“You can come in,” he mumbled.

David slowly approached and sat down next to Patrick on the loveseat. He took Patrick’s hand and twined their fingers.

“Stevie left,” David said. “She gave us twenty dollars for the stuff that was stolen.”

“Well, that definitely makes up for the stolen product and the lost sense of security,” Patrick said sardonically.

David didn’t reply. His eyes were fixed on their hands, his thumb gently soothing Patrick’s.

Patrick knew David wasn’t going to apologize. He was working on it, but it had to be prompted. There was no use continuing to be angry since there was nothing to be done now.

“You could’ve told me you panicked,” Patrick said softly.

“Well, I thought you’d’ve been proud to know I didn’t give him any of our money,” David said.

Patrick chuckled.

“I’m definitely glad you didn’t do that,” he replied.

“…but maybe I should’ve mentioned we realized _after_ the fact that he didn’t have a weapon.”

“Maybe.”

David looked at him.

“Um, you know, I was thinking,” David began. “What if we increased security by installing one of those panic buttons under the counter that’s connected to the police so if this happens again—”

Patrick couldn’t help but smile. David’s anxiety had the best imagination.

“I don’t think we need a panic button just yet, David,” Patrick interrupted. “But we can figure out a system in case this happens again.”

“Sounds good,” David said, a gentle smile on his lips. He leaned over and kissed Patrick sweetly on the cheek. “I’m going to head back out there. Just come out when you’re ready.”

David gave him one more peck, then disappeared to the front room.

It wasn’t an apology, but it was close. Wanting to better himself for someone else was a pretty good start. Next step was teaching David how to stay calm under pressure. That was going to be a much, much longer process.


	20. apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick looks for an apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! It's up earlier than right before the episode airing!
> 
> s/o to my beta Elizabeth
> 
> Spoilers for s05e03 "The Plant"
> 
> Enjoy!

David had spent the night again. It was one of those nights when they were closing up the store and David was hardcore flirting with him. Patrick loved that even though they’d been together for a year, David could still make their relationship feel fresh. He kept pressing himself against Patrick’s back and whispering in his ear the dirty things he wanted to do to him. Patrick all but dragged David back to his room at Ray’s to have sex with him.

It was fun – sex with David was always fun – but Patrick was so tired of having to stay quiet. He wanted to be loud and moan and shout and beg. He wanted to _talk_ to David without being interrupted by Ray. But Ray was desperate for connection and had developed a terrible habit of bursting into his room unannounced, which shockingly had a negative effect on Patrick and David’s sex life.

Patrick talked to Ray. He told him at the very least he needed to knock. He told him that it was important to have some modicum of privacy and that knocking was very important to him.

It was only ever a matter of time until Ray came a’knocking.

Unlike David, Patrick was awake at 7am. He was an early riser much to David’s chagrin. He did his absolute best to be quiet and not disturb anyone. He’d been like this his whole life and had grown to relish the peaceful hours before the rest of the world woke up.

Patrick went downstairs, brewed a cup of a single-origin coffee David bought him for his birthday, then headed back to his room where David was still fast asleep. He carefully climbed back into bed and picked up his current reading selection – BIG Business Philosophy. It was his favorite business professor’s new book and was actually a pretty interesting read. Though, he did read a passage to David and watched his eyes glaze over in real time, so it was likely only interesting to him.

He cracked open the book and began to read, taking the occasional sip of his coffee. David shifted, stretching a bit, before rolling over and resting his temple tenderly against Patrick’s arm.

“I’m not awake,” David said, his voice thick from sleep. “But that coffee smells really good.”

“It’s single-origin from Ethiopia,” Patrick said proudly. “My sleepy boyfriend got it for me.”

“Mm, your sleepy boyfriend sounds great.”

“He is.”

David dropped a soft kiss on his arm before settling back down. Patrick’s heart fluttered.

God, he loved this man.

For everything David was, he made domesticity something really—

“Knock, knock! Everybody decent?”

Ray burst through their door, completely dressed and far, _far_ too loud.

“Oh my god!” David exclaimed as he shot up from his cozy spot against Patrick.

Patrick prided himself on his patience. It’s probably half the reason he and David hadn’t broken up. David tested his patience all the time, but Patrick found it endearing. Ray, on the other hand, without realizing it, knew how to hit all of Patrick’s buttons at the same time. After the first month, his patience was _gone_. He had a difficult time telling Ray off because it wasn’t in him to be like that and Ray was always so chipper.

“Once again, Ray,” Patrick said passive-aggressively. “Saying ‘knock, knock’ is not the same thing as actually knocking.”

Ray blew right past that. “I’m just making breakfast, and I wanted to know if I should make extra for you two.”

“No, I think we’re good—” Patrick answered.

“Yes,” David said.

They looked at each other. Patrick knew David’s favorite hobby after fashion and googling popular actresses in the early 2000s was eating. He wasn’t sure David knew what he was inviting in.

“Great!” Ray said. “Door open or closed?”

“Closed,” both David and Patrick said.

Ray backed out of the room, closing the door as he went.

David turned to fully look at Patrick. If there was anyone who hated their lack of privacy more than Patrick, it was David. And David shared a room with his adult sister.

“Okay, I thought you were gonna talk to him about this. I let very few people see me before 9:00am,” David said.

“I did. The ‘knock, knock’ is him taking the note,” Patrick replied before taking a sip of coffee.

“Well, you might want to invest in a ‘lock, lock’ then,” was the response.

“Mm.”

Patrick had considered a lock, but since he never had long-term plans to stay at Ray’s, he never got around to it, always thinking that he was going to move out at some point.

David laid back down only to jolt back up with Ray bursting through their door again.

“Knock, knock!”

“Holy fuck!” David groaned in shock.

Patrick wished he had mind control powers only so he could keep Ray from doing this all the time.

“I realized I don’t have eggs, but I do have pancake mix. How do we feel about that?” Ray asked.

David hesitated before saying, “Four, please.”

“David, you’re constantly talking about how much you eat,” Ray continued. Why wasn’t he leaving?! “But I’ve seen you walk from the bedroom to the shower, and you look fine.”

 _Oh, dear god_.

Patrick had never been so uncomfortable in his life. David preferred to shower at his place because it was a full shower as opposed to the motel’s tiny cubicle showers. He’d usually go from the bedroom to the bathroom and back with a towel wrapped around his waist. Ray had to be referring to that. Because if he was referencing the rare instances when they thought Ray was out and David went from room to room naked, than Patrick wanted to be swallowed by his bed and never reappear.

Yes, he was a bit possessive. Yes, Ray was straight. No, there wasn’t a threat, but Patrick also didn’t want anyone but him to see David’s body, especially when he’d been a little… _overzealous_ in his affections toward his boyfriend.

They needed real privacy. The motel was out of the question since it was always crawling with Roses. They couldn’t keep bothering Stevie for her place since she split with Jake and refused to sleep at the motel. Patrick wanted to spend time with David – actual, intimate time – in a space where no one was going to walk in on them any time they liked.

Today was the final nail in the coffin: he needed to get his own place.

“Huh,” David said. Patrick could hear the discomfort in that one word.

“Okay, Ray,” Patrick cut in after David looked to him for help. “We-we might need a minute.”

“Of course,” Ray said. “Door open or closed?”

“Closed,” Patrick answered with a tense smile.

Ray exited once more, closing the door behind him.

David looked at him like he hated that exchange as much as Patrick did. He mouthed a ‘wow’ at him. Patrick shut his book and dropped it on the bedspread in exasperation.

“Okay, this is not working anymore,” he said. “I think it’s time we look for an apartment.”

“Oh,” David said. “Okay, I mean if that’s what you want.”

“Well, I think it’s more of a need at this point, David. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

He thought of it every time Ray interrupted them, every time they resorted to back room blowjobs, every time Stevie offered her place. A few months before, he realized he’d never lived on his own. He went from his parents to a dorm to living with Rachel to living with Ray. Maybe it was finally time to see how he did by himself. Well, by himself when David wasn’t there, which Patrick suspected would be nearly 24/7.

“Oh.”

The door handle turned.

“Gentlemen,” Ray said excitedly as he entered their bedroom again. “You’re gonna laugh, but I just remembered, we do have eggs. They’re in the pantry, next to the pancake mix, which means they’ve been sitting out for days. Are we feeling lucky?”

“Can I still have the pancakes?” David asked.

“Yes!”

And then Ray left.

“Ray!” Patrick called out.

Ray came back in.

“Patrick?”

“Door closed,” he said tightly.

“Of course.”

The door closed for hopefully the last time.

“Yeah, I support finding a new place,” David said immediately.

“Yup,” Patrick agreed, downing the rest of his cold coffee.

* * *

 

Patrick dropped David off at the motel before heading to the store. He knew David might be a minute since there seemed to be activity happening given Alexis’s extremely sparkly dress. Thankfully, Wednesday morning wasn’t a peak shopping time, so when David inevitably took his time, Patrick would be okay by himself.

In fact, it was better that he was alone at the store because it gave him a chance to check some of the local listings for apartments. Unsurprisingly, there weren’t many options in Schitt’s Creek, but the two that were in his price range didn’t look too bad. And one had a number of photos that made it look viable. It looked spacious for a studio and he figured he wouldn’t need that much space for just him and occasionally David.

Since the store was empty, Patrick figured he’d call the number on the listing to schedule a viewing.

“Ray Butani, real estate agent extraordinaire,” said a familiar voice.

Patrick looked at his phone. He swore he hadn’t meant to call Ray.

“Hey Ray, it’s Patrick,” he said awkwardly. “Did you get a new phone number?”

“Oh, I read it can help with business if people can’t recognize your phone number since they’ll think you’re someone new.”

“That can’t be right.”

“What can I help you with, Patrick?”

Patrick took a deep breath. It was like he was about to break up with Ray.

“I, uh, I found one of your, um, apartment listings online,” Patrick explained. “I’m… I’m moving out, Ray.”

“That is fantastic to hear, Patrick,” Ray said with no change in inflection. Patrick just told him he was moving out and yet Ray was completely indifferent. This was not the reaction he was anticipating.

“Oh, yeah. So, um, I was hoping I could check out the—” He wanted to quote the paper exactly. “’Spacious 1Bed Penthouse with Private Bathroom’. Why specify ‘private bathroom’?”

“Well, why don’t I show you later this afternoon?” Ray asked. “I can fit you in between my photography sessions at 2 o’clock.”

They could close the store early today. This was important – way more important than going on a high ropes course to prove the strength of their relationship.

“Um, sure! That sounds great,” Patrick said.

“See you at 2, Patrick.”

“Talk to you—”

Ray hung up the phone before Patrick even finished saying goodbye. He was entirely too used to this behavior and he was ready to be _done_ with it.

Patrick smiled. He was going to look at his potential first apartment.

10:45am: **I talked to Ray and got an apartment showing today!**  
10:45am: **56 Wildflower St Apt 5**  
10:46am: _That’s near Stevie_  
10:46am: _And today?_  
10:46am: _Someone told me that we need to keep a strict schedule for the store to build customer loyalty._  
10:47am: **That someone also wants to find an apartment we can have loud sex in.**  
10:47am: _And what time is this showing?_  
10:48am: **2pm**  
10:54am: _I’ll meet you there. Apparently there’s a VVIP here at the motel and Alexis won’t let me leave until the coast is clear._  
10:55am: _Sorry I’m not coming in today_  
10:55am: **I understand. Love you.**  
10:55am: _Love you too_

* * *

 

Patrick leaned against his Hyundai, waiting for David. He was running late, as per usual.

It wasn’t long until the loud engine of the Rose family announced David’s arrival. He quickly exited the vehicle and hurried to Patrick’s side.

“I see your warden let you out?” Patrick quipped before David kissed him hello.

“Alexis told me I would ‘ruin the vibe with my energy’ if I left before she said I could,” David explained. “She basically barricaded the door and threatened to kill me in my sleep.”

“Siblings are fun, aren’t they?”

“Mm, so fun,” David replied sarcastically.

They headed inside.

“So, this is a penthouse?” David asked as they climbed the stairs.

“Supposedly,” Patrick replied.

“What does he mean by ‘private bathroom’? When is a bathroom not private?”

“When the toilet is in the middle of the room.”

“And how often have you seen that?”

“David, it’s going to be fine,” he assured him as they reached the third floor and headed down the hallway toward the place. “I’ve actually seen a few photos of this place. It looks pretty good.”

“Yeah, the façade would indicate otherwise,” David said. “But I trust you on this, so.”

They stopped in front of apartment #5 where Ray was waiting for them. Patrick could feel the gravity of this step finally hitting him.

“You know, when I moved here and got a room with Ray, I didn’t know how long I was going to be staying,” he said.

“Mhm…”

When he moved to Schitt’s Creek, he was running away from his relationship with Rachel. He saw Schitt’s Creek as just one stop on the way to him becoming himself. It was supposed to be his halfway house.

But then he met David and he didn’t want to be anywhere else. One month turned into six which turned into a year… He was staying. For as long as David was here, Patrick was here. It was time to put down roots.

“And now, here we are,” Patrick said. He felt his heart bursting out of his chest. He was far, far too excited to start this new chapter of his life.

“For me, this is bittersweet,” Ray said, cutting in. “Because on the one hand, I could lose you as a roommate, Patrick. But on the other, I would gain the commission.”

And there it was. Patrick knew there was something to why Ray wasn’t devastated to hear he was moving out.

Ray led them into the apartment and Patrick all but fell in love with it. The small kitchen to the left, the tall ceilings, the fireplace. God, he could have a _fireplace_.

“As you can see, this is an open concept,” Ray said.

“Oh, wow,” Patrick said in awe. “It’s good, eh, David?”

He couldn’t stop looking around. He liked what he saw online, but now he could picture furniture of his choosing filling up the space. His bed with two nightstands over there, a dining room table for six over here, a comfortable couch where he could cuddle with David right in front of the fire. The possibilities were endless.

“I thought this was the penthouse?” David said to Ray.

“Uh, it is the top floor of three floors,” Ray replied.

“You said this was a one-bedroom.”

“It is, in the sense that it’s a one-bed room. Any more beds and you’d be in trouble,” Ray said, enjoying his little joke. “Although, bunkbeds can be fun.”

Patrick had wandered over to the fireplace, which was the first thing people would see when they came in.

“Fireplace?” he said, more of a question to David.

“Yeah, which I’m sure would heat the room quite quickly, considering it’s just one big open space,” said David in return.

Patrick touched the brick and imagined filling the mantle with pictures of them and their families and friends. In the winter, they could light a fire and watch a movie, or just cuddle and spend time together. And, well, Patrick would be interested in sex in front of the fireplace too…

“I like the exposed brick,” was all he said before walking away to let his fantasy take him elsewhere in the apartment. “It’s actually a pretty decent size.”

“Yeah,” David said. He turned to Ray. “Speaking of size, Ray, I’ve yet to see a closet. Is there a… is there a walk-in that I’m missing?”

“Oh, the closet is right over here.” Ray walked over to a set of slatted doors and opened them to reveal a closet that was big enough for maybe a fourth of David’s sweater collection. Ray stepped into it, crouching down a bit. “This is what small-space realtors refer to as a ‘step-in’ closet.”

Patrick didn’t have as many clothes as David, so the closet would be perfect for him. Worst case, he could buy an armoire. He came up beside David and held his shoulders.

“What do you think, David? It’s pretty perfect, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s pretty. Y-yeah,” David said uncertainly.

“May I show you the kitchen?” Ray asked, gesturing toward the space behind him.

“I think you’ve just done it,” David replied with an uneasy smile. “Patrick, can we side-bar over here?”

He took Patrick’s hand and led him away from Ray and the closet.

“I mean, I know it’s like the first place that we’ve looked at, but there’s just something very homey about it to me.”

And it would be so much more of a home once he moved all his things in and he could spend quiet nights alone with David…

“Yeah, a sentiment shared by inmates, after their first couple years in jail.”

“Okay, so you hate it.” Patrick didn’t understand why David was so hesitant about this. Yes, he’d be there a lot, but it wasn’t his apartment. Couldn’t he just be happy that Patrick may have found his new place?

“No! No,” David denied. He put his hands on Patrick’s shoulders as he was wont to do. “No, it’s just if I’ve learned anything from ‘House Hunters’, you always have to see the loft space, the charming English cottage, and the renovated craftsman that you don’t really wanna take, but the producers are gonna force you to see it anyway, before you make any major decisions.”

Patrick rarely watched ‘House Hunters’, and David always got mad at him when he’d correctly predict which house they’d choose each time. He’d say he wasn’t properly envisioning the possibilities of a space, when really Patrick knew it was all staged and went with what he thought suited the couple best.

“Gentlemen, I have one more thing to show you,” Ray interrupted.

“How are we still on this fucking tour?” David asked under his breath.

“Just…” Patrick said. David needed to let Ray be Ray so they could get out of there faster and not ruin this potential deal.

Patrick met Ray at the small blue curtain, David close behind.

“You’ll thank me later,” Ray said. “But uh, no more worrying about door open, door closed. All you have to do is open the curtain…”

He thrust open the curtain. David gasped.

“…to the bathroom!”

Oh, dear god.

“Ray, can we just have a moment?” David asked.

“Absolutely. I’ll just wait in the bathroom.” He stepped into the small room before asking jokingly, “Curtain open or curtain closed?”

“Oh, closed.”

“Closed, I think.”

And with that, Ray closed the curtain.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be putting a door on there,” Patrick assured him. He was certain there were videos on YouTube on how to install a door.

David placed his hands on Patrick’s shoulders.

“But I don’t know if I wanna put a door on the bathroom!” David said. “I don’t know if I love this place. And I’m not just saying that because the lack of closet space will inevitably force us to break up, I just sorta feel like… if we’re going to be moving in together, we should both be totally on board.”

Oh.

David thought…

_Oh._

“I totally understand, David.”

“Good.”

“It’s just that I was looking at this place like… just for me,” Patrick said uncomfortably. He felt like he was slamming a door in David’s face.

“Oh,” David said softly. “Okay, it’s just that you had said that we were going to see p-places.”

“Right, yeah, so like more of a general ‘we’,” he corrected. He really should’ve been clearer. “Because I knew that you’d be staying over here quite a bit, and that you’d probably have an opinion about it.” And boy was Patrick right about that one.

“Sure. Well then, you know, in that case, if this is just for you, and occasionally me…” David said. Patrick chuckled. He could hear the recalculations happening in David’s head. “I think it’s cute.”

“Wait, does this mean that you were ready to move in with me?” Patrick asked cheekily.

David _wanted_ to live with him. He was looking at this apartment as a space they were going to share together. He was envisioning them entering this space as a couple. It was a big deal for normal couples and an even bigger deal for David. Patrick’s heart was so warm knowing that David was ready to make that next step with him.

“No,” David said unconvincingly.

“No? Hm.”

“No, it’s a closet space and a timing thing.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah.”

“So… you know, maybe we can negotiate down the line… at some point.”

“Hm.”

Patrick was barely containing his joy. He knew this place wasn’t for the two of them. He never envisioned living with David in a small studio apartment. He wanted to buy David a big beautiful house with whatever he wanted inside. Patrick didn’t need much. He just needed David to be there with him.

“I can barely hear your conversation,” Ray interjected, then pushed back the bathroom curtain. “Are we sure we want the door?”

David and Patrick looked at each other.

“Are we sure?” David whispered.

“Up to you,” Patrick replied.

“Yes, we want the door,” he confirmed.

“Well, alright!” Ray said, finally exiting the bathroom. “Are we looking to sign papers today or…?”

“Uh, we’re gonna think about it?” Patrick said. “Maybe try sleeping on it?”

“You know where to find me when you’re ready,” Ray said. “I have a long list of people who are dying to get into this apartment—”

“That can’t be true,” David mumbled.

“—But I will save it just for you, my favorite roommate.”

“Thanks, Ray.”

They left the apartment building and said their goodbyes to Ray. Patrick walked David to his car, hand in hand. He drew David into his arms and leaned against the vehicle.

“Do you really like the place?” Patrick asked.

David looked over Patrick’s shoulder to the building behind him.

“For you, yes,” David said sincerely. “I wasn’t joking about the closet space when we find our place together.”

“Oh, I’m aware.”

David smirked.

“You know?” he said. “It’s kinda sexy, you getting your own place.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm. It’s the same as what we’re doing now – which I love, by the way – except we can make dinner for only two people, we can watch movies on a screen larger than a laptop, we can—”

“You’re burying the lede, David.”

“—have sex as loud as we want…”

“That’s what I was looking for,” Patrick said softly before kissing David. “And since it’s my apartment, I can decorate it with all my baseball paraphernalia in storage.”

“Not if you want to keep having sex with me.”

“Heard.”

They kissed again.

Patrick was excited for his potential new apartment, but he was more excited for the day they’d finally move in together. And that day seemed closer than he imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can follow me on tumblr @davidrosesboyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @davidrosesboyfriend


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